It has been just over a week now since I met my slave in real life. As anyone who has read the postings here knows, we have known each other online for well over two years, and were ready to take that step of transitioning from an online environment to real life.
We knew that we took a risk by doing so. We have both known many others who have tried to make that transition, meeting in real life after developing an online D/s relationship, only to see their fantasies shattered. And living in different parts of the country means that both of us already have things in our lives that present challenges in being together full time as Master and slave.
So why did we decide to meet? The answer, as simple and complex as it is, is that the online and remote relationship was no longer enough, for either of us. We have been amazingly inventive in making things as real as they can possibly be with a remote relationship. But as eirene’s Master, I wanted — no, needed — to feel my actual hands moving over her body with the possessiveness of the dominant man that I am. I needed to experience the actuality of taking control of her, physically and not just with my words. I needed to know how it felt with her, wearing my collar around her neck, and feeling the tug of her leash in my hand as I walked with her.
I needed to see her eyes and her smile. I needed to see the way her body moves and reacts when I issue a command or tell her I just want her to be by my side. I needed to know how my own body would respond when I had her touch me, in ways that are both innocent and erotic. I needed to know that she would accept those things about me that are not obvious in an online environment, but which are nonetheless still part of the person that I truly am.
I needed to know that those things that I need as her Master were things that not only could she bear, but that she would thrive on and grow with. To order her food for her in a restaurant, with her never seeing what the choices on the menu were. To use her sexually in the way that I want, when I want, no matter what her own desires or wishes. To know that her body not only accepts but craves the feel of my flogger on her back, at the strength that I want, in the way that I want. To issue very simple and subtle commands to her — things that are not kinky, not erotic, but mundane — and know that she relishes obeying them as deeply as the stuff that excites her.
As I write these things that I need as her Master, I see how it is possible to read them as selfish things. But I make no apology for that. Those who have read what eirene has had to say about such things know that the dynamic between us is not so simple, and that as selfish as these things might appear, there are deeper connections at work. Things that have bound us tightly even online in a way that I believe few experience.
And so we did meet.
Eirene took an entire week off work to make the trip of 1100 miles to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, selflessly bearing almost the entire burden of the travel, even in face of forecasts of significant snow. She arrived at the place we were to meet, to ready it, to ensure that it would be all that the two of us imagined it to be. She purchased food, and brought music and movies with her that we would be able to share, as the two of us, who in one way knew each other so very well, discovered each other for the very first time.
We had decided to meet for two days, enough time to give us a taste of what life could be look for the two of us, as real-life Master and slave. Who knew at the time we planned things whether that would be too little time or too much time. But in that time, I saw her eyes and her smile. I saw the way her body moves and reacts when I call her to my side or issue a command to her. I learned the way my body responds to her touch. I learned how she reacts to the total reality of me, unvarnished by the protective veneer that remoteness can give.
One night, we exchanged gifts that bind us in real life. While she knelt at my feet, I placed a collar around her neck, and locked it, a collar that I had had custom made some six weeks previously. It was and is a symbol of my claim of ownership over her, with all of the responsibility that that entails. And she presented me with a riding crop that she had purchased specially. It was and is a symbol of her submission to me, and her acceptance of my dominance over her and my role as her Master.
Those two days were real, in every way, including every complexity that it is possible for our two lives to encounter. While there is a part of me that might have wished for things to be simple, I am glad that the complexity was there.
Because something happened that I did not fully expect.
The things that we did, all those wonderful things that allowed us each to know what it is like for her to be my real-life slave, wearing my collar, obediently at my side, held more power than we could have known. They were amazing experiences, yes. They were things we had dreamed about sharing and were then able to experience, yes. They created deep memories in each of us, yes.
But they also left seeds within me that have begun to germinate.
This is part of the reason that I have waited a full week to provide my account of things. Within me, those seeds have sprouted into deep cravings to continue to experience the real-life domination that I have had only a taste of with eirene. To feel my ownership of her in a deep and palpable way. And they continue to grow. I am like a man who has spent his life blind, and who was privileged to receive a taste of what it is to be sighted.
I collared eirene for the first time more than two years ago. But since that night last week, when she looked up at me with her doe eyes as I clasped the lock shut to secure her collar, she has became my slave in every way.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The Crystal Clarity Of A Winter's Night
Friday November 20, 2009
I have rewritten this blog post at least 4 times…twice while driving. Well, just notes jotted down quickly as I was driving. And still my quest remains unfinished. How to word it, what to say changes the more I spend time thinking about it. Not that the events themselves change…just perspective.
I have returned back to Texas once more…I am tired, beyond tired to almost delirious and yet here I am posting to my blog. When was the last time I slept fully…hmmm. Last Friday perhaps, I am unsure.
I left the warmth of a clear Texas day with temperatures hovering around 75° and began the 1100 miles to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. The National Weather Service was predicting a major snow fall a night or two before so with some trepidation and a cell phone strapped to my hip, Texas cowgirl style, I left. I grew up in the Midwest so snow was not unfamiliar to me and it seemed like all would be in the cleanup stages just as or before I arrived. Although I must admit I searched for awhile to find my winter coat and boots.
Why did I go there instead of him coming here or choosing someplace less weather volatile? It seemed appropriate that a slave should, at least this first time, go to her Master. Even that the journey be perhaps a bit dangerous in some respects. It was a symbol of my commitment and symbols seem so very important when important things are about to transpire. And the gorgeous beauty of the mountains drew me almost as much. Another symbol of returning to the simplicity of a natural relationship between a woman and a man.
Regardless if you agree I believe women were made to serve men and that the world revolves on a much smoother axis when this “balance” has returned. Anyway, it indeed does for me with this one man. I in no way mean a degrading relationship that exists in many parts of the world. Not all men are worthy of the devotion of a woman and just because a person has a cock between their legs does not make them deserving of having my tongue lick the creases of their boots. It is earned over time and much dedication on his part. But I digress…….
My skin has adjusted to the mild winters of the south and while I thought I remembered how cutting it could be I was still ill prepared when some 8 hours later as I stepped out to refuel , a wind of 23° F wrapped itself around me like a fuzzy blanket full of holes. My teeth chattered and my fingers and arms tried to pull back up into my sleeves. What *was* I thinking! People generally go south in the winter not north! As usual I find myself going against the grain of mainstream thought. But what pleasures are to be had in such a lack luster life?
The cabin was less of a cabin and more of a huge house on the side of spectacular mountain views. There was nothing a person could want for. It was for all practical purposes an elegant home with all amenities provided. There was no room without breathtaking views. And I am not exaggerating. Every room was worthy of a portrait.
The main living area had one wall that was just windows...slanted back and upward. I moved an overstuffed chair so that after dark we could just sit there and quietly watch the stars glitter across the sky in an unending parade of lights that still hold the same patterns as the ancients saw.
And so against this back drop did I meet my Master….
I am in all worlds now a fully collared slave as of the evening of November 17, 2009. I thought I was prepared for the feeling, but there is no way one is ready for such a life changing event. Bound am I in full real life BDSM.
I am making this all sound so easy and in reality it was not.
I went to meet this man I have laughed, loved and served for over two years in texted chat and voice only. His words and ways seduced me and my love grew. I prayed to the Goddess that all our feelings would be affirmed when first we met.
What happened was I became even more enchanted …his quiet strength filled the place as soon as he entered it.
I was nervous beyond belief all of a sudden I knew nothing. How to act what to say when to kneel when not to. When to defer to him when not to touch and when to…countless and endless questions ran through my mind. What if I am not as he imagined I would be? Not pleasing enough in some fashion, not pretty enough, smart enough, quick enough in learning all he asked of me. It’s always been easy for me to write things so a text online environment was very easy in relation to what I now faced.
I sat on one end of the sofa and he sat on the other end. Our conversation stumbled over my inability to let go of my anxiety. And I worried that things were not going at all like I dreamed they would. So I let myself fall into the role I knew with him best. …service. He had not eaten so I prepared some cheese, fruit, crackers and some wine. As I returned to him I sat on the floor instead of beside him and my soul took a real audible breath at last. My gaze took him in and I felt familiar warmth. Like taking a sip of fine cognac …the warmth filling my mouth and tongue melting down my throat and extending to my finger tips. A delicious calming thing that brought a flush to my face.
We talked of many things. Things we had spoken of in the past that we used now as a door to reach through. I often closed my eyes as he spoke. His voice was my Master. The same sultry whispery tone that makes a woman want to remove her undergarments and spread her legs in a very unlady like fashion. Oh but the pleasures...the innumerable pleasures of it.
We went out for dinner that night to a small authentic intimate Italian restaurant. His manner was one of a man who is used to being very much in charge of things. When the waitress handed me a menu he took it and ordered for us both. Although we had discussed such things…to finally have it done in real life was beyond my expectations. It sent a rush of adrenaline throughout my body.
After dinner we returned “home” had more wine and talked more. We spoke of expectations and of complications of family for both of us. This lifestyle has many misconceptions and stereotypes that family and friends can find difficult or impossible to accept. That is the reality of taking things real life.
Acknowledging those issues we continued on deciding that we would handle each of them in turn as they arose giving each the thoughtful and loving consideration they deserved.
As I knelt before him and he locked his collar around my neck the soft leather with his name burned into it, whispered to me a secret…a secret that is only bequeathed upon those who have gone the distance learned the lessons and done the work. “You have been transported into a rapturous life”.
My words seemed to stick in my throat as I watched him slip the key to my collar into the pocket of his pants. I looked up at him heart pounding and offered him my own gifts, symbols again of my submission. An English riding crop and a key to my apartment. My whole life was his from that day forward.
We had spoken often of how things might go without anything written in stone. To just let everything unravel just as time does. I had been under sexual restrictions for months, most of that was self imposed because my desire had focused on him and only him. However in these last 5 days I was also restricted from self pleasuring. And he had chosen as another gift to me to not cum as well. To make our desire and appeasement more intense when we did come together. And to recognize the commitment we made to this M/s relationship. I chuckled a bit when he said he was never going to go 5 days without cumming again. In all seriousness though it was a huge concession on his part and meant a lot to me.
In the early morning hours then, did my real life Master claim me as his real life slave. Me kneeling again before him under the stars of the universe adoring and pleasuring his cock. Kissing it lightly before parting my lips and sliding his smooth hardness inside my mouth. His leash was secured to my collar and his hand held my hair tightly. It was a moment of bliss for me to watch his face and feel his body react to what I was doing. And when he finally succumbed to the moment and pulsed in my throat drenching it with his sweet thick cum, tears stung my eyes.
There were over these days a plethora of emotions and feelings. The transformation from online to real life is not simply a stroll from one room to another. Online is much easier and while I do respect that it is the reason we came together it was also a bit of a stumbling block. In a surreal way, we knew each other well but did not know each other at all. It was a paradox.
The following day was rich in experimenting with our reactions to actual flogging and a scene involving me tied and bound in rope…vulnerable with no possibility of escape. I gave to my Master the trust he had earned as my online Master but the fear *was* there.
All the things we had learned were implemented in real time. My body felt everything. There was no part of me that did not hurt. It was glorious.
I have written this all from my view of things without trying to take to much liberty with what it must have been like for him because we have not fully discussed its aftermath.
Why haven’t we?
In a very real way we have just met, him and I, and now we need to learn each other on this level. The level where our relationship becomes a part of the greater whole of life for both of us not just a couple hours here and there on the computer. Just as there are miscommunications in vanilla relationships there most certainly is in this kind as well.
It may seem odd that we still went forth with the collaring with all of these variables that we were uncertain about but I think we both needed to try out some things that would be a huge part of our life so that we knew if we should go further with each other. We had spent a couple years now playing the parts we had to push it further.
I cried... I cried a lot. Meeting real life had the intensity to bring everything to the forefront. Every fear deep and dark and otherwise. No more illusions this was the real deal. There is a reason that many many relationships even vanilla ones do not survive once they step past the veil of online. Some things just cannot transcend into the light.
I will tell you now what I have learned in this past week. I know that the person he portrayed online is in fact who he is. He is quiet, strong and compassionate. I myself am quiet and so I can appreciate and actually very much enjoy that side of him. His passions run deep for everything he loves.
I am more in love with him then I was before we met. There are parts of the last week that were very very hard and emotional. But I can imagine no other man as being my Master. If it is within my power to be the slave he needs to be fulfilled in his dominance then I will do it, given the chance and his continued desire to have me be his.
I love you, my Master, with a strength and intensity that not even a northern Canadian jet stream could breach. I would like to keep your collar and I wish to remain your slave. The highlights of the past few days are just a delicious taste of the many ways I have of serving you. I await only your approval and acceptance of me.
I have rewritten this blog post at least 4 times…twice while driving. Well, just notes jotted down quickly as I was driving. And still my quest remains unfinished. How to word it, what to say changes the more I spend time thinking about it. Not that the events themselves change…just perspective.
I have returned back to Texas once more…I am tired, beyond tired to almost delirious and yet here I am posting to my blog. When was the last time I slept fully…hmmm. Last Friday perhaps, I am unsure.
I left the warmth of a clear Texas day with temperatures hovering around 75° and began the 1100 miles to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. The National Weather Service was predicting a major snow fall a night or two before so with some trepidation and a cell phone strapped to my hip, Texas cowgirl style, I left. I grew up in the Midwest so snow was not unfamiliar to me and it seemed like all would be in the cleanup stages just as or before I arrived. Although I must admit I searched for awhile to find my winter coat and boots.
Why did I go there instead of him coming here or choosing someplace less weather volatile? It seemed appropriate that a slave should, at least this first time, go to her Master. Even that the journey be perhaps a bit dangerous in some respects. It was a symbol of my commitment and symbols seem so very important when important things are about to transpire. And the gorgeous beauty of the mountains drew me almost as much. Another symbol of returning to the simplicity of a natural relationship between a woman and a man.
Regardless if you agree I believe women were made to serve men and that the world revolves on a much smoother axis when this “balance” has returned. Anyway, it indeed does for me with this one man. I in no way mean a degrading relationship that exists in many parts of the world. Not all men are worthy of the devotion of a woman and just because a person has a cock between their legs does not make them deserving of having my tongue lick the creases of their boots. It is earned over time and much dedication on his part. But I digress…….
My skin has adjusted to the mild winters of the south and while I thought I remembered how cutting it could be I was still ill prepared when some 8 hours later as I stepped out to refuel , a wind of 23° F wrapped itself around me like a fuzzy blanket full of holes. My teeth chattered and my fingers and arms tried to pull back up into my sleeves. What *was* I thinking! People generally go south in the winter not north! As usual I find myself going against the grain of mainstream thought. But what pleasures are to be had in such a lack luster life?
The cabin was less of a cabin and more of a huge house on the side of spectacular mountain views. There was nothing a person could want for. It was for all practical purposes an elegant home with all amenities provided. There was no room without breathtaking views. And I am not exaggerating. Every room was worthy of a portrait.
The main living area had one wall that was just windows...slanted back and upward. I moved an overstuffed chair so that after dark we could just sit there and quietly watch the stars glitter across the sky in an unending parade of lights that still hold the same patterns as the ancients saw.
And so against this back drop did I meet my Master….
I am in all worlds now a fully collared slave as of the evening of November 17, 2009. I thought I was prepared for the feeling, but there is no way one is ready for such a life changing event. Bound am I in full real life BDSM.
I am making this all sound so easy and in reality it was not.
I went to meet this man I have laughed, loved and served for over two years in texted chat and voice only. His words and ways seduced me and my love grew. I prayed to the Goddess that all our feelings would be affirmed when first we met.
What happened was I became even more enchanted …his quiet strength filled the place as soon as he entered it.
I was nervous beyond belief all of a sudden I knew nothing. How to act what to say when to kneel when not to. When to defer to him when not to touch and when to…countless and endless questions ran through my mind. What if I am not as he imagined I would be? Not pleasing enough in some fashion, not pretty enough, smart enough, quick enough in learning all he asked of me. It’s always been easy for me to write things so a text online environment was very easy in relation to what I now faced.
I sat on one end of the sofa and he sat on the other end. Our conversation stumbled over my inability to let go of my anxiety. And I worried that things were not going at all like I dreamed they would. So I let myself fall into the role I knew with him best. …service. He had not eaten so I prepared some cheese, fruit, crackers and some wine. As I returned to him I sat on the floor instead of beside him and my soul took a real audible breath at last. My gaze took him in and I felt familiar warmth. Like taking a sip of fine cognac …the warmth filling my mouth and tongue melting down my throat and extending to my finger tips. A delicious calming thing that brought a flush to my face.
We talked of many things. Things we had spoken of in the past that we used now as a door to reach through. I often closed my eyes as he spoke. His voice was my Master. The same sultry whispery tone that makes a woman want to remove her undergarments and spread her legs in a very unlady like fashion. Oh but the pleasures...the innumerable pleasures of it.
We went out for dinner that night to a small authentic intimate Italian restaurant. His manner was one of a man who is used to being very much in charge of things. When the waitress handed me a menu he took it and ordered for us both. Although we had discussed such things…to finally have it done in real life was beyond my expectations. It sent a rush of adrenaline throughout my body.
After dinner we returned “home” had more wine and talked more. We spoke of expectations and of complications of family for both of us. This lifestyle has many misconceptions and stereotypes that family and friends can find difficult or impossible to accept. That is the reality of taking things real life.
Acknowledging those issues we continued on deciding that we would handle each of them in turn as they arose giving each the thoughtful and loving consideration they deserved.
As I knelt before him and he locked his collar around my neck the soft leather with his name burned into it, whispered to me a secret…a secret that is only bequeathed upon those who have gone the distance learned the lessons and done the work. “You have been transported into a rapturous life”.
