It has been just over a week now since I met my slave in real life. As anyone who has read the postings here knows, we have known each other online for well over two years, and were ready to take that step of transitioning from an online environment to real life.
We knew that we took a risk by doing so. We have both known many others who have tried to make that transition, meeting in real life after developing an online D/s relationship, only to see their fantasies shattered. And living in different parts of the country means that both of us already have things in our lives that present challenges in being together full time as Master and slave.
So why did we decide to meet? The answer, as simple and complex as it is, is that the online and remote relationship was no longer enough, for either of us. We have been amazingly inventive in making things as real as they can possibly be with a remote relationship. But as eirene’s Master, I wanted — no, needed — to feel my actual hands moving over her body with the possessiveness of the dominant man that I am. I needed to experience the actuality of taking control of her, physically and not just with my words. I needed to know how it felt with her, wearing my collar around her neck, and feeling the tug of her leash in my hand as I walked with her.
I needed to see her eyes and her smile. I needed to see the way her body moves and reacts when I issue a command or tell her I just want her to be by my side. I needed to know how my own body would respond when I had her touch me, in ways that are both innocent and erotic. I needed to know that she would accept those things about me that are not obvious in an online environment, but which are nonetheless still part of the person that I truly am.
I needed to know that those things that I need as her Master were things that not only could she bear, but that she would thrive on and grow with. To order her food for her in a restaurant, with her never seeing what the choices on the menu were. To use her sexually in the way that I want, when I want, no matter what her own desires or wishes. To know that her body not only accepts but craves the feel of my flogger on her back, at the strength that I want, in the way that I want. To issue very simple and subtle commands to her — things that are not kinky, not erotic, but mundane — and know that she relishes obeying them as deeply as the stuff that excites her.
As I write these things that I need as her Master, I see how it is possible to read them as selfish things. But I make no apology for that. Those who have read what eirene has had to say about such things know that the dynamic between us is not so simple, and that as selfish as these things might appear, there are deeper connections at work. Things that have bound us tightly even online in a way that I believe few experience.
And so we did meet.
Eirene took an entire week off work to make the trip of 1100 miles to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, selflessly bearing almost the entire burden of the travel, even in face of forecasts of significant snow. She arrived at the place we were to meet, to ready it, to ensure that it would be all that the two of us imagined it to be. She purchased food, and brought music and movies with her that we would be able to share, as the two of us, who in one way knew each other so very well, discovered each other for the very first time.
We had decided to meet for two days, enough time to give us a taste of what life could be look for the two of us, as real-life Master and slave. Who knew at the time we planned things whether that would be too little time or too much time. But in that time, I saw her eyes and her smile. I saw the way her body moves and reacts when I call her to my side or issue a command to her. I learned the way my body responds to her touch. I learned how she reacts to the total reality of me, unvarnished by the protective veneer that remoteness can give.
One night, we exchanged gifts that bind us in real life. While she knelt at my feet, I placed a collar around her neck, and locked it, a collar that I had had custom made some six weeks previously. It was and is a symbol of my claim of ownership over her, with all of the responsibility that that entails. And she presented me with a riding crop that she had purchased specially. It was and is a symbol of her submission to me, and her acceptance of my dominance over her and my role as her Master.
Those two days were real, in every way, including every complexity that it is possible for our two lives to encounter. While there is a part of me that might have wished for things to be simple, I am glad that the complexity was there.
Because something happened that I did not fully expect.
The things that we did, all those wonderful things that allowed us each to know what it is like for her to be my real-life slave, wearing my collar, obediently at my side, held more power than we could have known. They were amazing experiences, yes. They were things we had dreamed about sharing and were then able to experience, yes. They created deep memories in each of us, yes.
But they also left seeds within me that have begun to germinate.
This is part of the reason that I have waited a full week to provide my account of things. Within me, those seeds have sprouted into deep cravings to continue to experience the real-life domination that I have had only a taste of with eirene. To feel my ownership of her in a deep and palpable way. And they continue to grow. I am like a man who has spent his life blind, and who was privileged to receive a taste of what it is to be sighted.
I collared eirene for the first time more than two years ago. But since that night last week, when she looked up at me with her doe eyes as I clasped the lock shut to secure her collar, she has became my slave in every way.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The Crystal Clarity Of A Winter's Night
Friday November 20, 2009
I have rewritten this blog post at least 4 times…twice while driving. Well, just notes jotted down quickly as I was driving. And still my quest remains unfinished. How to word it, what to say changes the more I spend time thinking about it. Not that the events themselves change…just perspective.
