Punishment - One Slaves Perspective

November 9, 2009
7 Days until I meet my Master

I dislike punishment but I do understand the need for it in the M/s relationship. It’s part of the control aspect and must be used to keep that imbalance of power in place. Words are just words and hold no real power in and of themselves without definite action behind them. If this is a “true” power exchange it will be tested by the slave and reinforced by the Master.

I am human I make mistakes. Sometimes I get complacent and to comfortable. So, am I testing or blatantly defiant? I think it’s more complicated than that. Speech and protocol need constant correction especially in the beginning of the relationship, as the slave learns her parameters, modifies her behavior and changes the way she thinks.... every Master is different..has different rules and desires for how he wants a slave to be. There are of course private times when things are more casual.

Rules must be clear and punishment consistent and fitting of the offense. Playing mind games with foggy rules that seem to change as the wind blows can cause despondence, depression and a lack of willingness to do anything for fear of reprisal. These things do not equal a slave that is eager to serve.

A Master that punishes while angry has already lost the ability to control me. Displeasure over my behavior is one thing…anger is something else again...since it could make his punishment more severe than is perhaps warranted and break down my trust.

I do not consider myself defiant or disrespectful. However there have been times when stressors in other areas of my life have made me crave even tighter control. Or, have me confused emotionally on how best to deal with feelings I am having. It’s very much also an eternal struggle to ask for what I need and so in my frustration I have on occasion taken a bit longer to answer my Master’s call or have taken a second or two …to long to kneel. I know he will notice and that he will react …be that he pushes me to my knees, holds my face to his boots or tightly binds me in rope…whatever. Usually for me something confining helps. He knows it centers me and makes me refocus. It’s calming for me. Afterwards though there is always guilt.

The reason I hate punishment is because it feels like such a failure to me. Not because I don’t think I deserve it. …I most often *do*. I have submitted myself to his control and dominance…his direction and in this instance I *have* failed. I have done something that has caused him to be displeased with me.

It’s also a learning thing and his way of confirming for me yet again that he accepts my submission and he *will* exercise his dominance. It’s why we are together in the first place.

I want and need his control of me. The tighter it is the more I like it, which also means more danger of punishment. But I accept that gratefully as the trade off to deeper and deeper submission.

This path is not an easy one. It is littered with the “bodies” of lesser slaves and the Doms who would not or could not take on that responsibility.

Giving him control frees me…frees me from having any other worries save one, serving him. I feed his need for control and he feeds my need to *be* controlled. By giving him my submission my devotion my service and absolute obedience what do I get in return?

A Master that loves and protects me to the depths of which I have never seen in the vanilla world. I can be absolutely vulnerable and open. There is no reason to hide anything because he already knows it all. I can just be me, completely a woman in every way and revel and rejoice in the feeling of being in the presence of an uncompromising male.

As much as I hate punishment I would not stay in an M/s relationship without it. It’s another layer of trust. Trust that he is doing what is best for both of us. Trusting that there might be more information regarding the situation then I know or that has been shared with me. His word is the final one.