My words seemed to stick in my throat as I watched him slip the key to my collar into the pocket of his pants. I looked up at him heart pounding and offered him my own gifts, symbols again of my submission. An English riding crop and a key to my apartment. My whole life was his from that day forward.
We had spoken often of how things might go without anything written in stone. To just let everything unravel just as time does. I had been under sexual restrictions for months, most of that was self imposed because my desire had focused on him and only him. However in these last 5 days I was also restricted from self pleasuring. And he had chosen as another gift to me to not cum as well. To make our desire and appeasement more intense when we did come together. And to recognize the commitment we made to this M/s relationship. I chuckled a bit when he said he was never going to go 5 days without cumming again. In all seriousness though it was a huge concession on his part and meant a lot to me.
In the early morning hours then, did my real life Master claim me as his real life slave. Me kneeling again before him under the stars of the universe adoring and pleasuring his cock. Kissing it lightly before parting my lips and sliding his smooth hardness inside my mouth. His leash was secured to my collar and his hand held my hair tightly. It was a moment of bliss for me to watch his face and feel his body react to what I was doing. And when he finally succumbed to the moment and pulsed in my throat drenching it with his sweet thick cum, tears stung my eyes.
There were over these days a plethora of emotions and feelings. The transformation from online to real life is not simply a stroll from one room to another. Online is much easier and while I do respect that it is the reason we came together it was also a bit of a stumbling block. In a surreal way, we knew each other well but did not know each other at all. It was a paradox.
The following day was rich in experimenting with our reactions to actual flogging and a scene involving me tied and bound in rope…vulnerable with no possibility of escape. I gave to my Master the trust he had earned as my online Master but the fear *was* there.
All the things we had learned were implemented in real time. My body felt everything. There was no part of me that did not hurt. It was glorious.
I have written this all from my view of things without trying to take to much liberty with what it must have been like for him because we have not fully discussed its aftermath.
Why haven’t we?
In a very real way we have just met, him and I, and now we need to learn each other on this level. The level where our relationship becomes a part of the greater whole of life for both of us not just a couple hours here and there on the computer. Just as there are miscommunications in vanilla relationships there most certainly is in this kind as well.
It may seem odd that we still went forth with the collaring with all of these variables that we were uncertain about but I think we both needed to try out some things that would be a huge part of our life so that we knew if we should go further with each other. We had spent a couple years now playing the parts we had to push it further.
I cried... I cried a lot. Meeting real life had the intensity to bring everything to the forefront. Every fear deep and dark and otherwise. No more illusions this was the real deal. There is a reason that many many relationships even vanilla ones do not survive once they step past the veil of online. Some things just cannot transcend into the light.
I will tell you now what I have learned in this past week. I know that the person he portrayed online is in fact who he is. He is quiet, strong and compassionate. I myself am quiet and so I can appreciate and actually very much enjoy that side of him. His passions run deep for everything he loves.
I am more in love with him then I was before we met. There are parts of the last week that were very very hard and emotional. But I can imagine no other man as being my Master. If it is within my power to be the slave he needs to be fulfilled in his dominance then I will do it, given the chance and his continued desire to have me be his.
I love you, my Master, with a strength and intensity that not even a northern Canadian jet stream could breach. I would like to keep your collar and I wish to remain your slave. The highlights of the past few days are just a delicious taste of the many ways I have of serving you. I await only your approval and acceptance of me.
Monday, November 16, 2009
The Moon is New
Only hours now until I meet my slave.
In Colorado, where I live, the full moon is magnificent when it sets over the Rocky mountains as the sun rises. It is an amazing sight that is always worthy of a glance in the early morning when the day is right. Its beauty attracts the attention of all. "How beautiful, how amazing," they coo. But it runs and hides as soon as the sun rises, running to keep up with the darkness of night.
No one ever notices the new moon. It is quiet and unobtrusive. Silent. It rises in the east with the sun and looks down at the mountains rather than escaping behind them. The new moon is a servant to the sun, always presenting its brightest face to the heavenly body that masters it, selflessly enhancing the brightness of the sun. It is bound to the sun, following its arc through the day with unquestioning obedience and devotion. Wherever the sun goes, the new moon follows, ready always to serve. Its enslavement to the sun is total, unhesitant, and complete, all of her seen by her Master even while unseen by others.
Tonight, on the night of the new moon, my girl has made her way to the Colorado mountains, and waits there for me to arrive with collar in hand. She is the new moon. She will rise with the sun, quietly at its side, presenting all of her brightness and beauty to her Master.
As I slip to sleep and rest this night before beginning my part of the journey, I am aware of the dawn that approaches. When the sun will rise to its greatest height in the sky, fierce and brilliant with light and power ... and with the new moon at its feet.
I come with the dawn, my girl.
Stephen
In Colorado, where I live, the full moon is magnificent when it sets over the Rocky mountains as the sun rises. It is an amazing sight that is always worthy of a glance in the early morning when the day is right. Its beauty attracts the attention of all. "How beautiful, how amazing," they coo. But it runs and hides as soon as the sun rises, running to keep up with the darkness of night.
No one ever notices the new moon. It is quiet and unobtrusive. Silent. It rises in the east with the sun and looks down at the mountains rather than escaping behind them. The new moon is a servant to the sun, always presenting its brightest face to the heavenly body that masters it, selflessly enhancing the brightness of the sun. It is bound to the sun, following its arc through the day with unquestioning obedience and devotion. Wherever the sun goes, the new moon follows, ready always to serve. Its enslavement to the sun is total, unhesitant, and complete, all of her seen by her Master even while unseen by others.
Tonight, on the night of the new moon, my girl has made her way to the Colorado mountains, and waits there for me to arrive with collar in hand. She is the new moon. She will rise with the sun, quietly at its side, presenting all of her brightness and beauty to her Master.
As I slip to sleep and rest this night before beginning my part of the journey, I am aware of the dawn that approaches. When the sun will rise to its greatest height in the sky, fierce and brilliant with light and power ... and with the new moon at its feet.
I come with the dawn, my girl.
Stephen
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Spellbound
November 14, 2009
2 days until I meet my Master
The time has come…when I thought it surely never would. What was at one point an elusive dream is now knocking on my front door with his key inserted in the lock.
How is it I am trembling so, when I have been searching for this…for him my whole life? Or is it because I have?
How will it be actually to feel his touch, his kisses, and his whip as opposed to conjuring up vivid images in my mind?
*I* am the witch, so why am I the one feeling the effects of spell weaving?
This is it. It becomes real in every aspect; this entity has been living in my heart since we met over 2 years ago.
No one can say we took it to fast…that things have not been talked and thought through as much as they possibly could be.
None of my questions, fears, or expectations have gone unanswered. His patience has been unshakeable. Every single time I subconsciously and sometimes consciously tried to stop his forward progression with my irrational fears…he slowed, and with the calm confidence of a jungle cat whose prey is in sight…whispered words that drove my submission deeper. Imparting visions of strong surefooted male dominance. Seducing me with his voice of pure liquid cashmere, as he bound me hypnotically tighter and tighter to him.
I the doe… quivering on legs built for speed and a quick exit. I *have* tried diligently to thwart his path and with a casual swagger he has sidestepped or knocked over every wall. When does the vulnerable doe lay herself down within the powerful paws of the lion in surrender? (…a voice in the back of my head answers…. “When there is no longer anywhere or any reason to run”)
… His tongue is wet against my neck. The staccato of my heart beat is visible under the soft thin skin of my throat. I feel his razor sharp teeth rake over my shoulder and I know with one agile movement he could kill me, yet he chooses not to.
Other “lions” occasionally wonder close enough to smell the luscious scent of a true obedient pliable slave. But, Master’s possessive growl is deep, a warning to all that he will protect what he owns. And with quiet respect they retreat to a considerable distance but still watching.
My trust grows and my weariness of the struggle to run overwhelms me. My eyes flutter shut and my breathing settles into the rhythm of sleep and exhaustion. My lion remains vigilant over my vulnerability. I sleep deeper and more restful. Any nightmares are quickly vanquished with one sweep of his massive paw.
Other deer gather at the forest edge, some in fright, some in abstract fear of something that do not even care to understand. All impatient to flee whispering and pleading with me “Do you not know you lay in the arms of a torturous agonizing death? You will be torn to shreds. Becoming a feast to sate his lustful hunger. Even the vultures will not find enough of you left to scavenge. “
I smile a smile that betrays the peace I finally feel seeping into my life. “Aye, I am aware that you see danger. Your concern is appreciated but not warranted. Do you know what it is like to spend eternity fleeing the darkness? To the extent you become afraid of the light as well? He is not my downfall… he is my salvation. I am here...and here I will remain. Be not afraid for me. My old demons have fled in my Master’s wake. I play, love, create, all within the sphere of his control and protection.”
I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard Of Oz, Stepping from black and white into color. I have spent my life up to now, sleepwalking. You may not understand my choices but do not judge them harshly. Look instead beyond preconceived “wickedness” and think of this..... When I smile it reaches my eyes. My laughter is bubbly and comes easily to my lips. Kisses are demanding and eager… sex is rich with passion and desire. I have found a place I finally fit in. Where every fantasy is manifested. Where my submissive and fiery spirit are welcomed. Yes he binds me in rope...whips me...blindfolds me...gags me…and numerous other unending delights. Yes, I kneel at his feet...call him Master…follow his every command.
At the core of all of this is our unfathomed love for each other bound in my consent to all of it. Nothing in our relationship is about force, coercion, or abuse...absolutely none of it. His dominant personality is not a cruel one. He is the most compassionate, caring man I have ever known. I get as much pleasure with our kinks as my Master does. But it’s beyond that even. It’s the small simple seemingly mundane things of day to day life that make us Master/slave.
It’s been as natural as breathing and just as critical, getting to where we are now. Its time…time for me to journey to the mountains...to kneel before the man I call my Master, and accept his collar of ownership. No other is worthy of the submission I have to give. And give it I will…in endless abandon, surrender and devotion at his feet.
I am here Master…I am Your slave….Your girl…Your little doe.
I go and ready everything for your arrival among the grandeur and magick of nature’s topography. As lush and bountiful as a women herself, with curvaceous peaks and hidden valleys.
The moon will be in its waxing phase, the stars hanging like small lanterns against a blue black silk night sky. There a submissive woman waits for you to claim her as your slave and unleash the binding spell agreed upon by both of us at Samhain. The intricacies of such a union are rich and multifaceted. Blessed Be indeed is the Master who captures the wild spirit and heart of a witch.
2 days until I meet my Master
The time has come…when I thought it surely never would. What was at one point an elusive dream is now knocking on my front door with his key inserted in the lock.
How is it I am trembling so, when I have been searching for this…for him my whole life? Or is it because I have?
How will it be actually to feel his touch, his kisses, and his whip as opposed to conjuring up vivid images in my mind?
*I* am the witch, so why am I the one feeling the effects of spell weaving?
This is it. It becomes real in every aspect; this entity has been living in my heart since we met over 2 years ago.
No one can say we took it to fast…that things have not been talked and thought through as much as they possibly could be.
None of my questions, fears, or expectations have gone unanswered. His patience has been unshakeable. Every single time I subconsciously and sometimes consciously tried to stop his forward progression with my irrational fears…he slowed, and with the calm confidence of a jungle cat whose prey is in sight…whispered words that drove my submission deeper. Imparting visions of strong surefooted male dominance. Seducing me with his voice of pure liquid cashmere, as he bound me hypnotically tighter and tighter to him.
I the doe… quivering on legs built for speed and a quick exit. I *have* tried diligently to thwart his path and with a casual swagger he has sidestepped or knocked over every wall. When does the vulnerable doe lay herself down within the powerful paws of the lion in surrender? (…a voice in the back of my head answers…. “When there is no longer anywhere or any reason to run”)
… His tongue is wet against my neck. The staccato of my heart beat is visible under the soft thin skin of my throat. I feel his razor sharp teeth rake over my shoulder and I know with one agile movement he could kill me, yet he chooses not to.
Other “lions” occasionally wonder close enough to smell the luscious scent of a true obedient pliable slave. But, Master’s possessive growl is deep, a warning to all that he will protect what he owns. And with quiet respect they retreat to a considerable distance but still watching.
My trust grows and my weariness of the struggle to run overwhelms me. My eyes flutter shut and my breathing settles into the rhythm of sleep and exhaustion. My lion remains vigilant over my vulnerability. I sleep deeper and more restful. Any nightmares are quickly vanquished with one sweep of his massive paw.
Other deer gather at the forest edge, some in fright, some in abstract fear of something that do not even care to understand. All impatient to flee whispering and pleading with me “Do you not know you lay in the arms of a torturous agonizing death? You will be torn to shreds. Becoming a feast to sate his lustful hunger. Even the vultures will not find enough of you left to scavenge. “
I smile a smile that betrays the peace I finally feel seeping into my life. “Aye, I am aware that you see danger. Your concern is appreciated but not warranted. Do you know what it is like to spend eternity fleeing the darkness? To the extent you become afraid of the light as well? He is not my downfall… he is my salvation. I am here...and here I will remain. Be not afraid for me. My old demons have fled in my Master’s wake. I play, love, create, all within the sphere of his control and protection.”
I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard Of Oz, Stepping from black and white into color. I have spent my life up to now, sleepwalking. You may not understand my choices but do not judge them harshly. Look instead beyond preconceived “wickedness” and think of this..... When I smile it reaches my eyes. My laughter is bubbly and comes easily to my lips. Kisses are demanding and eager… sex is rich with passion and desire. I have found a place I finally fit in. Where every fantasy is manifested. Where my submissive and fiery spirit are welcomed. Yes he binds me in rope...whips me...blindfolds me...gags me…and numerous other unending delights. Yes, I kneel at his feet...call him Master…follow his every command.
At the core of all of this is our unfathomed love for each other bound in my consent to all of it. Nothing in our relationship is about force, coercion, or abuse...absolutely none of it. His dominant personality is not a cruel one. He is the most compassionate, caring man I have ever known. I get as much pleasure with our kinks as my Master does. But it’s beyond that even. It’s the small simple seemingly mundane things of day to day life that make us Master/slave.
It’s been as natural as breathing and just as critical, getting to where we are now. Its time…time for me to journey to the mountains...to kneel before the man I call my Master, and accept his collar of ownership. No other is worthy of the submission I have to give. And give it I will…in endless abandon, surrender and devotion at his feet.
I am here Master…I am Your slave….Your girl…Your little doe.
I go and ready everything for your arrival among the grandeur and magick of nature’s topography. As lush and bountiful as a women herself, with curvaceous peaks and hidden valleys.
The moon will be in its waxing phase, the stars hanging like small lanterns against a blue black silk night sky. There a submissive woman waits for you to claim her as your slave and unleash the binding spell agreed upon by both of us at Samhain. The intricacies of such a union are rich and multifaceted. Blessed Be indeed is the Master who captures the wild spirit and heart of a witch.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Punishment - One Slaves Perspective
November 9, 2009
7 Days until I meet my Master
I dislike punishment but I do understand the need for it in the M/s relationship. It’s part of the control aspect and must be used to keep that imbalance of power in place. Words are just words and hold no real power in and of themselves without definite action behind them. If this is a “true” power exchange it will be tested by the slave and reinforced by the Master.
I am human I make mistakes. Sometimes I get complacent and to comfortable. So, am I testing or blatantly defiant? I think it’s more complicated than that. Speech and protocol need constant correction especially in the beginning of the relationship, as the slave learns her parameters, modifies her behavior and changes the way she thinks.... every Master is different..has different rules and desires for how he wants a slave to be. There are of course private times when things are more casual.
Rules must be clear and punishment consistent and fitting of the offense. Playing mind games with foggy rules that seem to change as the wind blows can cause despondence, depression and a lack of willingness to do anything for fear of reprisal. These things do not equal a slave that is eager to serve.
A Master that punishes while angry has already lost the ability to control me. Displeasure over my behavior is one thing…anger is something else again...since it could make his punishment more severe than is perhaps warranted and break down my trust.
I do not consider myself defiant or disrespectful. However there have been times when stressors in other areas of my life have made me crave even tighter control. Or, have me confused emotionally on how best to deal with feelings I am having. It’s very much also an eternal struggle to ask for what I need and so in my frustration I have on occasion taken a bit longer to answer my Master’s call or have taken a second or two …to long to kneel. I know he will notice and that he will react …be that he pushes me to my knees, holds my face to his boots or tightly binds me in rope…whatever. Usually for me something confining helps. He knows it centers me and makes me refocus. It’s calming for me. Afterwards though there is always guilt.
The reason I hate punishment is because it feels like such a failure to me. Not because I don’t think I deserve it. …I most often *do*. I have submitted myself to his control and dominance…his direction and in this instance I *have* failed. I have done something that has caused him to be displeased with me.
It’s also a learning thing and his way of confirming for me yet again that he accepts my submission and he *will* exercise his dominance. It’s why we are together in the first place.
I want and need his control of me. The tighter it is the more I like it, which also means more danger of punishment. But I accept that gratefully as the trade off to deeper and deeper submission.
This path is not an easy one. It is littered with the “bodies” of lesser slaves and the Doms who would not or could not take on that responsibility.
Giving him control frees me…frees me from having any other worries save one, serving him. I feed his need for control and he feeds my need to *be* controlled. By giving him my submission my devotion my service and absolute obedience what do I get in return?
A Master that loves and protects me to the depths of which I have never seen in the vanilla world. I can be absolutely vulnerable and open. There is no reason to hide anything because he already knows it all. I can just be me, completely a woman in every way and revel and rejoice in the feeling of being in the presence of an uncompromising male.