I have returned back to Texas once more…I am tired, beyond tired to almost delirious and yet here I am posting to my blog. When was the last time I slept fully…hmmm. Last Friday perhaps, I am unsure.
I left the warmth of a clear Texas day with temperatures hovering around 75° and began the 1100 miles to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. The National Weather Service was predicting a major snow fall a night or two before so with some trepidation and a cell phone strapped to my hip, Texas cowgirl style, I left. I grew up in the Midwest so snow was not unfamiliar to me and it seemed like all would be in the cleanup stages just as or before I arrived. Although I must admit I searched for awhile to find my winter coat and boots.
Why did I go there instead of him coming here or choosing someplace less weather volatile? It seemed appropriate that a slave should, at least this first time, go to her Master. Even that the journey be perhaps a bit dangerous in some respects. It was a symbol of my commitment and symbols seem so very important when important things are about to transpire. And the gorgeous beauty of the mountains drew me almost as much. Another symbol of returning to the simplicity of a natural relationship between a woman and a man.
Regardless if you agree I believe women were made to serve men and that the world revolves on a much smoother axis when this “balance” has returned. Anyway, it indeed does for me with this one man. I in no way mean a degrading relationship that exists in many parts of the world. Not all men are worthy of the devotion of a woman and just because a person has a cock between their legs does not make them deserving of having my tongue lick the creases of their boots. It is earned over time and much dedication on his part. But I digress…….
My skin has adjusted to the mild winters of the south and while I thought I remembered how cutting it could be I was still ill prepared when some 8 hours later as I stepped out to refuel , a wind of 23° F wrapped itself around me like a fuzzy blanket full of holes. My teeth chattered and my fingers and arms tried to pull back up into my sleeves. What *was* I thinking! People generally go south in the winter not north! As usual I find myself going against the grain of mainstream thought. But what pleasures are to be had in such a lack luster life?
The cabin was less of a cabin and more of a huge house on the side of spectacular mountain views. There was nothing a person could want for. It was for all practical purposes an elegant home with all amenities provided. There was no room without breathtaking views. And I am not exaggerating. Every room was worthy of a portrait.
The main living area had one wall that was just windows...slanted back and upward. I moved an overstuffed chair so that after dark we could just sit there and quietly watch the stars glitter across the sky in an unending parade of lights that still hold the same patterns as the ancients saw.
And so against this back drop did I meet my Master….
I am in all worlds now a fully collared slave as of the evening of November 17, 2009. I thought I was prepared for the feeling, but there is no way one is ready for such a life changing event. Bound am I in full real life BDSM.
I am making this all sound so easy and in reality it was not.
I went to meet this man I have laughed, loved and served for over two years in texted chat and voice only. His words and ways seduced me and my love grew. I prayed to the Goddess that all our feelings would be affirmed when first we met.
What happened was I became even more enchanted …his quiet strength filled the place as soon as he entered it.
I was nervous beyond belief all of a sudden I knew nothing. How to act what to say when to kneel when not to. When to defer to him when not to touch and when to…countless and endless questions ran through my mind. What if I am not as he imagined I would be? Not pleasing enough in some fashion, not pretty enough, smart enough, quick enough in learning all he asked of me. It’s always been easy for me to write things so a text online environment was very easy in relation to what I now faced.
I sat on one end of the sofa and he sat on the other end. Our conversation stumbled over my inability to let go of my anxiety. And I worried that things were not going at all like I dreamed they would. So I let myself fall into the role I knew with him best. …service. He had not eaten so I prepared some cheese, fruit, crackers and some wine. As I returned to him I sat on the floor instead of beside him and my soul took a real audible breath at last. My gaze took him in and I felt familiar warmth. Like taking a sip of fine cognac …the warmth filling my mouth and tongue melting down my throat and extending to my finger tips. A delicious calming thing that brought a flush to my face.
We talked of many things. Things we had spoken of in the past that we used now as a door to reach through. I often closed my eyes as he spoke. His voice was my Master. The same sultry whispery tone that makes a woman want to remove her undergarments and spread her legs in a very unlady like fashion. Oh but the pleasures...the innumerable pleasures of it.
