January Our 2nd Meeting Continued……

And it *was* a marvelous weekend. Passion filled days and walks under star lit nights. The stuff romance novels are written about … well the kind I think about anyway. The ones with a firm twist toward BDSM and M/s.

I will let my mind be carried along by my heart and share some of my most enduring memories….

The weather was perfect, sunshiny around 70° and cool enough in the evening to require a light jacket. That far away from the city, the sky was spectacular at night. The stars sparkled against a inky blue black sky.

You may think it a bit odd of me to say that one of my fondest memories are of smoking with him as we walked down to the lake edge in the evening . He smokes... I do not really but I had purchased his brand when I had returned home in November. Not to smoke, although I did do it once to feel close to him. That’s the whole point of it for me, the bonding aspect. The needing to feel as close to him as possible. I had to teach myself how not to breath it in or my lungs screamed and burned in protest. It’s not something my Master ever asked of me, it’s just part of who I am. That need to transform and mold myself into whatever I think could please him, immerses me deeper and deeper into my slavery.

I had also brought with me a very special gift that I had, had made especially for him. A single tail whip, six weeks in the making. I was almost afraid it would not arrive in time for our weekend but it did. A high quality well made single tail, takes time and patience to break in. It’s not something that can be rushed. That for me is a huge part of the attraction. The whip, like the slave upon whom it leaves its mark needs time to develop into the wanton animal that it was born to be. The whip in the hands of a Master is like watching a wand in the hands of a witch, its magick. In just those few days the difference was remarkable. And now just a few months later it bears little resemblance to the stiff piece of leather it was when I gave it to him. Depending on his mood or command it is either smooth and slow like a sidewinder or quick and sharp like a rattler. It obeys him implicitly purring and whispering promises of love, lust, pain and blood.

The scenes we did that weekend were intense, terrifying and delicious but it was the quieter moments I loved best. Reading to him as he relaxed, closing his eyes and listening or sleeping. It does not matter which. It all means the same to me. Contented Master’s are a rare blessing and glad I am to be the one responsible for his peaceful demeanor at those moments. At some time years and years from now… I would love to have a room full of the books we have read together and discussed together. I have grown to dearly love reading to him. He seems so content and peaceful with the world and with me.

I have wondered does he at those times drift back to all the different women I have been, and am for him? Does the soft peacefulness of my voice bring back memories of our online relationship when I have portrayed many women and yet remained the woman with one heart and one focus? Online, different traits and personalities can be expressed and played out in ways just not possible in real life. Instead of fragmenting me into an impossible puzzle to figure out it has instead made me realize how all those different sides of me can be one whole profoundly interesting, vital woman.

During that weekend we also visited a beautiful little winery with a small bistro. We had some good wine and great food and lazed away the afternoon sitting outside overlooking the vineyards talking casually of past memories and future dreams. We kept the wine glasses and I will cherish them always.

That next night I cooked for him and then sat naked at his feet while he ate. It was one of the most difficult things he had asked of me up to that point and it was difficult for me, and I did it without complaint. I felt tremendously vulnerable sitting there with him occasionally feeding me from his hand. My hands ached to pull up the soft robe that was pooled around me. I knew it was a huge leap of faith and trust for me and failing just could not be an option. It made me even more submissive and quiet and even after he allowed me to sit with him at the table I was subdued. As slaves if our supposed limits are never pushed a bit I think the possibility of complacency exists. It’s the difficult things that remind us that we are not in control. I can’t say I like them or even understand them but I do accept that it’s his right to ask anything of me and have me comply.

The weekend was quickly coming to an end and I know none of this sounds like the same slave who spoke words of release just a post ago. Even I was amazed at my resolve to let those thoughts dissolve themselves and fade to the background for a few short short days. But even this idealistic setting and time had an end and I struggled with tears that wanted to be shed. And so, on that last evening did I curl myself up once more at his feet and beg a word with him….

2nd Meeting January 16, 2010

There were things that happened that weekend in November 2009 that will not be shared here in a public forum. Suffice it to say they were things I was sure that we would never be able to overcome but I wanted the weekend of memories regardless and I needed to be able to say “This man owned me… He considered me worthy enough to collar.” None of these things had to do with our relationship directly but those influences surrounding us. And that is what real life is all about.

Christmas and the New Year came and went. It was January 16, 2010 before we would see each other again. And this time it was in Texas, in a cabin tucked back into The Texas Hill Country around Lake Travis.

I had asked him at one point to not come… but his flight reservations were made and so to was his determination to reinforce his dominance and ownership of me.

I relented (an illusionary choice at best within a Master slave relationship) and decided I would make it an incredible final weekend. My decision was made. I would beg release at the end. Face to face, kneeling before him as I had when I took his collar.

As I look back on those thoughts now I realize how very correct my Master was when he mentioned to me at one point that circumstances had transpired in my recent and distant life that were coloring my perception of us. Not allowing me then, to see things clearly through that filter I had constructed for myself.

He knew of course that I was despondent that there were issues that were deeply troubling to me. I think He also knew what my intention was. He knows me extremely well. It had nothing to do with me not wanting to continue my submission to him or not loving him and longing so much to devote myself entirely. And I *knew* He loved me too. We both wanted, craved that 24/7 M/s lifestyle. But love does not conquer all… cannot conquer all. Life can be oh so complicated.