As much as I hate punishment I would not stay in an M/s relationship without it. It’s another layer of trust. Trust that he is doing what is best for both of us. Trusting that there might be more information regarding the situation then I know or that has been shared with me. His word is the final one.
7 Days until I meet my Master
I dislike punishment but I do understand the need for it in the M/s relationship. It’s part of the control aspect and must be used to keep that imbalance of power in place. Words are just words and hold no real power in and of themselves without definite action behind them. If this is a “true” power exchange it will be tested by the slave and reinforced by the Master.
I am human I make mistakes. Sometimes I get complacent and to comfortable. So, am I testing or blatantly defiant? I think it’s more complicated than that. Speech and protocol need constant correction especially in the beginning of the relationship, as the slave learns her parameters, modifies her behavior and changes the way she thinks.... every Master is different..has different rules and desires for how he wants a slave to be. There are of course private times when things are more casual.
Rules must be clear and punishment consistent and fitting of the offense. Playing mind games with foggy rules that seem to change as the wind blows can cause despondence, depression and a lack of willingness to do anything for fear of reprisal. These things do not equal a slave that is eager to serve.
A Master that punishes while angry has already lost the ability to control me. Displeasure over my behavior is one thing…anger is something else again...since it could make his punishment more severe than is perhaps warranted and break down my trust.
I do not consider myself defiant or disrespectful. However there have been times when stressors in other areas of my life have made me crave even tighter control. Or, have me confused emotionally on how best to deal with feelings I am having. It’s very much also an eternal struggle to ask for what I need and so in my frustration I have on occasion taken a bit longer to answer my Master’s call or have taken a second or two …to long to kneel. I know he will notice and that he will react …be that he pushes me to my knees, holds my face to his boots or tightly binds me in rope…whatever. Usually for me something confining helps. He knows it centers me and makes me refocus. It’s calming for me. Afterwards though there is always guilt.
The reason I hate punishment is because it feels like such a failure to me. Not because I don’t think I deserve it. …I most often *do*. I have submitted myself to his control and dominance…his direction and in this instance I *have* failed. I have done something that has caused him to be displeased with me.
It’s also a learning thing and his way of confirming for me yet again that he accepts my submission and he *will* exercise his dominance. It’s why we are together in the first place.
I want and need his control of me. The tighter it is the more I like it, which also means more danger of punishment. But I accept that gratefully as the trade off to deeper and deeper submission.
This path is not an easy one. It is littered with the “bodies” of lesser slaves and the Doms who would not or could not take on that responsibility.
Giving him control frees me…frees me from having any other worries save one, serving him. I feed his need for control and he feeds my need to *be* controlled. By giving him my submission my devotion my service and absolute obedience what do I get in return?
A Master that loves and protects me to the depths of which I have never seen in the vanilla world. I can be absolutely vulnerable and open. There is no reason to hide anything because he already knows it all. I can just be me, completely a woman in every way and revel and rejoice in the feeling of being in the presence of an uncompromising male.
As much as I hate punishment I would not stay in an M/s relationship without it. It’s another layer of trust. Trust that he is doing what is best for both of us. Trusting that there might be more information regarding the situation then I know or that has been shared with me. His word is the final one.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I Feel Sexiest When....
November 4, 2009
13 days until I meet my Master
I feel sexiest when….
When I know I am desired and wanted
When a man says “Hello gorgeous”
When I take extra care with my appearance, clothing, makeup and a man notices
When I take a long bath in candle light sipping champagne
When I am relaxed in my environment
When men flirt with me
When a man can’t stop touching me
When I am kissed on the neck
When man whispers to me all the wicked things he wants to do with me.
When I am treated as a treasure worth the time to unwrap slowly.
When he wants me so badly he can’t even wait to remove all my clothing. Taking me rough and hard.
Candles candles candles
Music soft or wild depending on my mood always makes me feel sexy
Romantic movies
When I think I am irresistible
When I flirt outrageously
When I have been to the spa for ultra pampering
When I am kissed without being asked and by someone that knows how
When I am called *back* to bed
When I wear blouses that expose my cleavage
When a man takes charge and control of me
When a man orders my food for me
When I wear Stockings and heels
Sexy lingerie
When a man turns to look at me from across the room and with one gesture or subtle look lets me know I am to be at his side or at his feet depending on where we are.
When a sexual encounter is not always planned
When a man grabs my hair.
When I wear long fur coat with little or nothing on underneath and high heels.
When men talk in their growly tired voice.
13 days until I meet my Master
I feel sexiest when….
When I know I am desired and wanted
When a man says “Hello gorgeous”
When I take extra care with my appearance, clothing, makeup and a man notices
When I take a long bath in candle light sipping champagne
When I am relaxed in my environment
When men flirt with me
When a man can’t stop touching me
When I am kissed on the neck
When man whispers to me all the wicked things he wants to do with me.
When I am treated as a treasure worth the time to unwrap slowly.
When he wants me so badly he can’t even wait to remove all my clothing. Taking me rough and hard.
Candles candles candles
Music soft or wild depending on my mood always makes me feel sexy
Romantic movies
When I think I am irresistible
When I flirt outrageously
When I have been to the spa for ultra pampering
When I am kissed without being asked and by someone that knows how
When I am called *back* to bed
When I wear blouses that expose my cleavage
When a man takes charge and control of me
When a man orders my food for me
When I wear Stockings and heels
Sexy lingerie
When a man turns to look at me from across the room and with one gesture or subtle look lets me know I am to be at his side or at his feet depending on where we are.
When a sexual encounter is not always planned
When a man grabs my hair.
When I wear long fur coat with little or nothing on underneath and high heels.
When men talk in their growly tired voice.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Is Everlasting Love Possible?
November 1, 2009
15 Days Until I meet My Master
While it may seem that this is perhaps an odd question to be answering in a blog that talks about a BDSM relationship it really is not. Long term relationships of any kind need a foundation of love if the purpose is a mutual satisfying life. I honestly do not think a slave/sub can deepen their submission without loving their dominant. That kind of trust and devotion are linked in love. At least for me.
I will not even begin to discuss here all the other reasons people stay together and there are many many *besides* love.
I think love *can* last a life time and I also think it’s extremely rare. I believe when most people come together it’s not really love...that its lust or romantic fantasy. That we tend to see what we want to see in that other person. That’s why time is so important. All comes to light with time and I mean a couple of years at least. Everyone is on their best behavior at first. If after that you are shocked about what happens it means you never took the rose colored glasses off.
And also, life pulls us all in many different directions and things happen we never planned on. Some relationships cannot survive it. Love is not a static thing it must change and evolve as the relationship does through time or it may stop.
When you bond with someone in a loving relationship do *not* do it because you see potential or you hope they will change. That never works. Opposites *may* attract but it is not what makes a long lasting loving relationship.
When I talk of love I do not necessarily mean the couple that has been together 50 years, although if love has endured it is a treasure indeed. But, I have known couples that spent their whole lives together when perhaps they should not have. And just because a relationship does not last “forever” does not mean it was not love. It means that love gave all it could give you within the time you were together.
Love lasts as long as it lasts and I will enjoy every moment fully and in complete abandon to him that I call my Master until such a time as my service to him no longer makes his heart quicken and his eyes smile.
To death do us part? That does not matter so much to me as the day to day journey I travel to serve him in complete devotion. We have been together two years and counting. And there has not been one day, not one that I wished to kneel before another. Even among the moments of punishment and my struggle with my deepening submission. His patience and our love for one another have never wavered. When and if that ever changes, then love will have run its course. Until that time I will love him and submit to him and his will with absolute loyalty as if time had no meaning.
15 Days Until I meet My Master
While it may seem that this is perhaps an odd question to be answering in a blog that talks about a BDSM relationship it really is not. Long term relationships of any kind need a foundation of love if the purpose is a mutual satisfying life. I honestly do not think a slave/sub can deepen their submission without loving their dominant. That kind of trust and devotion are linked in love. At least for me.
I will not even begin to discuss here all the other reasons people stay together and there are many many *besides* love.
I think love *can* last a life time and I also think it’s extremely rare. I believe when most people come together it’s not really love...that its lust or romantic fantasy. That we tend to see what we want to see in that other person. That’s why time is so important. All comes to light with time and I mean a couple of years at least. Everyone is on their best behavior at first. If after that you are shocked about what happens it means you never took the rose colored glasses off.
And also, life pulls us all in many different directions and things happen we never planned on. Some relationships cannot survive it. Love is not a static thing it must change and evolve as the relationship does through time or it may stop.
When you bond with someone in a loving relationship do *not* do it because you see potential or you hope they will change. That never works. Opposites *may* attract but it is not what makes a long lasting loving relationship.
When I talk of love I do not necessarily mean the couple that has been together 50 years, although if love has endured it is a treasure indeed. But, I have known couples that spent their whole lives together when perhaps they should not have. And just because a relationship does not last “forever” does not mean it was not love. It means that love gave all it could give you within the time you were together.
Love lasts as long as it lasts and I will enjoy every moment fully and in complete abandon to him that I call my Master until such a time as my service to him no longer makes his heart quicken and his eyes smile.
To death do us part? That does not matter so much to me as the day to day journey I travel to serve him in complete devotion. We have been together two years and counting. And there has not been one day, not one that I wished to kneel before another. Even among the moments of punishment and my struggle with my deepening submission. His patience and our love for one another have never wavered. When and if that ever changes, then love will have run its course. Until that time I will love him and submit to him and his will with absolute loyalty as if time had no meaning.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
A Comment from Stephen
When Eirene began this blog several weeks ago, she gave me the ability to make posts of my own. I saw this as a sincere act of submission to me, and one that embodies many of the things that she has been posting here: trust in me and my discretion, relinquishing of power to me.
To my mind, some of the most sincere acts of submission are the small ones. Like giving me control over her blog. Being certain to have my favorite foods and drinks on hand. Paying attention to those things I like so that she anticipates my desires even before I express them.
I have not told Eirene that I am making this post, and the first time that she becomes aware of it will be when she visits her own blog and discovers a post that she did not make.
I have decided to make this post on Eirene’s blog for two reasons. First, because I have learned that control needs to be exercised. And this post just by its existence reminds my girl that she has given me control and that I *will* exercise it – not just here, in this simple way, but in every aspect of her life. And that there will be times when she is not immediately aware that the control *is* being exercised, but it is there nonetheless.
Second, I have something I want to say. It is short and simple. I have read every word of this blog. And I have said what I have to say to Eirene privately, but I want all to know it.
I am intensely proud of my slave.
I love you, Eirene.
To my mind, some of the most sincere acts of submission are the small ones. Like giving me control over her blog. Being certain to have my favorite foods and drinks on hand. Paying attention to those things I like so that she anticipates my desires even before I express them.
I have not told Eirene that I am making this post, and the first time that she becomes aware of it will be when she visits her own blog and discovers a post that she did not make.
I have decided to make this post on Eirene’s blog for two reasons. First, because I have learned that control needs to be exercised. And this post just by its existence reminds my girl that she has given me control and that I *will* exercise it – not just here, in this simple way, but in every aspect of her life. And that there will be times when she is not immediately aware that the control *is* being exercised, but it is there nonetheless.
Second, I have something I want to say. It is short and simple. I have read every word of this blog. And I have said what I have to say to Eirene privately, but I want all to know it.
I am intensely proud of my slave.
I love you, Eirene.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Songs That Describe My Relationship With My Master
October 26, 2009
22 Days Until I Meet My Master
Evanescence - Bring Me To Life
Kelly Clarkson — You Found Me
I have been searching so long for a Master...a lifetime of blind alleys and corners. I have made more mistakes in choosing men then I care to admit here. They either could not or would not take my “leash” meaning that they could not or would not take control of me. In which case I was ruthless in my backlash of frustration and proceeded in no uncertain terms to pretty much walk all over them in my four inch heels. The other extreme was to find myself with abusive men that tried to destroy every good feeling I ever had about myself by beating it out of me on a regular basis.
So I numbed myself, put myself in a place where I felt nothing. Put up walls no one could break down. Or so I thought until I met…Master Stephen. I quit looking and suddenly there he was. He saw something in me no one else did. I think figuratively I did a double take and looked behind myself. He *had* to be looking at some other slave. He was strong confident very Dom and droolingly handsome. I was ecstatic and angry at the same time. From OMG you finally found me to where the hell have you been? Now all of that has passed and I find myself on the brink of a lifelong fantasy of how I wanted to live my life. In service to a Master that knows the meaning of that word. Has the desire and the ability to take control of me, bend me and mold me. The past fades for me now. It no longer matters how I got here just that I *am* here and here I will remain in faithful service until my Master decides his use of me is complete. He really has…. brought me to life.
Michael Buble – Lost
Again dealing with my feelings of being lost with no direction and him gently but deliberately guiding me back. What was it I wonder that he saw in that lost haunted woman he met a couple years ago? With his incredible sense of when to be stern and when to be seductively sweet drawing out my submissive side. I am not only no longer lost I have come home.
Andrew Lloyd Webber - The Music Of The Night
If the other songs were my Master finding me, this one is what I have become within his hands. A slave I now think any Master would be proud to own but there is only one I care to submit myself to. And he is the one that saw something no one else took the time to. This song is hypnotic and pulls at those deep recesses of me that begs to serve.
**I have spent my whole life running and its time to stop. Even from my Master have I tried to run and *every* single time he appears in the place I have run to...not even out of breath. In fact as if he had been casually waiting for me to show up there.
If this is all a dream…please please please do not wake me up!
22 Days Until I Meet My Master
Evanescence - Bring Me To Life
Kelly Clarkson — You Found Me
I have been searching so long for a Master...a lifetime of blind alleys and corners. I have made more mistakes in choosing men then I care to admit here. They either could not or would not take my “leash” meaning that they could not or would not take control of me. In which case I was ruthless in my backlash of frustration and proceeded in no uncertain terms to pretty much walk all over them in my four inch heels. The other extreme was to find myself with abusive men that tried to destroy every good feeling I ever had about myself by beating it out of me on a regular basis.
So I numbed myself, put myself in a place where I felt nothing. Put up walls no one could break down. Or so I thought until I met…Master Stephen. I quit looking and suddenly there he was. He saw something in me no one else did. I think figuratively I did a double take and looked behind myself. He *had* to be looking at some other slave. He was strong confident very Dom and droolingly handsome. I was ecstatic and angry at the same time. From OMG you finally found me to where the hell have you been? Now all of that has passed and I find myself on the brink of a lifelong fantasy of how I wanted to live my life. In service to a Master that knows the meaning of that word. Has the desire and the ability to take control of me, bend me and mold me. The past fades for me now. It no longer matters how I got here just that I *am* here and here I will remain in faithful service until my Master decides his use of me is complete. He really has…. brought me to life.
Michael Buble – Lost
Again dealing with my feelings of being lost with no direction and him gently but deliberately guiding me back. What was it I wonder that he saw in that lost haunted woman he met a couple years ago? With his incredible sense of when to be stern and when to be seductively sweet drawing out my submissive side. I am not only no longer lost I have come home.
Andrew Lloyd Webber - The Music Of The Night
If the other songs were my Master finding me, this one is what I have become within his hands. A slave I now think any Master would be proud to own but there is only one I care to submit myself to. And he is the one that saw something no one else took the time to. This song is hypnotic and pulls at those deep recesses of me that begs to serve.
**I have spent my whole life running and its time to stop. Even from my Master have I tried to run and *every* single time he appears in the place I have run to...not even out of breath. In fact as if he had been casually waiting for me to show up there.
If this is all a dream…please please please do not wake me up!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
What Qualities Or Character Traits Does A Master Need To Have In Order To Gain My Consent To Serve?
October 24, 2009
24 Days Until I meet My Master
What qualities or character traits does a Master need to have in order to gain my consent to serve? Why do I feel they are important?
This may be the most important aspect of the whole M/s relationship. These are the things a slave should research *before* that collar is locked around her neck. And they are different depending on the slave.
*Compassionate Sadist - I enjoy pain with a Master who is a controlled compassionate sadist. I get true pleasure from it, a physical rush of adrenaline to ecstasy. It also allows me a release of my inner pain. If he is not a sadist to my masochist side I will not be able to feel my slavery fully within his ownership of me.
*Limits should be comparable – I think it’s important that we have the similar kinks or it is not going to be very fulfilling for either of us. I want my Master to enjoy my service and I want to enjoy it also. If he were to be say… into medical play and I vomited at the sight of needles...that is something I should have found out before hand.
*24/7 slave with sex being a component of the domination – My slavery is not going to be complete without a 24/7 life of it. So a Master that wishes a slave on a part time basis is not going to feed my craving for total control. And sex is an important part of that equation. Giving up control of even my sex to be used for his pleasure.
*Self Control – If he can’t control himself then how can he control me?
*A Sense of Humor - Essential in a lifestyle that often ends up in hysterically funny positions, or situations. When I beg to be released from his full rope bondage that he just spent two hours at perfecting each and every knot and braiding the crotch ropes, and suddenly I need to use the little submissive’s room, does he laugh and say, “Sure, no problem. I built in a quick release.” and then patiently re-tie every knot when I come crawling back for more? Or, does he yell, “I told you to go pee before we started! I am not releasing you! This rope work is art!” Well, that surely doesn’t sound very much like he has a sense of humor to me, much less the fact he just flunked Self-Control 101, not to mention about 15 other standards in my head.
*Capacity to Love, Be Loved and to Express that Love. - Easy to discern. Do his eyes smile at me with those cute little crinkles in the corners? Can he clean up after I vomit for two days with the flu? Can he let me clean up after him when he’s been vomiting for two days from the flu? When I say, “I love you, Master”, does he softly caress my hair and I know he means it when he says, “I love you too, my girl.” Or does he huff and puff and suddenly decide he might miss an appointment if he doesn’t leave right now. Doesn’t sound like he even knows what love is.