We went out for dinner that night to a small authentic intimate Italian restaurant. His manner was one of a man who is used to being very much in charge of things. When the waitress handed me a menu he took it and ordered for us both. Although we had discussed such things…to finally have it done in real life was beyond my expectations. It sent a rush of adrenaline throughout my body.
After dinner we returned “home” had more wine and talked more. We spoke of expectations and of complications of family for both of us. This lifestyle has many misconceptions and stereotypes that family and friends can find difficult or impossible to accept. That is the reality of taking things real life.
Acknowledging those issues we continued on deciding that we would handle each of them in turn as they arose giving each the thoughtful and loving consideration they deserved.
As I knelt before him and he locked his collar around my neck the soft leather with his name burned into it, whispered to me a secret…a secret that is only bequeathed upon those who have gone the distance learned the lessons and done the work. “You have been transported into a rapturous life”.
My words seemed to stick in my throat as I watched him slip the key to my collar into the pocket of his pants. I looked up at him heart pounding and offered him my own gifts, symbols again of my submission. An English riding crop and a key to my apartment. My whole life was his from that day forward.
We had spoken often of how things might go without anything written in stone. To just let everything unravel just as time does. I had been under sexual restrictions for months, most of that was self imposed because my desire had focused on him and only him. However in these last 5 days I was also restricted from self pleasuring. And he had chosen as another gift to me to not cum as well. To make our desire and appeasement more intense when we did come together. And to recognize the commitment we made to this M/s relationship. I chuckled a bit when he said he was never going to go 5 days without cumming again. In all seriousness though it was a huge concession on his part and meant a lot to me.
In the early morning hours then, did my real life Master claim me as his real life slave. Me kneeling again before him under the stars of the universe adoring and pleasuring his cock. Kissing it lightly before parting my lips and sliding his smooth hardness inside my mouth. His leash was secured to my collar and his hand held my hair tightly. It was a moment of bliss for me to watch his face and feel his body react to what I was doing. And when he finally succumbed to the moment and pulsed in my throat drenching it with his sweet thick cum, tears stung my eyes.
There were over these days a plethora of emotions and feelings. The transformation from online to real life is not simply a stroll from one room to another. Online is much easier and while I do respect that it is the reason we came together it was also a bit of a stumbling block. In a surreal way, we knew each other well but did not know each other at all. It was a paradox.
The following day was rich in experimenting with our reactions to actual flogging and a scene involving me tied and bound in rope…vulnerable with no possibility of escape. I gave to my Master the trust he had earned as my online Master but the fear *was* there.
All the things we had learned were implemented in real time. My body felt everything. There was no part of me that did not hurt. It was glorious.
I have written this all from my view of things without trying to take to much liberty with what it must have been like for him because we have not fully discussed its aftermath.
Why haven’t we?
In a very real way we have just met, him and I, and now we need to learn each other on this level. The level where our relationship becomes a part of the greater whole of life for both of us not just a couple hours here and there on the computer. Just as there are miscommunications in vanilla relationships there most certainly is in this kind as well.
It may seem odd that we still went forth with the collaring with all of these variables that we were uncertain about but I think we both needed to try out some things that would be a huge part of our life so that we knew if we should go further with each other. We had spent a couple years now playing the parts we had to push it further.
I cried... I cried a lot. Meeting real life had the intensity to bring everything to the forefront. Every fear deep and dark and otherwise. No more illusions this was the real deal. There is a reason that many many relationships even vanilla ones do not survive once they step past the veil of online. Some things just cannot transcend into the light.
I will tell you now what I have learned in this past week. I know that the person he portrayed online is in fact who he is. He is quiet, strong and compassionate. I myself am quiet and so I can appreciate and actually very much enjoy that side of him. His passions run deep for everything he loves.
I am more in love with him then I was before we met. There are parts of the last week that were very very hard and emotional. But I can imagine no other man as being my Master. If it is within my power to be the slave he needs to be fulfilled in his dominance then I will do it, given the chance and his continued desire to have me be his.
I love you, my Master, with a strength and intensity that not even a northern Canadian jet stream could breach. I would like to keep your collar and I wish to remain your slave. The highlights of the past few days are just a delicious taste of the many ways I have of serving you. I await only your approval and acceptance of me.
I have rewritten this blog post at least 4 times…twice while driving. Well, just notes jotted down quickly as I was driving. And still my quest remains unfinished. How to word it, what to say changes the more I spend time thinking about it. Not that the events themselves change…just perspective.