Other things were also very much on my mind… like the binding spell. I had never ever tried to go against my own spell.

And so I arrived early to the cabin to get everything prepared. All those little details… God I love the details! Those are the things that make memories spectacular.

Then off to the airport I went to await his arrival. A smile on my face and my heart bleeding in my hands………….

A Spell Is Cast

This is April 17, 2010. Happy 5th Month Anniversary, Master.

It was October 30, 2009 and as I continued to prepare myself to meet my Master in November, a ritual spell diffused itself within me. It’s not something I had even considered but with the magick of Samhain (Halloween) being imminent the spirits were afoot with inspiration and as colorful fall leaves whipped through the air they whispered the words I shall share with you now.

It illuminates me from the inside as I place the magickal words here for all to see. Spells are a living entity as long as they remain active. They are either encoded with a specific ending time or they are released from their purpose by the witch.

I divulge the spell now because I want *you* to get a sense of my variegated nature…as slave…as witch and the Dominant that chose to collar such a creature. To tame her, enrapture her, claim her, control her, and all without crushing her spirit. I am at once a quandary of flaming heat coexisting within the cool comfort and peace of an ocean’s tide as it crashes teaming with life at his feet. Ready and very willing to let him be the driving force in this relationship.

It takes no dominance at all to control a slave with no soul or thought of her own. Try instead, a woman with intelligence and wit with a twist of true magick, that also has an everlasting proclivity to fulfill the needs and wants of a confident, knowledgeable, and uncompromising male. Then the fun really begins.

My Master understood all the implications of this binding spell and he gave his permission for it to be done. The formal completion of the enchantment to be as I knelt before him in real life as he offered his collar, a symbol of his ownership, and me offering him the crop as a symbol of my submission .

Here then is the ritual I performed on October 31, 2009.

Patchouli - Regarded as an aphrodisiac with magickal powers
Red Candle - Red candles are burned for love and to increase the life force
((As I dress the candle with the Patchouli oil I say the following…))

I ask the Goddess and the God who are two yet one, to allow me to expand on this love in my life in a form not often requested guided by the light of my candle flame and the fate of the universe.

This love has no limits, boundaries or conditions, and i am ready to give this love within the confines of a Master slave relationship.

Our love will be intense and passionate like the flame of the candles, but there also will be joy in the simple act of giving and receiving service, our love will be long lasting.

So as we desire this love, so it shall be

*****

As Samhain Sweeps in with winter’s first kiss I pray to the spirits and ask only this….

Bless my journey to my Master’s feet and keep me from harm
With light of protection and amethyst charm
My path be straight and free from strife

My gift of self to my Master be given
In pure love, devotion and service may it be driven
I submit to him in all things and all ways
This I now profess until the end of my days

To my Master I do make this decree
That to his service do I bend to my knees
The Magick of my submission I lay before him
No other is worthy of my gift

One more request have I, as Samhain draws nigh
That with our exchange of collar and crop
Both are bound by the words we drop
Until such a time if it should come to pass
That our love has breathed and beat its last

I ask for these things there equivalent or better. So mote it be.

Let Me Begin Again.....

I know it’s been a very long time between posts and I am overflowing with all that I want to talk about. Perhaps part of me was waiting to see how it all ended and then I forgot it’s my story to tell!... and to feel… and to live. So forgive me the absence as my pen once again finds paper.

Settle in for a recap. Take a bit of tea, curl up in a soft blanket and let us begin where we left off on that very very cold winter’s day back in November of 2009………

The last few months have been a tumultuous sea of emotions as my Master and I try to make the transition from online to full time real life. The transition is by no means easy and there are skeletons of many others that have traversed the same path and failed. Their bodies and hearts swept out into the unforgiving depths to drown an untimely death.

Let’s face it… in online relationships our minds fill in many of the gaps left vacant by the other person..And of course we tend to fill them with our own passionate ideas of who this person is! Reality can be a harsh teacher. The truth is also though that even though the odds *are* against us we can persevere. We knew there would be challenges. He and I met knowing them, and still it was a staggering blow.

I have heard his voice a million times before I ever once saw his face or kissed his lips. Back in November of 2009 when we first saw each other face to face I would frequently close my eyes and just listen to the sound of his voice. That’s my Master...that, sexy, smooth, commanding voice that could have me quivering with desire or trepidation. Then I would open my eyes and see this very handsome “stranger” …..it made me fearful, so closing them and just listening to his soothing tones calmed me and stopped me from heading out the nearest exit. Now I connect them. When I speak to him on the phone I also see his face.

His voice will always have a powerful effect on me. It can be hypnotic and oh so compelling, demanding but also whisper soft and loving. But now I can assimilate them with his touch. A touch that at one moment can weld a whip with such precision that the crack of it alters my perception and sends me blissfully and obediently to sub space…. Can a second later be gently lingering over my cheek or wandering down over one breast as they peruse his property.

For the next few posts I will do a bit of catch up so that you know where we are now and where we are headed. The ecstasy has been exquisite but there has also been heartache.

How has our relationship changed? Because of course it has had to, right? I know...I know getting a bit side tracked so let me begin again….