*Desire to Learn and Grow, for both of us. - I would rather not have a Master who thinks he already has all the answers, before the two of us have even begun to figure out the questions? If I have this burning (no pun intended) desire to experience fire play, I would want to know that he would seek expert training before lighting me on fire. Part of his ‘job’ and mine, is to keep me safe from harm. If he can’t admit that he doesn’t know everything about everything, and harms me trying to show his ‘skills’, well, that doesn’t sound so great to me.
*Poly relationships – I think “working” poly relationships can be extremely rewarding for all involved and I love the dynamics of having other slaves that are committed to the same goal as I am. My Master’s happiness. While it may not always be part of our relationship it is an important for me to know that if that next slave were to present herself or himself, that my Master has that expectation that he would enjoy those kinds of relationships as well.
I think in closing I would just like to add that thinking and questioning your own “requirements” for a Master is critically important. If you are looking for a Master slave or Dominant submissive relationship there are things you must find out first if there is any hope of it lasting beyond the next scene. Do the work needed and then submit fully knowing that you as the slave/sub have done everything you could to ensure the success of the relationship before it even begins.
24 Days Until I meet My Master
What qualities or character traits does a Master need to have in order to gain my consent to serve? Why do I feel they are important?
This may be the most important aspect of the whole M/s relationship. These are the things a slave should research *before* that collar is locked around her neck. And they are different depending on the slave.
*Compassionate Sadist - I enjoy pain with a Master who is a controlled compassionate sadist. I get true pleasure from it, a physical rush of adrenaline to ecstasy. It also allows me a release of my inner pain. If he is not a sadist to my masochist side I will not be able to feel my slavery fully within his ownership of me.
*Limits should be comparable – I think it’s important that we have the similar kinks or it is not going to be very fulfilling for either of us. I want my Master to enjoy my service and I want to enjoy it also. If he were to be say… into medical play and I vomited at the sight of needles...that is something I should have found out before hand.
*24/7 slave with sex being a component of the domination – My slavery is not going to be complete without a 24/7 life of it. So a Master that wishes a slave on a part time basis is not going to feed my craving for total control. And sex is an important part of that equation. Giving up control of even my sex to be used for his pleasure.
*Self Control – If he can’t control himself then how can he control me?
*A Sense of Humor - Essential in a lifestyle that often ends up in hysterically funny positions, or situations. When I beg to be released from his full rope bondage that he just spent two hours at perfecting each and every knot and braiding the crotch ropes, and suddenly I need to use the little submissive’s room, does he laugh and say, “Sure, no problem. I built in a quick release.” and then patiently re-tie every knot when I come crawling back for more? Or, does he yell, “I told you to go pee before we started! I am not releasing you! This rope work is art!” Well, that surely doesn’t sound very much like he has a sense of humor to me, much less the fact he just flunked Self-Control 101, not to mention about 15 other standards in my head.
*Capacity to Love, Be Loved and to Express that Love. - Easy to discern. Do his eyes smile at me with those cute little crinkles in the corners? Can he clean up after I vomit for two days with the flu? Can he let me clean up after him when he’s been vomiting for two days from the flu? When I say, “I love you, Master”, does he softly caress my hair and I know he means it when he says, “I love you too, my girl.” Or does he huff and puff and suddenly decide he might miss an appointment if he doesn’t leave right now. Doesn’t sound like he even knows what love is.
*Desire to Learn and Grow, for both of us. - I would rather not have a Master who thinks he already has all the answers, before the two of us have even begun to figure out the questions? If I have this burning (no pun intended) desire to experience fire play, I would want to know that he would seek expert training before lighting me on fire. Part of his ‘job’ and mine, is to keep me safe from harm. If he can’t admit that he doesn’t know everything about everything, and harms me trying to show his ‘skills’, well, that doesn’t sound so great to me.
*Poly relationships – I think “working” poly relationships can be extremely rewarding for all involved and I love the dynamics of having other slaves that are committed to the same goal as I am. My Master’s happiness. While it may not always be part of our relationship it is an important for me to know that if that next slave were to present herself or himself, that my Master has that expectation that he would enjoy those kinds of relationships as well.
I think in closing I would just like to add that thinking and questioning your own “requirements” for a Master is critically important. If you are looking for a Master slave or Dominant submissive relationship there are things you must find out first if there is any hope of it lasting beyond the next scene. Do the work needed and then submit fully knowing that you as the slave/sub have done everything you could to ensure the success of the relationship before it even begins.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
My Lion Sleeps
October 21, 2009
27 Days Until I meet My Master
Its early morning, very early …around 3:30am. As I slip from beneath the warmth of the down comforter, He barely stirs and I smile as I pause a moment to watch him sleeping so deep and peaceful. My eyes roam over his lean hard naked body before I cover him.
Outside the window, fresh fallen snow sparkles, even on this moonless night. Each crystal glass like particle, reflecting the glitter of the stars as they dance and dip in the chill wind. The very wind that speaks to me now in hushed whispers as it skips along with some last lingering dried leaves...its incantation a prediction of my future. “You ……are……. owned………….”
My body, not used to the harshness of winter, shivers as I reach for my robe lying in abandon across an ornate Victorian era chair. How many women have over the many years of its existence done likewhys? What memories are infolded within the richness of the ruby brocade fabric?
I rise and head to the bathroom. Standing in front of the full length mirror naked, my toes sinking into the softness of the carpet as my fingers move to my neck to run along the edge of my collar….*His* collar.
My hair, is a mass of wildness surrounding a pale flawless face. “Do I look different” I wonder to myself. “I certainly *feel* different. My body hurts in places I did not know it could hurt. How do I feel? Completely possessed, owned. My imagination did not do this feeling justice.”
I turn my back to the mirror and look over my shoulder biting my lower lip. My back is Pink with raised marks from my Master’s flogger. Between my legs are streaks of blood mixed with his rapture . My body trembles as I watch my lips speak the words. “My Master.”
I hear him moan in his sleep and I look quickly out the door. My Lion still sleeps in that deeply sated contented way of truly dominant men. I close the door again leaving a crack open just in case he awakens and calls for me. I flip on the shower adjusting the temperature as I step into the vaporous heat, letting it sink into my aching used body.
I bring a bar of rose soap to my nose and breathe it in…the fragrance fills my lungs and I murmur contentedly then begin to lather my body. Fingers gliding freely over my softness and down between my thighs gasping at my tenderness there. I take a step back fully immersing myself in the flow of the water as it cascades down the lusciousness of my newly awakened senses. Rinsing off the bubbles as they burst in frothy mounds.
The rose fragrance of my shampoo imparts itself within the strands of my hair as I scrub my scalp. Steam fills the small room like a fog and as I step out I notice the mirror has misted over. I smile and leave a simple message upon the glass. A bit of magick to end two days that has changed my path in life forever.
I wrap my body within my black velour robe and quiver slightly as it brushes against my tender back. As I tiptoe back out into the bedroom I listen to his rhythmic breathing that lets me know he still sleeps.
The view of the magnificence of the surrounding mountains hits me with renewed reverence as I enter the living room. The windows of the cabin go from floor to ceiling allowing nature to be the only art needed.
I cup my hands around a freshly brewed cup of coffee as subtle scents of nuts, vanilla and cinnamon welcome me to the early dawn. I am living a dream in a land dreams. Maybe the rest of life will fade away to leave me this... and only this.
I close my eyes and see again that lusty darkness in his eyes. His dominant needs demanding appeasement. His cock testifying and standing erect in full glory as the instrument of that need.
All night the night before last he had lain with me holding me and had not exercised his control over me. Lying in the same bed that is now filled with the perfume of our spent passions my Master had denied himself. Was it to show me he could control himself and keep his word when it was given? Was it really all about trust? Trust grounded in true love.
Was it just yesterday morning that I had knelt before him and offered my submission which he accepted as he placed his collar around my neck?...
My whole body turns in response as I hear him call me and with renewed purpose and direction I set the cup beside the sink.
My Master calls and to his bed I return to quell any desires that have come to light in dawns break over snowy mountains.
As I pass the doorway to the bedroom I step out of my past and into the arms of my future.
27 Days Until I meet My Master
Its early morning, very early …around 3:30am. As I slip from beneath the warmth of the down comforter, He barely stirs and I smile as I pause a moment to watch him sleeping so deep and peaceful. My eyes roam over his lean hard naked body before I cover him.
Outside the window, fresh fallen snow sparkles, even on this moonless night. Each crystal glass like particle, reflecting the glitter of the stars as they dance and dip in the chill wind. The very wind that speaks to me now in hushed whispers as it skips along with some last lingering dried leaves...its incantation a prediction of my future. “You ……are……. owned………….”
My body, not used to the harshness of winter, shivers as I reach for my robe lying in abandon across an ornate Victorian era chair. How many women have over the many years of its existence done likewhys? What memories are infolded within the richness of the ruby brocade fabric?
I rise and head to the bathroom. Standing in front of the full length mirror naked, my toes sinking into the softness of the carpet as my fingers move to my neck to run along the edge of my collar….*His* collar.
My hair, is a mass of wildness surrounding a pale flawless face. “Do I look different” I wonder to myself. “I certainly *feel* different. My body hurts in places I did not know it could hurt. How do I feel? Completely possessed, owned. My imagination did not do this feeling justice.”
I turn my back to the mirror and look over my shoulder biting my lower lip. My back is Pink with raised marks from my Master’s flogger. Between my legs are streaks of blood mixed with his rapture . My body trembles as I watch my lips speak the words. “My Master.”
I hear him moan in his sleep and I look quickly out the door. My Lion still sleeps in that deeply sated contented way of truly dominant men. I close the door again leaving a crack open just in case he awakens and calls for me. I flip on the shower adjusting the temperature as I step into the vaporous heat, letting it sink into my aching used body.
I bring a bar of rose soap to my nose and breathe it in…the fragrance fills my lungs and I murmur contentedly then begin to lather my body. Fingers gliding freely over my softness and down between my thighs gasping at my tenderness there. I take a step back fully immersing myself in the flow of the water as it cascades down the lusciousness of my newly awakened senses. Rinsing off the bubbles as they burst in frothy mounds.
The rose fragrance of my shampoo imparts itself within the strands of my hair as I scrub my scalp. Steam fills the small room like a fog and as I step out I notice the mirror has misted over. I smile and leave a simple message upon the glass. A bit of magick to end two days that has changed my path in life forever.
I wrap my body within my black velour robe and quiver slightly as it brushes against my tender back. As I tiptoe back out into the bedroom I listen to his rhythmic breathing that lets me know he still sleeps.
The view of the magnificence of the surrounding mountains hits me with renewed reverence as I enter the living room. The windows of the cabin go from floor to ceiling allowing nature to be the only art needed.
I cup my hands around a freshly brewed cup of coffee as subtle scents of nuts, vanilla and cinnamon welcome me to the early dawn. I am living a dream in a land dreams. Maybe the rest of life will fade away to leave me this... and only this.
I close my eyes and see again that lusty darkness in his eyes. His dominant needs demanding appeasement. His cock testifying and standing erect in full glory as the instrument of that need.
All night the night before last he had lain with me holding me and had not exercised his control over me. Lying in the same bed that is now filled with the perfume of our spent passions my Master had denied himself. Was it to show me he could control himself and keep his word when it was given? Was it really all about trust? Trust grounded in true love.
Was it just yesterday morning that I had knelt before him and offered my submission which he accepted as he placed his collar around my neck?...
My whole body turns in response as I hear him call me and with renewed purpose and direction I set the cup beside the sink.
My Master calls and to his bed I return to quell any desires that have come to light in dawns break over snowy mountains.
As I pass the doorway to the bedroom I step out of my past and into the arms of my future.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
What Are My Greatest Weaknesses As A Slave? What Am I Doing To Help Improve That?
October 18, 2009
30 Days Until I Meet My Master
I would have to say my greatest weaknesses are my self doubt, lack of confidence, my need for reassurance, my difficulty in trusting and my anxiety. Not that their manifestation was not justified but that does not make them acceptable now.
What can I do to improve that? How do I stop the voices in my head that say I am not good enough? Why are the bad things so much easier to believe?
So what are some things that will increase my self esteem and confidence? *Teach* something, regardless of what that might be. I love teaching or mentoring others. It’s a sharing of self and what is important to me, and so my passion for the topic tends to brush away my fears. I *always* feel stronger more sure of myself. It’s in the sharing with others that we learn how much we really know and it’s always a delightful surprise and confirmation to me of how far I have come. And when others do well and expand on their own thoughts with the seeds I have sown, I also blossom.
Writing, writing and more writing. Another powerful passion of mine that imparts back to me the feeling of having created something that speaks my heart to others. It’s a huge release of the emotions I often feel lay trapped within me.
When I do have time on my own I need to do nurturing things. Things that feel good, within the parameters of my Master’s rules of course. What I mean is little things like taking a walk or a drive. Curling up with a good book. Perhaps a long candlelit bath with an exceptional wine in hand and some soothing music. Sew, garden, do some casual shopping, go to a salon for some pampering. Visit a museum or someplace where I can see and or touch animals, rock and hold babies.
All of these things and more refresh my spirit and make me a better woman and slave when I am once again within his presence.
None of these things change those seemingly bottomless fears overnight. It’s a process like anything else. And I must not allow myself to be continuously in the presence or earshot of those that would try to quash my tender growing confidence.
If my Master is pleased with me that is all that I require. He is that fresh breeze that blows through to my core. He has awakened a part of me that I thought long dead. He *will* have the best slave I can be.
30 Days Until I Meet My Master
I would have to say my greatest weaknesses are my self doubt, lack of confidence, my need for reassurance, my difficulty in trusting and my anxiety. Not that their manifestation was not justified but that does not make them acceptable now.
What can I do to improve that? How do I stop the voices in my head that say I am not good enough? Why are the bad things so much easier to believe?
So what are some things that will increase my self esteem and confidence? *Teach* something, regardless of what that might be. I love teaching or mentoring others. It’s a sharing of self and what is important to me, and so my passion for the topic tends to brush away my fears. I *always* feel stronger more sure of myself. It’s in the sharing with others that we learn how much we really know and it’s always a delightful surprise and confirmation to me of how far I have come. And when others do well and expand on their own thoughts with the seeds I have sown, I also blossom.
Writing, writing and more writing. Another powerful passion of mine that imparts back to me the feeling of having created something that speaks my heart to others. It’s a huge release of the emotions I often feel lay trapped within me.
When I do have time on my own I need to do nurturing things. Things that feel good, within the parameters of my Master’s rules of course. What I mean is little things like taking a walk or a drive. Curling up with a good book. Perhaps a long candlelit bath with an exceptional wine in hand and some soothing music. Sew, garden, do some casual shopping, go to a salon for some pampering. Visit a museum or someplace where I can see and or touch animals, rock and hold babies.
All of these things and more refresh my spirit and make me a better woman and slave when I am once again within his presence.
None of these things change those seemingly bottomless fears overnight. It’s a process like anything else. And I must not allow myself to be continuously in the presence or earshot of those that would try to quash my tender growing confidence.
If my Master is pleased with me that is all that I require. He is that fresh breeze that blows through to my core. He has awakened a part of me that I thought long dead. He *will* have the best slave I can be.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Three Things That I need To Be Emotionally Fulfilled By My Service To My Master
October 15, 2009
33 days until I meet my Master
It’s very hard for me as sub to think about my own personal needs much less talk about them and discuss them. That being said it is a good discussion point and important in that a slave that feels emotionally content and secure will never withdraw her consent even if that is just in an emotional way and not in a physical way.
I am fighting a little with the word “need” which sounds so very demanding to me. And yet in every type of relationship we as human beings have, we have needs in regards to those. This 24/7, D/s, M/s, relationship has the very specific needs of the Dominant spelled out for me. I like it that way. I do not want to have to guess what he expects or wants. But what do *I* need?
To make this relationship work and last … what do I need from him?
1.) I need to feel protected.
I have a past that has left me with issues of fearing emotional and physical bodily harm. It is my self protection that presents itself in various forms a few of those being:
Checking to make sure my door is locked 10 times before I can sleep. Sleeping on the side of the bed farthest from the bedroom door and with my body facing the door.
Most people have this illusion of personal safety like a bubble around them. Mine was taken long ago.
I also have an amazing ability to “appear” emotionally distant and cold. Leaving a relationship before someone can leave me. Never, never ever needing anyone.
But I do need my Master. And I feel his protection in many ways. I like that he knows where I am or can find out where I am simply by phoning ((my cell phone has GPS enabled)). Some might see this as a non trusting type issue …I see it as him being able to find me if something horrible happens and I need him.
When I awaken from a nightmare and he holds me…soothes me, this is also a form of protection.
When he states in word and deed that he will never allow anyone to hurt me.
2.) I need to know he “hears” me. And I mean this in a specific way. He listens, not just about any concerns I might have regarding a scene we have done or situation that has come up or a question I have but the lighthearted silly things as well ...the quiet sharing bonding things.
And even when the conversation is difficult for me and the answer to it even more so…ultimately it’s not about the question or his decision regarding it that will have the most lasting effect. It’s the fact that he took the time to hear me. That he acknowledged it, that it had value, even if it that value was just bringing a smile to his face or having him laugh with me or hold me reassuringly.
3.) I need to feel cherished, accepted for all I am even the darker parts. Otherwise how can I share with him all of my heart and all of my deepening submission.
Without these three things I cannot trust and without trust there is no submission.