I have returned back to Texas once more…I am tired, beyond tired to almost delirious and yet here I am posting to my blog. When was the last time I slept fully…hmmm. Last Friday perhaps, I am unsure.
I left the warmth of a clear Texas day with temperatures hovering around 75° and began the 1100 miles to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. The National Weather Service was predicting a major snow fall a night or two before so with some trepidation and a cell phone strapped to my hip, Texas cowgirl style, I left. I grew up in the Midwest so snow was not unfamiliar to me and it seemed like all would be in the cleanup stages just as or before I arrived. Although I must admit I searched for awhile to find my winter coat and boots.
Why did I go there instead of him coming here or choosing someplace less weather volatile? It seemed appropriate that a slave should, at least this first time, go to her Master. Even that the journey be perhaps a bit dangerous in some respects. It was a symbol of my commitment and symbols seem so very important when important things are about to transpire. And the gorgeous beauty of the mountains drew me almost as much. Another symbol of returning to the simplicity of a natural relationship between a woman and a man.
Regardless if you agree I believe women were made to serve men and that the world revolves on a much smoother axis when this “balance” has returned. Anyway, it indeed does for me with this one man. I in no way mean a degrading relationship that exists in many parts of the world. Not all men are worthy of the devotion of a woman and just because a person has a cock between their legs does not make them deserving of having my tongue lick the creases of their boots. It is earned over time and much dedication on his part. But I digress…….
My skin has adjusted to the mild winters of the south and while I thought I remembered how cutting it could be I was still ill prepared when some 8 hours later as I stepped out to refuel , a wind of 23° F wrapped itself around me like a fuzzy blanket full of holes. My teeth chattered and my fingers and arms tried to pull back up into my sleeves. What *was* I thinking! People generally go south in the winter not north! As usual I find myself going against the grain of mainstream thought. But what pleasures are to be had in such a lack luster life?
The cabin was less of a cabin and more of a huge house on the side of spectacular mountain views. There was nothing a person could want for. It was for all practical purposes an elegant home with all amenities provided. There was no room without breathtaking views. And I am not exaggerating. Every room was worthy of a portrait.
The main living area had one wall that was just windows...slanted back and upward. I moved an overstuffed chair so that after dark we could just sit there and quietly watch the stars glitter across the sky in an unending parade of lights that still hold the same patterns as the ancients saw.
And so against this back drop did I meet my Master….
I am in all worlds now a fully collared slave as of the evening of November 17, 2009. I thought I was prepared for the feeling, but there is no way one is ready for such a life changing event. Bound am I in full real life BDSM.
I am making this all sound so easy and in reality it was not.
I went to meet this man I have laughed, loved and served for over two years in texted chat and voice only. His words and ways seduced me and my love grew. I prayed to the Goddess that all our feelings would be affirmed when first we met.
What happened was I became even more enchanted …his quiet strength filled the place as soon as he entered it.
I was nervous beyond belief all of a sudden I knew nothing. How to act what to say when to kneel when not to. When to defer to him when not to touch and when to…countless and endless questions ran through my mind. What if I am not as he imagined I would be? Not pleasing enough in some fashion, not pretty enough, smart enough, quick enough in learning all he asked of me. It’s always been easy for me to write things so a text online environment was very easy in relation to what I now faced.
I sat on one end of the sofa and he sat on the other end. Our conversation stumbled over my inability to let go of my anxiety. And I worried that things were not going at all like I dreamed they would. So I let myself fall into the role I knew with him best. …service. He had not eaten so I prepared some cheese, fruit, crackers and some wine. As I returned to him I sat on the floor instead of beside him and my soul took a real audible breath at last. My gaze took him in and I felt familiar warmth. Like taking a sip of fine cognac …the warmth filling my mouth and tongue melting down my throat and extending to my finger tips. A delicious calming thing that brought a flush to my face.
We talked of many things. Things we had spoken of in the past that we used now as a door to reach through. I often closed my eyes as he spoke. His voice was my Master. The same sultry whispery tone that makes a woman want to remove her undergarments and spread her legs in a very unlady like fashion. Oh but the pleasures...the innumerable pleasures of it.
We went out for dinner that night to a small authentic intimate Italian restaurant. His manner was one of a man who is used to being very much in charge of things. When the waitress handed me a menu he took it and ordered for us both. Although we had discussed such things…to finally have it done in real life was beyond my expectations. It sent a rush of adrenaline throughout my body.
