Collar and Crop

It has been just over a week now since I met my slave in real life. As anyone who has read the postings here knows, we have known each other online for well over two years, and were ready to take that step of transitioning from an online environment to real life.

We knew that we took a risk by doing so. We have both known many others who have tried to make that transition, meeting in real life after developing an online D/s relationship, only to see their fantasies shattered. And living in different parts of the country means that both of us already have things in our lives that present challenges in being together full time as Master and slave.

So why did we decide to meet? The answer, as simple and complex as it is, is that the online and remote relationship was no longer enough, for either of us. We have been amazingly inventive in making things as real as they can possibly be with a remote relationship. But as eirene’s Master, I wanted — no, needed — to feel my actual hands moving over her body with the possessiveness of the dominant man that I am. I needed to experience the actuality of taking control of her, physically and not just with my words. I needed to know how it felt with her, wearing my collar around her neck, and feeling the tug of her leash in my hand as I walked with her.

I needed to see her eyes and her smile. I needed to see the way her body moves and reacts when I issue a command or tell her I just want her to be by my side. I needed to know how my own body would respond when I had her touch me, in ways that are both innocent and erotic. I needed to know that she would accept those things about me that are not obvious in an online environment, but which are nonetheless still part of the person that I truly am.

I needed to know that those things that I need as her Master were things that not only could she bear, but that she would thrive on and grow with. To order her food for her in a restaurant, with her never seeing what the choices on the menu were. To use her sexually in the way that I want, when I want, no matter what her own desires or wishes. To know that her body not only accepts but craves the feel of my flogger on her back, at the strength that I want, in the way that I want. To issue very simple and subtle commands to her — things that are not kinky, not erotic, but mundane — and know that she relishes obeying them as deeply as the stuff that excites her.

As I write these things that I need as her Master, I see how it is possible to read them as selfish things. But I make no apology for that. Those who have read what eirene has had to say about such things know that the dynamic between us is not so simple, and that as selfish as these things might appear, there are deeper connections at work. Things that have bound us tightly even online in a way that I believe few experience.

And so we did meet.

Eirene took an entire week off work to make the trip of 1100 miles to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, selflessly bearing almost the entire burden of the travel, even in face of forecasts of significant snow. She arrived at the place we were to meet, to ready it, to ensure that it would be all that the two of us imagined it to be. She purchased food, and brought music and movies with her that we would be able to share, as the two of us, who in one way knew each other so very well, discovered each other for the very first time.

We had decided to meet for two days, enough time to give us a taste of what life could be look for the two of us, as real-life Master and slave. Who knew at the time we planned things whether that would be too little time or too much time. But in that time, I saw her eyes and her smile. I saw the way her body moves and reacts when I call her to my side or issue a command to her. I learned the way my body responds to her touch. I learned how she reacts to the total reality of me, unvarnished by the protective veneer that remoteness can give.

One night, we exchanged gifts that bind us in real life. While she knelt at my feet, I placed a collar around her neck, and locked it, a collar that I had had custom made some six weeks previously. It was and is a symbol of my claim of ownership over her, with all of the responsibility that that entails. And she presented me with a riding crop that she had purchased specially. It was and is a symbol of her submission to me, and her acceptance of my dominance over her and my role as her Master.

Those two days were real, in every way, including every complexity that it is possible for our two lives to encounter. While there is a part of me that might have wished for things to be simple, I am glad that the complexity was there.

Because something happened that I did not fully expect.

The things that we did, all those wonderful things that allowed us each to know what it is like for her to be my real-life slave, wearing my collar, obediently at my side, held more power than we could have known. They were amazing experiences, yes. They were things we had dreamed about sharing and were then able to experience, yes. They created deep memories in each of us, yes.

But they also left seeds within me that have begun to germinate.

This is part of the reason that I have waited a full week to provide my account of things. Within me, those seeds have sprouted into deep cravings to continue to experience the real-life domination that I have had only a taste of with eirene. To feel my ownership of her in a deep and palpable way. And they continue to grow. I am like a man who has spent his life blind, and who was privileged to receive a taste of what it is to be sighted.

I collared eirene for the first time more than two years ago. But since that night last week, when she looked up at me with her doe eyes as I clasped the lock shut to secure her collar, she has became my slave in every way.