33 days until I meet my Master
It’s very hard for me as sub to think about my own personal needs much less talk about them and discuss them. That being said it is a good discussion point and important in that a slave that feels emotionally content and secure will never withdraw her consent even if that is just in an emotional way and not in a physical way.
I am fighting a little with the word “need” which sounds so very demanding to me. And yet in every type of relationship we as human beings have, we have needs in regards to those. This 24/7, D/s, M/s, relationship has the very specific needs of the Dominant spelled out for me. I like it that way. I do not want to have to guess what he expects or wants. But what do *I* need?
To make this relationship work and last … what do I need from him?
1.) I need to feel protected.
I have a past that has left me with issues of fearing emotional and physical bodily harm. It is my self protection that presents itself in various forms a few of those being:
Checking to make sure my door is locked 10 times before I can sleep. Sleeping on the side of the bed farthest from the bedroom door and with my body facing the door.
Most people have this illusion of personal safety like a bubble around them. Mine was taken long ago.
I also have an amazing ability to “appear” emotionally distant and cold. Leaving a relationship before someone can leave me. Never, never ever needing anyone.
But I do need my Master. And I feel his protection in many ways. I like that he knows where I am or can find out where I am simply by phoning ((my cell phone has GPS enabled)). Some might see this as a non trusting type issue …I see it as him being able to find me if something horrible happens and I need him.
When I awaken from a nightmare and he holds me…soothes me, this is also a form of protection.
When he states in word and deed that he will never allow anyone to hurt me.
2.) I need to know he “hears” me. And I mean this in a specific way. He listens, not just about any concerns I might have regarding a scene we have done or situation that has come up or a question I have but the lighthearted silly things as well ...the quiet sharing bonding things.
And even when the conversation is difficult for me and the answer to it even more so…ultimately it’s not about the question or his decision regarding it that will have the most lasting effect. It’s the fact that he took the time to hear me. That he acknowledged it, that it had value, even if it that value was just bringing a smile to his face or having him laugh with me or hold me reassuringly.
3.) I need to feel cherished, accepted for all I am even the darker parts. Otherwise how can I share with him all of my heart and all of my deepening submission.
Without these three things I cannot trust and without trust there is no submission.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Ten Ways I Can Indirectly Serve My Master
October 11, 2009
37 Days until I meet my Master
Make sure my body is always ready to serve him. Pampered, pretty and dressed well. Always pleasing to look at …a delight to the senses of sight, smell and touch and voice, so that others admire what he owns even when I am not with him.
Obedient and respectful of my place no matter where I am or who I am with. The world is really a very small place and I will no doubt run into people that know my Master.
Make sure I have the wine and beer he likes, cheese he likes, fruit he likes.
Record the shows he likes to watch so that he can enjoy them at his leisure.
All Master/slave equipment kept clean taken care of and put away in their proper places. Ready when he wishes to use them again.
Be on the lookout for shows or movies or events he might be interested in.
Always watch to see if there are any available women that catch his interest. His pleasure brings me pleasure. Be that with my body or the body of another.
Learn to cook what he likes to eat just the way he likes it.
Always have some of the cookies he likes available.
Do things that heighten my own desire so that I am intensely sexual at all times.
Make sure his printer always has paper and extra ink.
That his iPod, phone, blackberry are all charged and ready for him.
All his clothing is clean pressed and put away. Any buttons that may be loose removed and replaced or refastened.
His home always clean and welcoming to him.
If there is a book or reference he wants or needs that the next time he sits down to work or read he has it.
Learn new things that I think might be pleasing to him, like massage or gourmet cooking or even a foreign language.
A few books for him to choose from for me to read to him while he relaxes.
((Okay so, that’s more than ten. I kind of got carried away. *smiles*))
37 Days until I meet my Master
Make sure my body is always ready to serve him. Pampered, pretty and dressed well. Always pleasing to look at …a delight to the senses of sight, smell and touch and voice, so that others admire what he owns even when I am not with him.
Obedient and respectful of my place no matter where I am or who I am with. The world is really a very small place and I will no doubt run into people that know my Master.
Make sure I have the wine and beer he likes, cheese he likes, fruit he likes.
Record the shows he likes to watch so that he can enjoy them at his leisure.
All Master/slave equipment kept clean taken care of and put away in their proper places. Ready when he wishes to use them again.
Be on the lookout for shows or movies or events he might be interested in.
Always watch to see if there are any available women that catch his interest. His pleasure brings me pleasure. Be that with my body or the body of another.
Learn to cook what he likes to eat just the way he likes it.
Always have some of the cookies he likes available.
Do things that heighten my own desire so that I am intensely sexual at all times.
Make sure his printer always has paper and extra ink.
That his iPod, phone, blackberry are all charged and ready for him.
All his clothing is clean pressed and put away. Any buttons that may be loose removed and replaced or refastened.
His home always clean and welcoming to him.
If there is a book or reference he wants or needs that the next time he sits down to work or read he has it.
Learn new things that I think might be pleasing to him, like massage or gourmet cooking or even a foreign language.
A few books for him to choose from for me to read to him while he relaxes.
((Okay so, that’s more than ten. I kind of got carried away. *smiles*))
Saturday, October 10, 2009
What Is My Most Valuable Asset to My Master
October 10, 2009
38 days until I meet my Master
I believe it is my quiet reflective side.
Why? Because in my silence I am always listening always watchful. If I am still and quiet I will learn many of his interests and desires.
Being quiet is not a picture of boredom, it’s an opportunity to learn more about him whether he is reading or writing or even among others in a group.
It’s my chance to show my devotion in action and not spoken words.
I take mental notes of what interests him or something he would like to know more about. I am not always able to anticipate his wants but sometimes I am. And his smile is enough of a reward for me to continue forward.
I am able to sit quietly at his feet and be content in that simple act.
I also understand that need for him to have time alone without taking it personally because I need that as well. Within the power exchange we have, it is easier for him as my Master to tell me he will be taking some time to himself.
How I deal with that for myself is to work it around a time when he is not home or has other things he must or wants to do that do not include me. I keep a list of things mostly of the creative kind, so that if time does become available I am then not wasting time wondering what to do. I feel these alone times also make me a more complete and happy slave. I would explain these moments as meditative even. Helping me clear my mind and refocus.
This also gives me a chance to process things if I need to before I talk about them with my Master. I tend to not speak of things right away when they happen but draw them inside myself and think and rethink them. In the past that would have been as far as my thoughts ever got. But now that I am owned I do bring them up in our quieter moments in casual chat. His insights on things always leave me feeling so safe. There really is nothing I feel like I cannot talk to him about. It’s just that sometimes it takes me awhile to get there.
38 days until I meet my Master
I believe it is my quiet reflective side.
Why? Because in my silence I am always listening always watchful. If I am still and quiet I will learn many of his interests and desires.
Being quiet is not a picture of boredom, it’s an opportunity to learn more about him whether he is reading or writing or even among others in a group.
It’s my chance to show my devotion in action and not spoken words.
I take mental notes of what interests him or something he would like to know more about. I am not always able to anticipate his wants but sometimes I am. And his smile is enough of a reward for me to continue forward.
I am able to sit quietly at his feet and be content in that simple act.
I also understand that need for him to have time alone without taking it personally because I need that as well. Within the power exchange we have, it is easier for him as my Master to tell me he will be taking some time to himself.
How I deal with that for myself is to work it around a time when he is not home or has other things he must or wants to do that do not include me. I keep a list of things mostly of the creative kind, so that if time does become available I am then not wasting time wondering what to do. I feel these alone times also make me a more complete and happy slave. I would explain these moments as meditative even. Helping me clear my mind and refocus.
This also gives me a chance to process things if I need to before I talk about them with my Master. I tend to not speak of things right away when they happen but draw them inside myself and think and rethink them. In the past that would have been as far as my thoughts ever got. But now that I am owned I do bring them up in our quieter moments in casual chat. His insights on things always leave me feeling so safe. There really is nothing I feel like I cannot talk to him about. It’s just that sometimes it takes me awhile to get there.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Needing Him As Opposed To Being Needy.
October 9, 2009
What *is* the difference?
I am/was? An independent woman, needing no one. I have deep issues of abandonment. If I don’t need anyone they can’t hurt me when they leave. Bonding, attaching and getting close to someone can cause incredible and deep wounding mental pain.
I am very sexy and very fun, but have not been very loving. With both hands I have spent my life pushing away the very thing I crave. I will leave before I am left. I will not grovel beg or plead. I will pack up my things and go before the words ever come to your lips. I don’t need you…how is it then that I find myself here…needing you?
I can kneel at your feet begging silently for your touch and without a word walk out the front door.
On some basic level, we are meant to need others. To connect, engage, share… love. …beyond all subtext and agenda, looking past all the wreckage of our pasts and baggage… we all want …..No, *need* to know & be known…
If I have become dependent on my Master does that make me a sad pathetic creature? Or have I found a level of protection and love most other women can only dream of?
Have I come all this way to lose myself?
If he wanted me enough to claim me this completely would he then change my core, my essence? Will I still be me?
He tells me that I am loved, safe and cared for. I do feel all of those things all the time.
I need his control.
With complete dependence brings complete vulnerability
I feel myself becoming enslaved to such a degree that I fear I will be unable to leave him.
This 24/7 D/s lifestyle is turning into more than theory or fantasy its turning into something that I see lasting for a long time.
If my mindset were *not* altered, would I then become, over time, disillusioned and unhappy in my role at slave?
My need to serve, to belong, to obey, enriches my life. I feel as if the fantasy of my dreams is becoming my reality.
I need his control. I have become dependent on it. What if he decides that after all is said and done...it’s not what he wanted?
What *is* the difference?
I am/was? An independent woman, needing no one. I have deep issues of abandonment. If I don’t need anyone they can’t hurt me when they leave. Bonding, attaching and getting close to someone can cause incredible and deep wounding mental pain.
I am very sexy and very fun, but have not been very loving. With both hands I have spent my life pushing away the very thing I crave. I will leave before I am left. I will not grovel beg or plead. I will pack up my things and go before the words ever come to your lips. I don’t need you…how is it then that I find myself here…needing you?
I can kneel at your feet begging silently for your touch and without a word walk out the front door.
On some basic level, we are meant to need others. To connect, engage, share… love. …beyond all subtext and agenda, looking past all the wreckage of our pasts and baggage… we all want …..No, *need* to know & be known…
If I have become dependent on my Master does that make me a sad pathetic creature? Or have I found a level of protection and love most other women can only dream of?
Have I come all this way to lose myself?
If he wanted me enough to claim me this completely would he then change my core, my essence? Will I still be me?
He tells me that I am loved, safe and cared for. I do feel all of those things all the time.
I need his control.
With complete dependence brings complete vulnerability
I feel myself becoming enslaved to such a degree that I fear I will be unable to leave him.
This 24/7 D/s lifestyle is turning into more than theory or fantasy its turning into something that I see lasting for a long time.
If my mindset were *not* altered, would I then become, over time, disillusioned and unhappy in my role at slave?
My need to serve, to belong, to obey, enriches my life. I feel as if the fantasy of my dreams is becoming my reality.
I need his control. I have become dependent on it. What if he decides that after all is said and done...it’s not what he wanted?
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Welcome Home Master
With a snap of your fingers I move quickly to your side as you grip my hair tightly before pushing me to my knees pulling back my head so that my throat is bared to you, submissive, vulnerable, and open. The pulse of my life throbs against the proof of your ownership, my collar.
With a smile you take a soft white rope and bind my wrists behind me. My back is streaked with the marks of your flogger, still warm to the touch and raised upon my skin from just this morning. I utter not a word but readily comply with your wordless demands.
Your hold is unrelenting and firm as you lean over to press your lips against my neck and I release my held breath in a shuttering moan as I feel the warmth of your exhale.
I notice the impossible hardness of your cock as it strains out from the fabric of your pants and my breath quickens. A deep growl resonates within your chest and your teeth sink in to the creamy whiteness of my neck. Blood seeps past your lips and over my shoulder. I feel faint and weak in my exhilaration.
As I enter a state of peace and well being you pull back and move my face to the ever growing desire of your cock and I kiss you there…softly, lovingly worshiping that undeniably wonderful male part of you.
You unzip your pants and move your cock past my welcoming lips to the inner warmth and wetness of my mouth. As I run my tongue over the tip, I taste you and I almost cum myself. Your thrusts grow more urgent and forceful and I relax my throat to allow for your complete pleasure. When you finally grant me the gift of your release, it’s thick and sweet on my tongue. I let it linger there as I breathe deeply once again, my body shivering in your pleasure.
As the hold on my hair softens I feel you pull my head to your thigh stroking me gently. I smile and curl myself obediently at your feet.
My eyes full of devotion I look up into yours and I whisper. “Hello, my Master. Welcome home.”
With a smile you take a soft white rope and bind my wrists behind me. My back is streaked with the marks of your flogger, still warm to the touch and raised upon my skin from just this morning. I utter not a word but readily comply with your wordless demands.
Your hold is unrelenting and firm as you lean over to press your lips against my neck and I release my held breath in a shuttering moan as I feel the warmth of your exhale.
I notice the impossible hardness of your cock as it strains out from the fabric of your pants and my breath quickens. A deep growl resonates within your chest and your teeth sink in to the creamy whiteness of my neck. Blood seeps past your lips and over my shoulder. I feel faint and weak in my exhilaration.
As I enter a state of peace and well being you pull back and move my face to the ever growing desire of your cock and I kiss you there…softly, lovingly worshiping that undeniably wonderful male part of you.
You unzip your pants and move your cock past my welcoming lips to the inner warmth and wetness of my mouth. As I run my tongue over the tip, I taste you and I almost cum myself. Your thrusts grow more urgent and forceful and I relax my throat to allow for your complete pleasure. When you finally grant me the gift of your release, it’s thick and sweet on my tongue. I let it linger there as I breathe deeply once again, my body shivering in your pleasure.
As the hold on my hair softens I feel you pull my head to your thigh stroking me gently. I smile and curl myself obediently at your feet.
My eyes full of devotion I look up into yours and I whisper. “Hello, my Master. Welcome home.”
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
41 Days Until I Meet my Master
October 7, 2009
I feel a great many things about that. Excitement for the future and the fear of the unknown and failure. Two years and two months now I have called this man my Master and yet he has not once touched my face or even kissed me. All has been done in words only. Spellbinding words that continue to jump from the page right to my heart.
Progressing to the use of voice chat in the last 6 months has been a monumental leap forward. So much is conveyed with a voice and then there is body language, the missing element. I will drink him in, his every movement, stance, the tilt of his head, the way he smiles or is disapproving all of those wordless ways people communicate. I think at first though I will allow myself to concentrate only on his voice. That voice that can and does charm me, hypnotize me, seduce me, command me, enrapture me, calm me.
I *am* ready. At least as ready as I will ever be. Some things just must be experienced real life. I can go over and over what it all may be like or what I hope it will be like but the truth will reveal itself in the everyday living of a 24/7 D/s relationship.
How will his ownership of me change? Because it certainly will although perhaps maybe expand more than change? Over the past 2 years we have blurred those lines and done some crossover of online and real life. It is all about to become very real life.
As for my fears….What if I fail? What if no matter how much I may want to, I cannot fill that desire in him for the perfect slave? What if I do not match his expectations for me as his slave? What if I am not pretty enough, obedient enough, devoted enough, smart enough to get and keep his interest?
On the other side of things…how would I feel if I let that fear stop me from ever finding out if I *could* do it?
I feel a great many things about that. Excitement for the future and the fear of the unknown and failure. Two years and two months now I have called this man my Master and yet he has not once touched my face or even kissed me. All has been done in words only. Spellbinding words that continue to jump from the page right to my heart.
Progressing to the use of voice chat in the last 6 months has been a monumental leap forward. So much is conveyed with a voice and then there is body language, the missing element. I will drink him in, his every movement, stance, the tilt of his head, the way he smiles or is disapproving all of those wordless ways people communicate. I think at first though I will allow myself to concentrate only on his voice. That voice that can and does charm me, hypnotize me, seduce me, command me, enrapture me, calm me.
I *am* ready. At least as ready as I will ever be. Some things just must be experienced real life. I can go over and over what it all may be like or what I hope it will be like but the truth will reveal itself in the everyday living of a 24/7 D/s relationship.
How will his ownership of me change? Because it certainly will although perhaps maybe expand more than change? Over the past 2 years we have blurred those lines and done some crossover of online and real life. It is all about to become very real life.
As for my fears….What if I fail? What if no matter how much I may want to, I cannot fill that desire in him for the perfect slave? What if I do not match his expectations for me as his slave? What if I am not pretty enough, obedient enough, devoted enough, smart enough to get and keep his interest?
On the other side of things…how would I feel if I let that fear stop me from ever finding out if I *could* do it?
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I Give My Master Control Of My Cutting
I cut because it hurts. I cut to block out the emotional pain. Physical pain is much easier to endure than emotional pain. It’s a release that I get nowhere else. I am not into illegal drugs nor do I drink myself numb. I function just like you. I go to work, just like you...do all of those other things just like you do. I just have a different way to cope with stress.
My weapon of choice is a razor blade. It’s small easy to hide and of course very very sharp. The whole process is very ritualized for me. I keep everything exceptionally clean and I use a fresh snow white cloth after.
I remove my shirt and bra so they are not stained. Lay my arm across a table or desk turning it so that my under arm is exposed. The skin there is soft and the area easier to hide. Under each arm there is about 5 inches of marks about 2 inches in length in various degrees of healing. I cut about once a week now. It varies on what’s going on in my life. Once a week is good, I have cut once a day in the past.
I am careful to not let my anxiety or emotions have me cutting to deep. A trip to the ER would be disastrous for me.