After dinner we returned “home” had more wine and talked more. We spoke of expectations and of complications of family for both of us. This lifestyle has many misconceptions and stereotypes that family and friends can find difficult or impossible to accept. That is the reality of taking things real life.
Acknowledging those issues we continued on deciding that we would handle each of them in turn as they arose giving each the thoughtful and loving consideration they deserved.
As I knelt before him and he locked his collar around my neck the soft leather with his name burned into it, whispered to me a secret…a secret that is only bequeathed upon those who have gone the distance learned the lessons and done the work. “You have been transported into a rapturous life”.
My words seemed to stick in my throat as I watched him slip the key to my collar into the pocket of his pants. I looked up at him heart pounding and offered him my own gifts, symbols again of my submission. An English riding crop and a key to my apartment. My whole life was his from that day forward.
We had spoken often of how things might go without anything written in stone. To just let everything unravel just as time does. I had been under sexual restrictions for months, most of that was self imposed because my desire had focused on him and only him. However in these last 5 days I was also restricted from self pleasuring. And he had chosen as another gift to me to not cum as well. To make our desire and appeasement more intense when we did come together. And to recognize the commitment we made to this M/s relationship. I chuckled a bit when he said he was never going to go 5 days without cumming again. In all seriousness though it was a huge concession on his part and meant a lot to me.
In the early morning hours then, did my real life Master claim me as his real life slave. Me kneeling again before him under the stars of the universe adoring and pleasuring his cock. Kissing it lightly before parting my lips and sliding his smooth hardness inside my mouth. His leash was secured to my collar and his hand held my hair tightly. It was a moment of bliss for me to watch his face and feel his body react to what I was doing. And when he finally succumbed to the moment and pulsed in my throat drenching it with his sweet thick cum, tears stung my eyes.
There were over these days a plethora of emotions and feelings. The transformation from online to real life is not simply a stroll from one room to another. Online is much easier and while I do respect that it is the reason we came together it was also a bit of a stumbling block. In a surreal way, we knew each other well but did not know each other at all. It was a paradox.
The following day was rich in experimenting with our reactions to actual flogging and a scene involving me tied and bound in rope…vulnerable with no possibility of escape. I gave to my Master the trust he had earned as my online Master but the fear *was* there.
All the things we had learned were implemented in real time. My body felt everything. There was no part of me that did not hurt. It was glorious.
I have written this all from my view of things without trying to take to much liberty with what it must have been like for him because we have not fully discussed its aftermath.
Why haven’t we?
In a very real way we have just met, him and I, and now we need to learn each other on this level. The level where our relationship becomes a part of the greater whole of life for both of us not just a couple hours here and there on the computer. Just as there are miscommunications in vanilla relationships there most certainly is in this kind as well.
It may seem odd that we still went forth with the collaring with all of these variables that we were uncertain about but I think we both needed to try out some things that would be a huge part of our life so that we knew if we should go further with each other. We had spent a couple years now playing the parts we had to push it further.
I cried... I cried a lot. Meeting real life had the intensity to bring everything to the forefront. Every fear deep and dark and otherwise. No more illusions this was the real deal. There is a reason that many many relationships even vanilla ones do not survive once they step past the veil of online. Some things just cannot transcend into the light.
I will tell you now what I have learned in this past week. I know that the person he portrayed online is in fact who he is. He is quiet, strong and compassionate. I myself am quiet and so I can appreciate and actually very much enjoy that side of him. His passions run deep for everything he loves.
I am more in love with him then I was before we met. There are parts of the last week that were very very hard and emotional. But I can imagine no other man as being my Master. If it is within my power to be the slave he needs to be fulfilled in his dominance then I will do it, given the chance and his continued desire to have me be his.
I love you, my Master, with a strength and intensity that not even a northern Canadian jet stream could breach. I would like to keep your collar and I wish to remain your slave. The highlights of the past few days are just a delicious taste of the many ways I have of serving you. I await only your approval and acceptance of me.
Monday, November 16, 2009
The Moon is New
Only hours now until I meet my slave.
In Colorado, where I live, the full moon is magnificent when it sets over the Rocky mountains as the sun rises. It is an amazing sight that is always worthy of a glance in the early morning when the day is right. Its beauty attracts the attention of all. "How beautiful, how amazing," they coo. But it runs and hides as soon as the sun rises, running to keep up with the darkness of night.
No one ever notices the new moon. It is quiet and unobtrusive. Silent. It rises in the east with the sun and looks down at the mountains rather than escaping behind them. The new moon is a servant to the sun, always presenting its brightest face to the heavenly body that masters it, selflessly enhancing the brightness of the sun. It is bound to the sun, following its arc through the day with unquestioning obedience and devotion. Wherever the sun goes, the new moon follows, ready always to serve. Its enslavement to the sun is total, unhesitant, and complete, all of her seen by her Master even while unseen by others.
Tonight, on the night of the new moon, my girl has made her way to the Colorado mountains, and waits there for me to arrive with collar in hand. She is the new moon. She will rise with the sun, quietly at its side, presenting all of her brightness and beauty to her Master.
As I slip to sleep and rest this night before beginning my part of the journey, I am aware of the dawn that approaches. When the sun will rise to its greatest height in the sky, fierce and brilliant with light and power ... and with the new moon at its feet.
I come with the dawn, my girl.
Stephen
In Colorado, where I live, the full moon is magnificent when it sets over the Rocky mountains as the sun rises. It is an amazing sight that is always worthy of a glance in the early morning when the day is right. Its beauty attracts the attention of all. "How beautiful, how amazing," they coo. But it runs and hides as soon as the sun rises, running to keep up with the darkness of night.
No one ever notices the new moon. It is quiet and unobtrusive. Silent. It rises in the east with the sun and looks down at the mountains rather than escaping behind them. The new moon is a servant to the sun, always presenting its brightest face to the heavenly body that masters it, selflessly enhancing the brightness of the sun. It is bound to the sun, following its arc through the day with unquestioning obedience and devotion. Wherever the sun goes, the new moon follows, ready always to serve. Its enslavement to the sun is total, unhesitant, and complete, all of her seen by her Master even while unseen by others.
Tonight, on the night of the new moon, my girl has made her way to the Colorado mountains, and waits there for me to arrive with collar in hand. She is the new moon. She will rise with the sun, quietly at its side, presenting all of her brightness and beauty to her Master.
As I slip to sleep and rest this night before beginning my part of the journey, I am aware of the dawn that approaches. When the sun will rise to its greatest height in the sky, fierce and brilliant with light and power ... and with the new moon at its feet.
I come with the dawn, my girl.
Stephen
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Spellbound
November 14, 2009
2 days until I meet my Master
The time has come…when I thought it surely never would. What was at one point an elusive dream is now knocking on my front door with his key inserted in the lock.
How is it I am trembling so, when I have been searching for this…for him my whole life? Or is it because I have?
How will it be actually to feel his touch, his kisses, and his whip as opposed to conjuring up vivid images in my mind?
*I* am the witch, so why am I the one feeling the effects of spell weaving?
This is it. It becomes real in every aspect; this entity has been living in my heart since we met over 2 years ago.
No one can say we took it to fast…that things have not been talked and thought through as much as they possibly could be.
None of my questions, fears, or expectations have gone unanswered. His patience has been unshakeable. Every single time I subconsciously and sometimes consciously tried to stop his forward progression with my irrational fears…he slowed, and with the calm confidence of a jungle cat whose prey is in sight…whispered words that drove my submission deeper. Imparting visions of strong surefooted male dominance. Seducing me with his voice of pure liquid cashmere, as he bound me hypnotically tighter and tighter to him.
I the doe… quivering on legs built for speed and a quick exit. I *have* tried diligently to thwart his path and with a casual swagger he has sidestepped or knocked over every wall. When does the vulnerable doe lay herself down within the powerful paws of the lion in surrender? (…a voice in the back of my head answers…. “When there is no longer anywhere or any reason to run”)
… His tongue is wet against my neck. The staccato of my heart beat is visible under the soft thin skin of my throat. I feel his razor sharp teeth rake over my shoulder and I know with one agile movement he could kill me, yet he chooses not to.
Other “lions” occasionally wonder close enough to smell the luscious scent of a true obedient pliable slave. But, Master’s possessive growl is deep, a warning to all that he will protect what he owns. And with quiet respect they retreat to a considerable distance but still watching.
My trust grows and my weariness of the struggle to run overwhelms me. My eyes flutter shut and my breathing settles into the rhythm of sleep and exhaustion. My lion remains vigilant over my vulnerability. I sleep deeper and more restful. Any nightmares are quickly vanquished with one sweep of his massive paw.