One of my nightmares is being locked up in a place with no escape and no one that hears my pleading or *does* hear it and does not care. Cutting is not something you can just lock someone up until it’s over type of thing. It’s not a withdrawal like a drug addict or a drunk would go through. And yet the adrenaline and sense of release that comes along with cutting is addictive in its own way.
I will find a way to cut so do not try to stop me.
Do I think I will ever stop? It causes me great anxiety to think so. This is not an easy thing to think about stopping and what will replace it?
I am not trying to kill myself by doing this. I just want to blur the emotional pain...stop it for just a time so I can catch my breath and continue. If I wanted to kill myself it would be done.
As I bring the blade to my skin I put it so one corner is pressed in for a downward stroke. At this point I am usually already crying and I think my breathing changes. Putting the full cutting edge of the blade down does not work for me. The cut does not go as smooth and I seem to have less control.
The cut is quick and I am instantly mesmerized and a bit outside myself as I watch my skin part cleanly. Time stops and it seems like an eternity until I see blood. (The reality I am sure is that it is mere seconds.) Suddenly my mental anguish becomes a thing that’s real, a physical reality. It’s not something just in my mind. Even the pain is physical, proof that I hurt in a very real tangible way. And it does hurt me. I do it because it hurts.
I press the white cloth that I have wetted with water before hand against the cuts and hold it there a moment, the water makes the cloth cool against my heated skin and I like the patterns the bright red blood makes as it soaks in, as if the towel also bleeds with me. My hands tremble and I spend considerable time watching the blood escape.
Afterwards I am generally quiet and tend to be able to think more clearly about things. For the next few days the pain will be constant as the cuts move against my clothing. When the pain starts to lessen the desire to cut again increases.
Now that I am in a D/s relationship I have given over to my Master the control of when I cut. This is an ongoing struggle for me as I have discussed in previous posts. But it feels to me that it is not possible to keep this to myself and then kneel before him and say I submit fully.
And he has me thinking something I have never considered before. Replacing it possibly totally or in part with flogging. I trust him enough to try.
My weapon of choice is a razor blade. It’s small easy to hide and of course very very sharp. The whole process is very ritualized for me. I keep everything exceptionally clean and I use a fresh snow white cloth after.
I remove my shirt and bra so they are not stained. Lay my arm across a table or desk turning it so that my under arm is exposed. The skin there is soft and the area easier to hide. Under each arm there is about 5 inches of marks about 2 inches in length in various degrees of healing. I cut about once a week now. It varies on what’s going on in my life. Once a week is good, I have cut once a day in the past.
I am careful to not let my anxiety or emotions have me cutting to deep. A trip to the ER would be disastrous for me.
One of my nightmares is being locked up in a place with no escape and no one that hears my pleading or *does* hear it and does not care. Cutting is not something you can just lock someone up until it’s over type of thing. It’s not a withdrawal like a drug addict or a drunk would go through. And yet the adrenaline and sense of release that comes along with cutting is addictive in its own way.
I will find a way to cut so do not try to stop me.
Do I think I will ever stop? It causes me great anxiety to think so. This is not an easy thing to think about stopping and what will replace it?
I am not trying to kill myself by doing this. I just want to blur the emotional pain...stop it for just a time so I can catch my breath and continue. If I wanted to kill myself it would be done.
As I bring the blade to my skin I put it so one corner is pressed in for a downward stroke. At this point I am usually already crying and I think my breathing changes. Putting the full cutting edge of the blade down does not work for me. The cut does not go as smooth and I seem to have less control.
The cut is quick and I am instantly mesmerized and a bit outside myself as I watch my skin part cleanly. Time stops and it seems like an eternity until I see blood. (The reality I am sure is that it is mere seconds.) Suddenly my mental anguish becomes a thing that’s real, a physical reality. It’s not something just in my mind. Even the pain is physical, proof that I hurt in a very real tangible way. And it does hurt me. I do it because it hurts.
I press the white cloth that I have wetted with water before hand against the cuts and hold it there a moment, the water makes the cloth cool against my heated skin and I like the patterns the bright red blood makes as it soaks in, as if the towel also bleeds with me. My hands tremble and I spend considerable time watching the blood escape.
Afterwards I am generally quiet and tend to be able to think more clearly about things. For the next few days the pain will be constant as the cuts move against my clothing. When the pain starts to lessen the desire to cut again increases.
Now that I am in a D/s relationship I have given over to my Master the control of when I cut. This is an ongoing struggle for me as I have discussed in previous posts. But it feels to me that it is not possible to keep this to myself and then kneel before him and say I submit fully.
And he has me thinking something I have never considered before. Replacing it possibly totally or in part with flogging. I trust him enough to try.
Monday, September 28, 2009
A BDSM Quote I Like
I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling. All that, I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.
Anais Nin
Anais Nin
Sunday, September 27, 2009
September 27, 2009 Good Night Master 10:30 pm
As I head to bed I kiss your boots, feeling the silver anklet move along my heel I just wanted to say this one more thing.
Given the time and the chance to do so I *will* mold myself to Your desires just as I have done here on line. It is my way, has always been my way. One of those things that most people have thought of as unusual or self destructive in the past, has found its home at last at your feet without manipulation or cruelty.
I love You, my Master
eirene
Given the time and the chance to do so I *will* mold myself to Your desires just as I have done here on line. It is my way, has always been my way. One of those things that most people have thought of as unusual or self destructive in the past, has found its home at last at your feet without manipulation or cruelty.
I love You, my Master
eirene
Saturday, September 26, 2009
The Meaning of Being Fully Owned...
The meaning of being fully owned…
Begins with slave rules. The reality is sinking in little by little. It was more emotional than I thought, receiving them. At first I did not even read them…just held them in my hands letting a sudden wave of surrender waft over me.
Symbolically I felt a leather collar slide around my neck with the end slipping through each notch as it was pulled tightly to my neck. One more link one more step to full submission. I am giving my Master control over all aspects of my life and my body.
I *am* scared. How does anyone ever make this decision quickly or casually? I almost forget to breathe!
These are my first slave rules…to be added to over time as my Master decides. As is his way...he reels me in slowly. Tugging on the leash just enough to let me know who is in control, as I release more and more to him.
This is my response to his slave rules for me. Which are listed below my responses with his permission.
I have always known that his domination of me would include sexual aspects. I *am* a sexual woman and something would be missing for me in my submission if that were not a part of it.
Part of this control means I cannot touch him in the ways a vanilla woman might. Not without permission anyway. It can be frustrating; however it has its upside. I can flirt and flirt and flirt outrageously. Side long glances, move my body just so...take a bit longer to bend over perhaps...look at him a couple seconds longer than necessary. Move my body softly up into his...subtle but powerful. Move my hand along his thigh...place a kiss to his shoulder...his chest. Smile a smile no human male could resist, to name just a few.
My cell phone has become somewhat of a pseudo leash. It’s a comfort to me that he has the power to call me anytime and expect me to answer no matter where I might be.
I do accept his punishments although I hate them. I hate knowing I have not been pleasing. It’s often worse than the punishment. I do tell and expose myself when I have done something I should not have. Mostly because I have this wicked guilt complex that will not rest until I do.
My trust is constantly pushed to its limits to make for new limits and further submission. Things that seem so simple a task turn out to be so much more. Intended or not by him, to be a test of trust. And this last time I just exhaled and let go... figuratively falling back into him not knowing whether or not he would catch me...actually not expecting him to, and yet there he was. Knowing what my limits once were he did not let me fall into the possibility of humiliation. Yet I fell because he asked me to. The wonderful surprise is that he *was* there …waiting …patient...expectant. My submission took two steps forward that night.
It’s terribly erotic knowing I keep my body shaved for my Master’s use. Enough said on that rule. *smiles*
It is a huge struggle still at times knowing I have given him the power over my cutting of myself. It’s such a deeply personal thing. And it makes me feel very helpless knowing I have given that to him. There have been a couple times I think I have requested it back. Times when I was afraid that he would use that power to hurt me emotionally. Maybe use it to control me. Maybe Keep it from me when I might beg and beg for it. Like a drug addict doing anything for that next fix. He has never done that, in fact the exact opposite has happened. He watches me and notices when I am highly stressed and needing that release.
I love the way my body feels when the flogger has been unforgiving. When the softness of the sheets or my blouse rub against the marks and cuts. It takes my mind back to him and his control of my pain and pleasure.
I accept completely that my Master has other relationships outside of ours. My respect is such that even though I can call him, I don’t/wont. It is not my place to assume he wishes to hear from me. He will let me know when he wants me. I don’t get jealous and I am unendingly patient. Weeping and wailing would not get me the attention I crave anyway. And that is not the relationship I want. He has a life and love outside of us. I love him enough to want that for him. I want whatever or whomever that is.
The last rule I consider his way of saying. “And remember I love you”
My slave rules:
1. I am a slave to my Master, and the primary function in my life is to serve, obey, and please him. He is a sexual man, and so my every interaction is to be tinged subtly or overtly with my sexuality, showing it off for him in my manner, my dress, and my words. My clothing, always of good taste, will be chosen to be pleasing to his eye, whether in a professional, casual, vanilla, or lifestyle environment.
2. I worship my Master and my Master’s body, and whenever I touch or kiss his body will do so in a way to let him feel the depth of that worship. I will reinforce my sense of worship by kissing his boots each night before I go to bed and saying goodnight to him aloud whether he is there or not. I worship my Master’s cock, and I will treat it with reverence, never touching it or his balls unless he has given me explicit permission.
3. My Master protects me and keeps me safe, in ways that are not even always known to me. I will always have my phone with me and will always respond if he calls me, for he respects the other parts of my life and if his call intrudes on one of those other parts it is because it is important for him to speak with me. If I am at work and unable to answer, I will return his call immediately when I am able.
4. I will accept all discipline and punishments my Master may impose without complaint. His punishment of me is a sign of how deeply he cares for me and for my status as his slave. I will confess every transgression to him, because I know that if he discovers that I have attempted to keep a transgression hidden from him, it will cause him deep and profound disappointment in me as his slave that will be far worse than any punishment he may impose.
5. I am always in submission to my Master, whether he is present or not, ready to please him at any time, in any place, under any circumstances, regardless of who may be present. It is he who judges how to keep me safe, protect my reputation and his, and I trust his judgment.
6. I shall never remove the anklet that I wear, except for the most brief and minor of instances, for it is a symbol of his true ownership of me.
7. I will take as much pride in myself and my body as my Master does, and my bearing and manner will reflect the same confidence in myself that my Master has in me. I will keep my body healthy and fresh and pleasing, for he owns my body and its appearance is a testament to the honor I that I show him.
8. I will keep my pussy shaved for my Master, and when I shave it for him I will remind myself that I keep it shaved not for my own pleasure or comfort but because he owns it and wishes nothing, not even the hair of my body, to keep it hidden from him.
9. I give my Master control over my cutting, and I trust that he understands the true scope of this gift of control to him. I will keep a razor blade close to me that is my Master’s blade, to be used by me as his blade only if the need is overwhelming. If I need to use it without him, I will do so without shame, but will tell him that I have used it at the first opportunity by moving my rose. I will never cut myself with any blade that has not been identified as his blade.
10. I give my Master control over my sexuality, and will accept whatever restrictions he places on me to have sex with others or to pleasure myself. Whether my body is to feel satisfied or aroused, no matter how intense or deep the hunger is his decision and his alone. I will not have sex with any man, orally or vaginally, before I meet him.
11. All my choices shall be based on whether or not they will please my Master.
12. When my Master speaks, even if I am speaking, I will fall immediately silent so that I am able to listen to his every word.
13. I worship my Master’s whip, flogger, and knife. I wear his marks on my body with pride and will gladly suffer his use of those instruments for I know that he will not use them ever to cause any permanent damage to my body, but instead to share the deepest parts of ourselves with each other.
14. I accept that my Master’s relationship with me is one of multiple relationships that he has, and I will always respect those other relationships with as much conviction as each of us respects our relationship together, taking no action to cause conflict within them.
15. I have no limits with my Master, and I trust him to explore them and to take me past them only when he thinks both that it is important and that I am ready.
16. My Master is always with me. No one has the power to cause within me any real fear, anxiety, or distress. If someone does cause such feelings within me, they will be fleeting, for I need only feel his anklet around my ankle, his collar around my neck, or his marks on my body to know that I am his cherished slave and that life is peaceful and content so long as he and he alone is pleased with me.
Begins with slave rules. The reality is sinking in little by little. It was more emotional than I thought, receiving them. At first I did not even read them…just held them in my hands letting a sudden wave of surrender waft over me.
Symbolically I felt a leather collar slide around my neck with the end slipping through each notch as it was pulled tightly to my neck. One more link one more step to full submission. I am giving my Master control over all aspects of my life and my body.
I *am* scared. How does anyone ever make this decision quickly or casually? I almost forget to breathe!
These are my first slave rules…to be added to over time as my Master decides. As is his way...he reels me in slowly. Tugging on the leash just enough to let me know who is in control, as I release more and more to him.
This is my response to his slave rules for me. Which are listed below my responses with his permission.
I have always known that his domination of me would include sexual aspects. I *am* a sexual woman and something would be missing for me in my submission if that were not a part of it.
Part of this control means I cannot touch him in the ways a vanilla woman might. Not without permission anyway. It can be frustrating; however it has its upside. I can flirt and flirt and flirt outrageously. Side long glances, move my body just so...take a bit longer to bend over perhaps...look at him a couple seconds longer than necessary. Move my body softly up into his...subtle but powerful. Move my hand along his thigh...place a kiss to his shoulder...his chest. Smile a smile no human male could resist, to name just a few.
My cell phone has become somewhat of a pseudo leash. It’s a comfort to me that he has the power to call me anytime and expect me to answer no matter where I might be.
I do accept his punishments although I hate them. I hate knowing I have not been pleasing. It’s often worse than the punishment. I do tell and expose myself when I have done something I should not have. Mostly because I have this wicked guilt complex that will not rest until I do.
My trust is constantly pushed to its limits to make for new limits and further submission. Things that seem so simple a task turn out to be so much more. Intended or not by him, to be a test of trust. And this last time I just exhaled and let go... figuratively falling back into him not knowing whether or not he would catch me...actually not expecting him to, and yet there he was. Knowing what my limits once were he did not let me fall into the possibility of humiliation. Yet I fell because he asked me to. The wonderful surprise is that he *was* there …waiting …patient...expectant. My submission took two steps forward that night.
It’s terribly erotic knowing I keep my body shaved for my Master’s use. Enough said on that rule. *smiles*
It is a huge struggle still at times knowing I have given him the power over my cutting of myself. It’s such a deeply personal thing. And it makes me feel very helpless knowing I have given that to him. There have been a couple times I think I have requested it back. Times when I was afraid that he would use that power to hurt me emotionally. Maybe use it to control me. Maybe Keep it from me when I might beg and beg for it. Like a drug addict doing anything for that next fix. He has never done that, in fact the exact opposite has happened. He watches me and notices when I am highly stressed and needing that release.
I love the way my body feels when the flogger has been unforgiving. When the softness of the sheets or my blouse rub against the marks and cuts. It takes my mind back to him and his control of my pain and pleasure.
I accept completely that my Master has other relationships outside of ours. My respect is such that even though I can call him, I don’t/wont. It is not my place to assume he wishes to hear from me. He will let me know when he wants me. I don’t get jealous and I am unendingly patient. Weeping and wailing would not get me the attention I crave anyway. And that is not the relationship I want. He has a life and love outside of us. I love him enough to want that for him. I want whatever or whomever that is.
The last rule I consider his way of saying. “And remember I love you”
My slave rules:
1. I am a slave to my Master, and the primary function in my life is to serve, obey, and please him. He is a sexual man, and so my every interaction is to be tinged subtly or overtly with my sexuality, showing it off for him in my manner, my dress, and my words. My clothing, always of good taste, will be chosen to be pleasing to his eye, whether in a professional, casual, vanilla, or lifestyle environment.
2. I worship my Master and my Master’s body, and whenever I touch or kiss his body will do so in a way to let him feel the depth of that worship. I will reinforce my sense of worship by kissing his boots each night before I go to bed and saying goodnight to him aloud whether he is there or not. I worship my Master’s cock, and I will treat it with reverence, never touching it or his balls unless he has given me explicit permission.
3. My Master protects me and keeps me safe, in ways that are not even always known to me. I will always have my phone with me and will always respond if he calls me, for he respects the other parts of my life and if his call intrudes on one of those other parts it is because it is important for him to speak with me. If I am at work and unable to answer, I will return his call immediately when I am able.
4. I will accept all discipline and punishments my Master may impose without complaint. His punishment of me is a sign of how deeply he cares for me and for my status as his slave. I will confess every transgression to him, because I know that if he discovers that I have attempted to keep a transgression hidden from him, it will cause him deep and profound disappointment in me as his slave that will be far worse than any punishment he may impose.
5. I am always in submission to my Master, whether he is present or not, ready to please him at any time, in any place, under any circumstances, regardless of who may be present. It is he who judges how to keep me safe, protect my reputation and his, and I trust his judgment.
6. I shall never remove the anklet that I wear, except for the most brief and minor of instances, for it is a symbol of his true ownership of me.
7. I will take as much pride in myself and my body as my Master does, and my bearing and manner will reflect the same confidence in myself that my Master has in me. I will keep my body healthy and fresh and pleasing, for he owns my body and its appearance is a testament to the honor I that I show him.
8. I will keep my pussy shaved for my Master, and when I shave it for him I will remind myself that I keep it shaved not for my own pleasure or comfort but because he owns it and wishes nothing, not even the hair of my body, to keep it hidden from him.