Other deer gather at the forest edge, some in fright, some in abstract fear of something that do not even care to understand. All impatient to flee whispering and pleading with me “Do you not know you lay in the arms of a torturous agonizing death? You will be torn to shreds. Becoming a feast to sate his lustful hunger. Even the vultures will not find enough of you left to scavenge. “
I smile a smile that betrays the peace I finally feel seeping into my life. “Aye, I am aware that you see danger. Your concern is appreciated but not warranted. Do you know what it is like to spend eternity fleeing the darkness? To the extent you become afraid of the light as well? He is not my downfall… he is my salvation. I am here...and here I will remain. Be not afraid for me. My old demons have fled in my Master’s wake. I play, love, create, all within the sphere of his control and protection.”
I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard Of Oz, Stepping from black and white into color. I have spent my life up to now, sleepwalking. You may not understand my choices but do not judge them harshly. Look instead beyond preconceived “wickedness” and think of this..... When I smile it reaches my eyes. My laughter is bubbly and comes easily to my lips. Kisses are demanding and eager… sex is rich with passion and desire. I have found a place I finally fit in. Where every fantasy is manifested. Where my submissive and fiery spirit are welcomed. Yes he binds me in rope...whips me...blindfolds me...gags me…and numerous other unending delights. Yes, I kneel at his feet...call him Master…follow his every command.
At the core of all of this is our unfathomed love for each other bound in my consent to all of it. Nothing in our relationship is about force, coercion, or abuse...absolutely none of it. His dominant personality is not a cruel one. He is the most compassionate, caring man I have ever known. I get as much pleasure with our kinks as my Master does. But it’s beyond that even. It’s the small simple seemingly mundane things of day to day life that make us Master/slave.
It’s been as natural as breathing and just as critical, getting to where we are now. Its time…time for me to journey to the mountains...to kneel before the man I call my Master, and accept his collar of ownership. No other is worthy of the submission I have to give. And give it I will…in endless abandon, surrender and devotion at his feet.
I am here Master…I am Your slave….Your girl…Your little doe.
I go and ready everything for your arrival among the grandeur and magick of nature’s topography. As lush and bountiful as a women herself, with curvaceous peaks and hidden valleys.
The moon will be in its waxing phase, the stars hanging like small lanterns against a blue black silk night sky. There a submissive woman waits for you to claim her as your slave and unleash the binding spell agreed upon by both of us at Samhain. The intricacies of such a union are rich and multifaceted. Blessed Be indeed is the Master who captures the wild spirit and heart of a witch.
2 days until I meet my Master
The time has come…when I thought it surely never would. What was at one point an elusive dream is now knocking on my front door with his key inserted in the lock.
How is it I am trembling so, when I have been searching for this…for him my whole life? Or is it because I have?
How will it be actually to feel his touch, his kisses, and his whip as opposed to conjuring up vivid images in my mind?
*I* am the witch, so why am I the one feeling the effects of spell weaving?
This is it. It becomes real in every aspect; this entity has been living in my heart since we met over 2 years ago.
No one can say we took it to fast…that things have not been talked and thought through as much as they possibly could be.
None of my questions, fears, or expectations have gone unanswered. His patience has been unshakeable. Every single time I subconsciously and sometimes consciously tried to stop his forward progression with my irrational fears…he slowed, and with the calm confidence of a jungle cat whose prey is in sight…whispered words that drove my submission deeper. Imparting visions of strong surefooted male dominance. Seducing me with his voice of pure liquid cashmere, as he bound me hypnotically tighter and tighter to him.
I the doe… quivering on legs built for speed and a quick exit. I *have* tried diligently to thwart his path and with a casual swagger he has sidestepped or knocked over every wall. When does the vulnerable doe lay herself down within the powerful paws of the lion in surrender? (…a voice in the back of my head answers…. “When there is no longer anywhere or any reason to run”)
… His tongue is wet against my neck. The staccato of my heart beat is visible under the soft thin skin of my throat. I feel his razor sharp teeth rake over my shoulder and I know with one agile movement he could kill me, yet he chooses not to.
Other “lions” occasionally wonder close enough to smell the luscious scent of a true obedient pliable slave. But, Master’s possessive growl is deep, a warning to all that he will protect what he owns. And with quiet respect they retreat to a considerable distance but still watching.