9. I give my Master control over my cutting, and I trust that he understands the true scope of this gift of control to him. I will keep a razor blade close to me that is my Master’s blade, to be used by me as his blade only if the need is overwhelming. If I need to use it without him, I will do so without shame, but will tell him that I have used it at the first opportunity by moving my rose. I will never cut myself with any blade that has not been identified as his blade.
10. I give my Master control over my sexuality, and will accept whatever restrictions he places on me to have sex with others or to pleasure myself. Whether my body is to feel satisfied or aroused, no matter how intense or deep the hunger is his decision and his alone. I will not have sex with any man, orally or vaginally, before I meet him.
11. All my choices shall be based on whether or not they will please my Master.
12. When my Master speaks, even if I am speaking, I will fall immediately silent so that I am able to listen to his every word.
13. I worship my Master’s whip, flogger, and knife. I wear his marks on my body with pride and will gladly suffer his use of those instruments for I know that he will not use them ever to cause any permanent damage to my body, but instead to share the deepest parts of ourselves with each other.
14. I accept that my Master’s relationship with me is one of multiple relationships that he has, and I will always respect those other relationships with as much conviction as each of us respects our relationship together, taking no action to cause conflict within them.
15. I have no limits with my Master, and I trust him to explore them and to take me past them only when he thinks both that it is important and that I am ready.
16. My Master is always with me. No one has the power to cause within me any real fear, anxiety, or distress. If someone does cause such feelings within me, they will be fleeting, for I need only feel his anklet around my ankle, his collar around my neck, or his marks on my body to know that I am his cherished slave and that life is peaceful and content so long as he and he alone is pleased with me.
Friday, September 25, 2009
What I Love About Being A Woman And A Slave
There are so many reasons just where to begin. I think at the core I love that feeling of being cherished. Something that my Master owns that he very much enjoys and avails himself of on a pretty regular basis.
I have a deep seated need to relinquish control.
The butterflies I feel in my stomach when my Master’s eyes take on that sultry smoky tone.
Being kissed by someone that knows how.
I am free to be the sensual and sexy woman I am. All those things that some may think are extreme indulgences for a woman suddenly becomes mouthwatering examples of the care I take to be unending physically pleasing. Perhaps like a soft massage that relaxes me taking away any stress I might have had. Manicures, pedicures and hair appointments. Whatever makes me feel more sensual is more than just a scrumptious appeasement it actually boarders on requirement.
Taking a nap in the middle of the day as my Master whispers in my ear all the ways I am submissive and pleasing to him. I drift in and out of sleep as his words go straight to my subconscious, there to take up permanent residence.
His complete acceptance of who I am.
Pleasing him.
Sitting at his feet quietly while he works.
Watching his eyes roll back in his head as he cums in my mouth, his hand gripping my hair roughly.
How I can still feel the memory of him within my body throughout my day.
The taste of him on my tongue.
When he kisses me hard and demanding.
When he fucks me hard because he can.
The pleasure I get just breathing in the smell of him.
How he holds me.
His laughter .
How growly his voice gets when he wants to use me.
The soft way he snores.
The warmth and hardness of his body pressed against mine as he sleeps.
How he keeps me focused … I tend to get caught up in details of things.
How unflappable he is.
His depth of compassion.
How he protects me.
Being used for his pleasure.
The way I feel when he calls me back to bed because his body is hungry.
The way I feel when he presses me to my knees before him.
How he…
Whips me,
Cuts me,
Binds me,
Fucks me,
Owns me,
I have never in my whole life felt more loved than I do right now as a true slave to one man. There is not one part of my life that it does not affect. I smile more...walk with the confidence of a woman that is treasured for all the gifts she gives. I beg fucking more as my state of arousal is constant.
I *am* a very content slave. I am right where I wish to be. Don’t pity my perceived imprisonment; I have no need of it. Instead envy my complete and total surrender into a loving Dominant submissive relationship. Where no needs of mine are unmet. Can you say the same?
I have a deep seated need to relinquish control.
The butterflies I feel in my stomach when my Master’s eyes take on that sultry smoky tone.
Being kissed by someone that knows how.
I am free to be the sensual and sexy woman I am. All those things that some may think are extreme indulgences for a woman suddenly becomes mouthwatering examples of the care I take to be unending physically pleasing. Perhaps like a soft massage that relaxes me taking away any stress I might have had. Manicures, pedicures and hair appointments. Whatever makes me feel more sensual is more than just a scrumptious appeasement it actually boarders on requirement.
Taking a nap in the middle of the day as my Master whispers in my ear all the ways I am submissive and pleasing to him. I drift in and out of sleep as his words go straight to my subconscious, there to take up permanent residence.
His complete acceptance of who I am.
Pleasing him.
Sitting at his feet quietly while he works.
Watching his eyes roll back in his head as he cums in my mouth, his hand gripping my hair roughly.
How I can still feel the memory of him within my body throughout my day.
The taste of him on my tongue.
When he kisses me hard and demanding.
When he fucks me hard because he can.
The pleasure I get just breathing in the smell of him.
How he holds me.
His laughter .
How growly his voice gets when he wants to use me.
The soft way he snores.
The warmth and hardness of his body pressed against mine as he sleeps.
How he keeps me focused … I tend to get caught up in details of things.
How unflappable he is.
His depth of compassion.
How he protects me.
Being used for his pleasure.
The way I feel when he calls me back to bed because his body is hungry.
The way I feel when he presses me to my knees before him.
How he…
Whips me,
Cuts me,
Binds me,
Fucks me,
Owns me,
I have never in my whole life felt more loved than I do right now as a true slave to one man. There is not one part of my life that it does not affect. I smile more...walk with the confidence of a woman that is treasured for all the gifts she gives. I beg fucking more as my state of arousal is constant.
I *am* a very content slave. I am right where I wish to be. Don’t pity my perceived imprisonment; I have no need of it. Instead envy my complete and total surrender into a loving Dominant submissive relationship. Where no needs of mine are unmet. Can you say the same?
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Unwavering Loyalty And Obedience
Unwavering loyalty and obedience to him in all things. Wonderful words but what do they mean in application?
1. That he need never wonder if I am unfaithful. No one else touches my body (he owns) without his permission.
2. Knowing that every word and action of mine reflects on him as my Master and his ownership of me.
3. That I keep his rules firmly in the forefront of my mind. They have a purpose he imposed. Be that, to keep me safe or to reinforce my submission to him on a continual basis.
4. That private things stay private. He need never worry that I discuss things with others that we talk about in private.
5. That I will accept any and all punishments that he decrees.
6. When I am allowed to accompany him that I am ever vigilant of his needs and my compliance. I will keep opinions to myself unless asked for them especially in the vanilla world where his control remains but is in a more subtle form of looks and wordless commands.
7. Even when we are in a group setting and I have been given permission to wander about with others in the room that I remain constantly aware he may summon me with just a word or gesture. So I keep my eyes and ears open watching so that I always know where he is in the room.
8. I make a conscious effort to stay in tune with his interests
9. I will always do everything in my power to make sure all of his needs wants and desires are satisfied. If my Master is smiling and satisfied then my day is complete.
10. I never question a command for that would give the appearance that I place my will over his.
11. He is always my primary focus
12. I trust him to make the best decisions in regards to me and our continued D/s relationship.
13. I trust him to always be clear about his expectations so that I am not left feeling like I don’t know what to do or how to react in any given situation.
My submission has changed so much since I began, that I can say with all frankness; I am no longer that woman.
The woman who was unsure where she belonged or in what type of life.
The woman who had this craving and a need to please with no knowledge of just how that could be accomplished.
I came to my Master wounded and with a soul so well protected I thought no one could get past my defenses. But he approached me from another angle one I was not expecting. His never ending patience in this area was/is confusing to me but it sparkles with the brilliance of a true Master.
He knows me well...how did that happen?
This being said under no circumstances think my Master is not demanding. Because he certainly is, and I love it. He has rules and expectations that have no room for contention or question. It is the way of a true Master. That continuous quest for more and more control. And the more demanding he is the more submissive to him I become.
The trail to find him has not been an easy one. I am a submissive and the possibilities for exploitation and mental anguish are huge. I have in the distant past, allowed myself to be put in situations that were unsafe and where I experienced true and deep lasting mental cruelty and physical pain.
I have been in relationships that have left my soul shattered like ice crushed under a man’s boot on a cold winter’s day only to feel myself melt away with the sun as if I had never even existed.
My life has images of rape in the past, inescapable nightmares, cutting. There is nothing in my life that at one point or another has not been taken from me, even my sense of self. I have imagined and even planned my death. The ultimate escape.
I am a complex slave, not so easy to understand. Trust comes slow and the path to my heart has many blocked passages but *this* man...my Master…instead of plowing through in a rush to get to the center. Instead entered with confidence and with each step proved over and over to me by example not just pretty words that I could trust him with all the darkness.
I have often wondered why he takes the time and commitment that I know I require. There are most assuredly slaves that are easier to get to submit.
I cannot answer for him I can only say what I hope is part of the reason… That he knows without a doubt I have a true slave heart. That underneath my appearance of strength and sometimes coolness is a woman wishing only to give herself in complete devotion to the man who owns her collar.
That he senses that beneath that tough girl exterior lies the velvet folds of a tender rose...smelling sweet and soft to the touch yet with layers upon layers of petals all wondrous and perfect in their own right. Each one different yet the same and when they have all been stripped away to the center it is then and only then that I will truly be his the way I was always meant to be his.
Among the soft fragrance of the rose petals of my heart he will then possess me in all the ways a slave should be possessed by her Master.
I have found my place and it is at the feet of a man I am honored to call my Master.
1. That he need never wonder if I am unfaithful. No one else touches my body (he owns) without his permission.
2. Knowing that every word and action of mine reflects on him as my Master and his ownership of me.
3. That I keep his rules firmly in the forefront of my mind. They have a purpose he imposed. Be that, to keep me safe or to reinforce my submission to him on a continual basis.
4. That private things stay private. He need never worry that I discuss things with others that we talk about in private.
5. That I will accept any and all punishments that he decrees.
6. When I am allowed to accompany him that I am ever vigilant of his needs and my compliance. I will keep opinions to myself unless asked for them especially in the vanilla world where his control remains but is in a more subtle form of looks and wordless commands.
7. Even when we are in a group setting and I have been given permission to wander about with others in the room that I remain constantly aware he may summon me with just a word or gesture. So I keep my eyes and ears open watching so that I always know where he is in the room.
8. I make a conscious effort to stay in tune with his interests
9. I will always do everything in my power to make sure all of his needs wants and desires are satisfied. If my Master is smiling and satisfied then my day is complete.
10. I never question a command for that would give the appearance that I place my will over his.
11. He is always my primary focus
12. I trust him to make the best decisions in regards to me and our continued D/s relationship.
13. I trust him to always be clear about his expectations so that I am not left feeling like I don’t know what to do or how to react in any given situation.
My submission has changed so much since I began, that I can say with all frankness; I am no longer that woman.
The woman who was unsure where she belonged or in what type of life.
The woman who had this craving and a need to please with no knowledge of just how that could be accomplished.
I came to my Master wounded and with a soul so well protected I thought no one could get past my defenses. But he approached me from another angle one I was not expecting. His never ending patience in this area was/is confusing to me but it sparkles with the brilliance of a true Master.
He knows me well...how did that happen?
This being said under no circumstances think my Master is not demanding. Because he certainly is, and I love it. He has rules and expectations that have no room for contention or question. It is the way of a true Master. That continuous quest for more and more control. And the more demanding he is the more submissive to him I become.
The trail to find him has not been an easy one. I am a submissive and the possibilities for exploitation and mental anguish are huge. I have in the distant past, allowed myself to be put in situations that were unsafe and where I experienced true and deep lasting mental cruelty and physical pain.
I have been in relationships that have left my soul shattered like ice crushed under a man’s boot on a cold winter’s day only to feel myself melt away with the sun as if I had never even existed.
My life has images of rape in the past, inescapable nightmares, cutting. There is nothing in my life that at one point or another has not been taken from me, even my sense of self. I have imagined and even planned my death. The ultimate escape.
I am a complex slave, not so easy to understand. Trust comes slow and the path to my heart has many blocked passages but *this* man...my Master…instead of plowing through in a rush to get to the center. Instead entered with confidence and with each step proved over and over to me by example not just pretty words that I could trust him with all the darkness.
I have often wondered why he takes the time and commitment that I know I require. There are most assuredly slaves that are easier to get to submit.
I cannot answer for him I can only say what I hope is part of the reason… That he knows without a doubt I have a true slave heart. That underneath my appearance of strength and sometimes coolness is a woman wishing only to give herself in complete devotion to the man who owns her collar.
That he senses that beneath that tough girl exterior lies the velvet folds of a tender rose...smelling sweet and soft to the touch yet with layers upon layers of petals all wondrous and perfect in their own right. Each one different yet the same and when they have all been stripped away to the center it is then and only then that I will truly be his the way I was always meant to be his.
Among the soft fragrance of the rose petals of my heart he will then possess me in all the ways a slave should be possessed by her Master.
I have found my place and it is at the feet of a man I am honored to call my Master.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The Dance
And so we danced. That oh so delicate dance of Master and slave. The steps were new to me but he led and I fluidly anticipated his moves, his hand firmly around my waist guiding me in the direction he wished. I remained breathless beneath his domination, intoxicated by his control of me.
There were times he would twirl me under his arm, safe and protected and others where he would swing me out away from him letting the leash dangle. It was at those moments I was the most afraid. When I felt as if I was beyond his reach. It was in this way that he beckoned me over and over to mentally submit to him again and again.
My long history of nightmares refreshed themselves with a vengeance. Why? Perhaps because as my sense of vulnerability and submission increased so too did my fears.
Am I giving my Master the power to destroy me, emotionally? And do I trust him enough not to?
This reoccurring nightmare has been one of the worst over these last two years and the dark symbolism is not lost on me…..
My darkest dreams would sweep in with the ferocity of a summer storm. Winds twisting and turning, angry, while I stood in the doorway not sure if I should go out or stay. Outside the thunder crashed shaking the ground like the earth itself were threatening to crack down the center.
I screamed, cried and sunk down within the door frame with my knees up in my chest and my arms wrapped around them. “Master, I am so afraid, please come for me”.
His voice penetrated the roar of the wind and rain without effort. It was firm and strong, serious and full of compassion “Eirene, I am here, you need only reach out your hand to me so that I can grasp it.”
With tearful longing I looked at him standing there, but the deep crevasse in the earth between us looked deep, endless and not crossable. “Master I can’t, do you not see the dark gaping cavern that separates us? Please Master will you not come for me?”
His hand remained extended even as he shook his head no. “My slave, at some point you must relinquish your fear and trust me. I will *not* let you fall. The space you see between us… it’s an illusion, a leap of faith, and you must come to me I cannot come to you.”
I sobbed frozen in my fear and unable to move “I am lost then, never to escape the elements of my nightmare.”
Then I would awaken to the masculine smell of him pressed up against me his arms tight around me one hand in my hair as he nuzzled my neck. “Shhhh, my girl. You are safe, all is well. My collar remains secure around your neck. Let it always remind you that you are well protected and very owned” Possessively his hands would move over and down my body urging my legs apart as he slipped between them. His way of connecting us and comforting me.
And so in the dance he once again pulls me back under his arm firmly so that I have no doubts where I belong. And little by little I feel the walls crumble around my heart and I submit my will again.
This dance is a continuous and long one as my Master embraces all that I am. Not just all the good happy things but the dark things as well. Over the weeks and months to come I would continue and still continue to submit and turn over to my Master all aspects of myself. And he continues to accept me on every level. And as he does that my love and devotion to him grow.
There were times he would twirl me under his arm, safe and protected and others where he would swing me out away from him letting the leash dangle. It was at those moments I was the most afraid. When I felt as if I was beyond his reach. It was in this way that he beckoned me over and over to mentally submit to him again and again.
My long history of nightmares refreshed themselves with a vengeance. Why? Perhaps because as my sense of vulnerability and submission increased so too did my fears.
Am I giving my Master the power to destroy me, emotionally? And do I trust him enough not to?
This reoccurring nightmare has been one of the worst over these last two years and the dark symbolism is not lost on me…..
My darkest dreams would sweep in with the ferocity of a summer storm. Winds twisting and turning, angry, while I stood in the doorway not sure if I should go out or stay. Outside the thunder crashed shaking the ground like the earth itself were threatening to crack down the center.
I screamed, cried and sunk down within the door frame with my knees up in my chest and my arms wrapped around them. “Master, I am so afraid, please come for me”.
His voice penetrated the roar of the wind and rain without effort. It was firm and strong, serious and full of compassion “Eirene, I am here, you need only reach out your hand to me so that I can grasp it.”
With tearful longing I looked at him standing there, but the deep crevasse in the earth between us looked deep, endless and not crossable. “Master I can’t, do you not see the dark gaping cavern that separates us? Please Master will you not come for me?”
His hand remained extended even as he shook his head no. “My slave, at some point you must relinquish your fear and trust me. I will *not* let you fall. The space you see between us… it’s an illusion, a leap of faith, and you must come to me I cannot come to you.”
I sobbed frozen in my fear and unable to move “I am lost then, never to escape the elements of my nightmare.”
Then I would awaken to the masculine smell of him pressed up against me his arms tight around me one hand in my hair as he nuzzled my neck. “Shhhh, my girl. You are safe, all is well. My collar remains secure around your neck. Let it always remind you that you are well protected and very owned” Possessively his hands would move over and down my body urging my legs apart as he slipped between them. His way of connecting us and comforting me.
And so in the dance he once again pulls me back under his arm firmly so that I have no doubts where I belong. And little by little I feel the walls crumble around my heart and I submit my will again.
This dance is a continuous and long one as my Master embraces all that I am. Not just all the good happy things but the dark things as well. Over the weeks and months to come I would continue and still continue to submit and turn over to my Master all aspects of myself. And he continues to accept me on every level. And as he does that my love and devotion to him grow.
Monday, September 21, 2009
What Makes a Slave - my thoughts
The next few months after that were spent in a myriad of ways as we learned each other. There are so many dimensions to a D/s relationship. But most of all I just wanted to know and learn what pleased Him in every detail.
Submission and trust cannot be rushed. There is no fast track to get there. It takes as long as it takes. There are always issues to overcome and many of us do not come this far in life without that baggage. And I had no idea when I started this journey that I would come face to face with every demon and monster in my closet. For some reason, and innocently enough, I had assumed that in my slavery I could hide those parts of me that even I did not want to look at. It was all about my Master, after all. His needs, His desires, His pleasures. Finally a true escape for me, I need think of nothing else but pleasing him.
My obedience has roots in the multifaceted and deep-seated feelings and emotions I have for my Master: devotion, love, respect, desire, longing, lust, admiration to name a few. It also has roots inside me, in my deeply held needs to serve, please, endure, and surrender.
Obedience resonates with me. I would do anything Master asks of me, without hesitation, and that feels completely and totally right to me.
If I have done something I know I should not I have to tell Him right away. I always take punishments to heart. It’s devastating when He is disappointed with me. And even though I try to be the perfect slave the reality remains that at times I do slip and do something without thinking or I become to comfortable.
And so I watch and listen... keeping mental and written notes trying to mold myself to Him. Every time He says I love it when you....... it pleases me that........I very much enjoy.......
I want to bring a smile to His face every time I do not have to be reminded of something.
First and foremost...I needed to remind myself...relax and don't forget to breathe...he likes me already...that’s why I’m here.
Master can be very romantic and tender and at other times lusty and needy of a hard romp, taking me quickly and hard... (God I love that!)
I have a special section in my closet where I keep all of His favorite outfits or colors to see me in. Every time He is wowed by what I wear I stick that outfit in there...or sometimes He even says...”that goes in Master's favorites”
Speaking of clothes...high heels and...Master likes anything that exposes the underneath of my breasts...like a short little crop top that leaves that area exposed....He also likes short shorts...the ones that show part of my ass. Short skirts with at times, no panties….. Also leather, latex, lace, lingerie and low cut anything.
I never touch His cock without permission, even if we are already in bed I wait for his direction. He will either put my hand there or tell me to touch Him.
Master loves, loves, loves His boots kissed and licked.
He likes it when I show subtle signs of my devotion in public as well as private...so small things like...putting my hand on His thigh or the back of His leg while He speaks to others and I am sitting at his feet ...for example.
I am not allowed in Master's Quarters without permission...ever. He however has access to mine...at His whim. I have at times walked in and found Him sitting there waiting for me.
When I enter a room and He is there I walk straight to Him to greet Him. No one else in the room matters. I approach and stand to His right and just a half a step behind Him. Until He acknowledges me I say nothing to anyone. When I am leaving before him He is the last one I say goodbye to. No other words are said by me once I have said my farewells to my Master. I just go.
Master sees all and forgets nothing.
I listen for what kinds of things He is interested in and I read up on those things
Part of my role as His slave is to be able to interest Him and entertain Him ... in all ways.
When I see Him I take a quick assessment of His mood. Is He smiling? What is His body posture? How does He say hello to me? What is the tone of His voice?
Is there a certain kind of Role Play that He likes...I study it if don’t know anything about it.
Too many slaves confuse submissiveness with passiveness. I don't want to be overly passive ... I want to be active, original ... always thinking of ways to please Him.
I want to know His body and its reactions so well that I could teach another girl how to please Him and send His senses reeling.
I weave within Him the essence of my devotion. It has become as much a part of me as my flesh and my spirit. He need only think a thing and it shall be done if it is within my power to make it so. If His mood requires the obedient quiet slave, than I will be that woman. If His mood requires an outlet for harshness, than I will be the woman who begs His whip. If His mood requires the sensual touch of a pleasure slave, I am also that woman. If He commands it of me it shall be done. No,... will not pass these lips that kiss Him with the heat of passion, it is not henceforth a part of my vocabulary. He can take what He wants when He wants, so why is this so important? Because I give it up freely with all my heart. I lay all I am at his feet to do with as he wishes when He wishes. It is not this collar I wear that keeps me.
That is what I think the ideal slave is ... shifting with her Master, becoming what He needs ... so that she is always what He needs. If one perhaps did not have that spectacular body or youthful countenance...The other things would still make her an exceptional slave wanted by many. Those other things are nice...but not what makes a slave a slave
Submission and trust cannot be rushed. There is no fast track to get there. It takes as long as it takes. There are always issues to overcome and many of us do not come this far in life without that baggage. And I had no idea when I started this journey that I would come face to face with every demon and monster in my closet. For some reason, and innocently enough, I had assumed that in my slavery I could hide those parts of me that even I did not want to look at. It was all about my Master, after all. His needs, His desires, His pleasures. Finally a true escape for me, I need think of nothing else but pleasing him.
My obedience has roots in the multifaceted and deep-seated feelings and emotions I have for my Master: devotion, love, respect, desire, longing, lust, admiration to name a few. It also has roots inside me, in my deeply held needs to serve, please, endure, and surrender.
Obedience resonates with me. I would do anything Master asks of me, without hesitation, and that feels completely and totally right to me.
If I have done something I know I should not I have to tell Him right away. I always take punishments to heart. It’s devastating when He is disappointed with me. And even though I try to be the perfect slave the reality remains that at times I do slip and do something without thinking or I become to comfortable.
And so I watch and listen... keeping mental and written notes trying to mold myself to Him. Every time He says I love it when you....... it pleases me that........I very much enjoy.......
I want to bring a smile to His face every time I do not have to be reminded of something.
First and foremost...I needed to remind myself...relax and don't forget to breathe...he likes me already...that’s why I’m here.
Master can be very romantic and tender and at other times lusty and needy of a hard romp, taking me quickly and hard... (God I love that!)
I have a special section in my closet where I keep all of His favorite outfits or colors to see me in. Every time He is wowed by what I wear I stick that outfit in there...or sometimes He even says...”that goes in Master's favorites”
Speaking of clothes...high heels and...Master likes anything that exposes the underneath of my breasts...like a short little crop top that leaves that area exposed....He also likes short shorts...the ones that show part of my ass. Short skirts with at times, no panties….. Also leather, latex, lace, lingerie and low cut anything.
I never touch His cock without permission, even if we are already in bed I wait for his direction. He will either put my hand there or tell me to touch Him.
Master loves, loves, loves His boots kissed and licked.
He likes it when I show subtle signs of my devotion in public as well as private...so small things like...putting my hand on His thigh or the back of His leg while He speaks to others and I am sitting at his feet ...for example.
I am not allowed in Master's Quarters without permission...ever. He however has access to mine...at His whim. I have at times walked in and found Him sitting there waiting for me.
When I enter a room and He is there I walk straight to Him to greet Him. No one else in the room matters. I approach and stand to His right and just a half a step behind Him. Until He acknowledges me I say nothing to anyone. When I am leaving before him He is the last one I say goodbye to. No other words are said by me once I have said my farewells to my Master. I just go.
Master sees all and forgets nothing.
I listen for what kinds of things He is interested in and I read up on those things
Part of my role as His slave is to be able to interest Him and entertain Him ... in all ways.
When I see Him I take a quick assessment of His mood. Is He smiling? What is His body posture? How does He say hello to me? What is the tone of His voice?
Is there a certain kind of Role Play that He likes...I study it if don’t know anything about it.
Too many slaves confuse submissiveness with passiveness. I don't want to be overly passive ... I want to be active, original ... always thinking of ways to please Him.
I want to know His body and its reactions so well that I could teach another girl how to please Him and send His senses reeling.
I weave within Him the essence of my devotion. It has become as much a part of me as my flesh and my spirit. He need only think a thing and it shall be done if it is within my power to make it so. If His mood requires the obedient quiet slave, than I will be that woman. If His mood requires an outlet for harshness, than I will be the woman who begs His whip. If His mood requires the sensual touch of a pleasure slave, I am also that woman. If He commands it of me it shall be done. No,... will not pass these lips that kiss Him with the heat of passion, it is not henceforth a part of my vocabulary. He can take what He wants when He wants, so why is this so important? Because I give it up freely with all my heart. I lay all I am at his feet to do with as he wishes when He wishes. It is not this collar I wear that keeps me.
That is what I think the ideal slave is ... shifting with her Master, becoming what He needs ... so that she is always what He needs. If one perhaps did not have that spectacular body or youthful countenance...The other things would still make her an exceptional slave wanted by many. Those other things are nice...but not what makes a slave a slave
Sunday, September 20, 2009
My Collaring
I had no idea that during his trip he had his own doubts as to whether I would be his upon his return home. That during that separation I would have found another Master. After all we had only known each other a few weeks before he left. His happiness radiated from him, as he accepted my submission.
The day that he formally collared me was a joyous one. Master planned everything down to the smallest detail without revealing anything to me in advance. He blindfolded me and took me to a lush green park where I felt as if I had stepped into a fantasy world of beauty. Cliffs surrounded us on three sides as we stood beside a quiet pool surrounded by flowers, birds and one very sweet frog was also in attendance.
The park was very crowded that day but somehow no one entered into our secret tranquility or I was so focused on him that I noticed no one else.
The words he spoke reflected his pride in my ownership, and the seriousness of this simple act of collaring.
This collaring ceremony are my Master’s words exactly how he prepared them that day and also from a letter he wrote and gave to me on our two year anniversary just a month ago. His memory is impeccable.
“You stand here before me as one who was once free. Free to make every decision that governs the course of your life. And free to make one ultimate decision that will change everything about you. It is your choice to offer your submission to me.” His voice was quiet and melodious, deeply smooth. “It is not something I demand from you, but is instead a wonderful gift. It is the ultimate gift one person can give to another. We stand here alone, privately, as a reminder that the collar you will wear symbolizes complete devotion to me. There will be nothing else in all the world that matters as much as that devotion. And so we do this together. You and I. But otherwise undistracted by anyone or anything. This private act is focused. And the collar you accept today will forever remind you of that focus.”
I knelt trembling before him my eyes lowered in respect and tears moving down my cheeks as he placed the collar around my neck.
“By accepting this collar from me, you offer me the gift of your complete and total submission to me. Your unquestioning obedience to my will in all things. Your unwavering devotion to me and to whatever I desire. And by offering you this collar, I accept the responsibility that it entails. I will always treat you with the respect and honor that this collar represents. I will protect you, physically and emotionally. I will teach you and train you. And I will not shirk from my duty to discipline you so that these lessons are imprinted on you and become an indivisible part of you. In short, I will forever love you as your Master.”
He locked the collar around my neck, where it would remain. I was his, and the collar now announced that to the whole world. It announced that I had given up myself to him and that he had accepted me.
Later, he would take me to a room that he had filled with flowers. They were everywhere in that room and he joined the two of us together with his body, coupling and spilling himself inside me to complete the act of claiming me as his own.
He said something that night that he would say again in the weeks, months, and years to come. They were words that sprang from him, unprepared, almost as though from a supernatural presence, but they spoke a simple truth about the two of them.
“I will never let you go. Never.”
***
On that amazing day in wondrous beauty in the inner sanctum of my guarded locked soul, a small flickering tendril of warmth was lit from within as his hand cupped my chin and lifted my eyes to look into his. This man was very different than any man I had met before; it’s why I chose him and why I feared him. I would have to keep my defenses securely up to not fall into what I thought would be a deep abyss and complete loss of self…
The day that he formally collared me was a joyous one. Master planned everything down to the smallest detail without revealing anything to me in advance. He blindfolded me and took me to a lush green park where I felt as if I had stepped into a fantasy world of beauty. Cliffs surrounded us on three sides as we stood beside a quiet pool surrounded by flowers, birds and one very sweet frog was also in attendance.
The park was very crowded that day but somehow no one entered into our secret tranquility or I was so focused on him that I noticed no one else.
The words he spoke reflected his pride in my ownership, and the seriousness of this simple act of collaring.
This collaring ceremony are my Master’s words exactly how he prepared them that day and also from a letter he wrote and gave to me on our two year anniversary just a month ago. His memory is impeccable.
“You stand here before me as one who was once free. Free to make every decision that governs the course of your life. And free to make one ultimate decision that will change everything about you. It is your choice to offer your submission to me.” His voice was quiet and melodious, deeply smooth. “It is not something I demand from you, but is instead a wonderful gift. It is the ultimate gift one person can give to another. We stand here alone, privately, as a reminder that the collar you will wear symbolizes complete devotion to me. There will be nothing else in all the world that matters as much as that devotion. And so we do this together. You and I. But otherwise undistracted by anyone or anything. This private act is focused. And the collar you accept today will forever remind you of that focus.”
I knelt trembling before him my eyes lowered in respect and tears moving down my cheeks as he placed the collar around my neck.
“By accepting this collar from me, you offer me the gift of your complete and total submission to me. Your unquestioning obedience to my will in all things. Your unwavering devotion to me and to whatever I desire. And by offering you this collar, I accept the responsibility that it entails. I will always treat you with the respect and honor that this collar represents. I will protect you, physically and emotionally. I will teach you and train you. And I will not shirk from my duty to discipline you so that these lessons are imprinted on you and become an indivisible part of you. In short, I will forever love you as your Master.”
He locked the collar around my neck, where it would remain. I was his, and the collar now announced that to the whole world. It announced that I had given up myself to him and that he had accepted me.
Later, he would take me to a room that he had filled with flowers. They were everywhere in that room and he joined the two of us together with his body, coupling and spilling himself inside me to complete the act of claiming me as his own.
He said something that night that he would say again in the weeks, months, and years to come. They were words that sprang from him, unprepared, almost as though from a supernatural presence, but they spoke a simple truth about the two of them.
“I will never let you go. Never.”
***
On that amazing day in wondrous beauty in the inner sanctum of my guarded locked soul, a small flickering tendril of warmth was lit from within as his hand cupped my chin and lifted my eyes to look into his. This man was very different than any man I had met before; it’s why I chose him and why I feared him. I would have to keep my defenses securely up to not fall into what I thought would be a deep abyss and complete loss of self…
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Meeting Master Stephen
I am smiling as I begin this post. My Master is much better at telling this part of the story than I am. Or is it that I love how soft his voice gets as he talks about the first time he saw me?
The first time I saw him was as I sat in the commons area of the University. It was the duty of all slaves in training to greet visitors. It reinforced protocol by actually using the lessons we were taught rather than have it be all words and lecture. Another advantage was that it also gave student slaves the chance to meet visiting dominants and possible future Master or Mistresses in a safe environment.
I noticed him right away. His manner was strong and confident yet calm and reassuring. I was a quivering mass of nerves. I was not the type of slave that generally got a lot of attention. I am quiet by nature with people I don’t know. But always always aware of what is happening all around me. I watched him and listened to how he spoke, what kind of questions he asked of me and the others. I knew that he took special moments to talk to me personally somehow knowing that I might not be as forward as some of the other slaves.
Over a few weeks I actually started looking forward to his visits at the University. I noticed the times he would usually arrive in the evening and made sure I was there at that time if at all possible. He never took advantage of his position of power like some of the others who came by. And once he even stayed a bit later than usual when an overbearing Dom was visiting and made me feel uncomfortable.
I found myself drawn to him in a way I had yet to understand. He had this mixture of strength and tenderness that pulled at me. Our talks took on a more serious tone and I began to ask him deeper questions about what his expectations were of a personal slave. If he had any other slaves or desired to have anymore. If so, then how many? How did he administer punishment? What were his thoughts on the qualities of the “perfect” slave for him?
And I shared with him my dreams of a Master. I spoke of loyalty and devotion. Giving my whole self in complete submission at some time in the future to a Master that realized what a gift it was. We grew closer as the days passed and I felt that he was the Master I wished to kneel before.
It was during this time that he told me he had a far away trip coming up. And that the area was so remote that he would not be able to communicate with me. He told me he did not think it was fair to collar a slave and then be gone for 3 weeks so He asked me to do something for him…he asked me to continue at the University, learn all I could and also to meet with other potential Doms. But agree to not accept another Dom’s collar until after his return. And then at that point let him know of my decision in regards to choosing a Master.
Three weeks with no way to speak with him was a horribly long time. I did all he asked of me, but no Dom compared to him. As the days and weeks went on I began to question myself and my budding devotion to a Master that may have changed his mind during his long absence.
One night after a lecture I begged counsel from one of the instructors. She was one of my favorite Mistresses at the University. After all of the other slaves left she came and sat beside me and just waited for me to find the words to speak. I cried as I explained about the Dom I wanted as Master even though I had spent time talking with many others I felt he was the one. But what if he no longer wanted me?
She asked me his name and then smiled. “I know this Dom. He is honest and sincere. He will keep his commitment to you just as you have to him. All will be well, Eirene. You have become the proper slave any Dom would be proud to own.”
As the time for his return approached I readied myself to meet with him. I had made my decision and kept my promises. When he arrived home and sent for me I felt like I might faint.
“Greetings, Sir,” I said as I knelt before him “It is good to see you. How was your trip?”
He told me of many of the wonderful things he had seen and done and then I took a deep breath and with trembling hands folded in my lap I spoke. “You asked me to meet with other potential Masters and Mistresses, and I have done so. I have been taught that submission is a gift of the heart. So, I offer my heart to you, and if you choose to accept me, I promise to serve you to the best of my ability.
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