My trust grows and my weariness of the struggle to run overwhelms me. My eyes flutter shut and my breathing settles into the rhythm of sleep and exhaustion. My lion remains vigilant over my vulnerability. I sleep deeper and more restful. Any nightmares are quickly vanquished with one sweep of his massive paw.
Other deer gather at the forest edge, some in fright, some in abstract fear of something that do not even care to understand. All impatient to flee whispering and pleading with me “Do you not know you lay in the arms of a torturous agonizing death? You will be torn to shreds. Becoming a feast to sate his lustful hunger. Even the vultures will not find enough of you left to scavenge. “
I smile a smile that betrays the peace I finally feel seeping into my life. “Aye, I am aware that you see danger. Your concern is appreciated but not warranted. Do you know what it is like to spend eternity fleeing the darkness? To the extent you become afraid of the light as well? He is not my downfall… he is my salvation. I am here...and here I will remain. Be not afraid for me. My old demons have fled in my Master’s wake. I play, love, create, all within the sphere of his control and protection.”
I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard Of Oz, Stepping from black and white into color. I have spent my life up to now, sleepwalking. You may not understand my choices but do not judge them harshly. Look instead beyond preconceived “wickedness” and think of this..... When I smile it reaches my eyes. My laughter is bubbly and comes easily to my lips. Kisses are demanding and eager… sex is rich with passion and desire. I have found a place I finally fit in. Where every fantasy is manifested. Where my submissive and fiery spirit are welcomed. Yes he binds me in rope...whips me...blindfolds me...gags me…and numerous other unending delights. Yes, I kneel at his feet...call him Master…follow his every command.
At the core of all of this is our unfathomed love for each other bound in my consent to all of it. Nothing in our relationship is about force, coercion, or abuse...absolutely none of it. His dominant personality is not a cruel one. He is the most compassionate, caring man I have ever known. I get as much pleasure with our kinks as my Master does. But it’s beyond that even. It’s the small simple seemingly mundane things of day to day life that make us Master/slave.
It’s been as natural as breathing and just as critical, getting to where we are now. Its time…time for me to journey to the mountains...to kneel before the man I call my Master, and accept his collar of ownership. No other is worthy of the submission I have to give. And give it I will…in endless abandon, surrender and devotion at his feet.
I am here Master…I am Your slave….Your girl…Your little doe.
I go and ready everything for your arrival among the grandeur and magick of nature’s topography. As lush and bountiful as a women herself, with curvaceous peaks and hidden valleys.
The moon will be in its waxing phase, the stars hanging like small lanterns against a blue black silk night sky. There a submissive woman waits for you to claim her as your slave and unleash the binding spell agreed upon by both of us at Samhain. The intricacies of such a union are rich and multifaceted. Blessed Be indeed is the Master who captures the wild spirit and heart of a witch.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Punishment - One Slaves Perspective
November 9, 2009
7 Days until I meet my Master
I dislike punishment but I do understand the need for it in the M/s relationship. It’s part of the control aspect and must be used to keep that imbalance of power in place. Words are just words and hold no real power in and of themselves without definite action behind them. If this is a “true” power exchange it will be tested by the slave and reinforced by the Master.
I am human I make mistakes. Sometimes I get complacent and to comfortable. So, am I testing or blatantly defiant? I think it’s more complicated than that. Speech and protocol need constant correction especially in the beginning of the relationship, as the slave learns her parameters, modifies her behavior and changes the way she thinks.... every Master is different..has different rules and desires for how he wants a slave to be. There are of course private times when things are more casual.
Rules must be clear and punishment consistent and fitting of the offense. Playing mind games with foggy rules that seem to change as the wind blows can cause despondence, depression and a lack of willingness to do anything for fear of reprisal. These things do not equal a slave that is eager to serve.
A Master that punishes while angry has already lost the ability to control me. Displeasure over my behavior is one thing…anger is something else again...since it could make his punishment more severe than is perhaps warranted and break down my trust.
I do not consider myself defiant or disrespectful. However there have been times when stressors in other areas of my life have made me crave even tighter control. Or, have me confused emotionally on how best to deal with feelings I am having. It’s very much also an eternal struggle to ask for what I need and so in my frustration I have on occasion taken a bit longer to answer my Master’s call or have taken a second or two …to long to kneel. I know he will notice and that he will react …be that he pushes me to my knees, holds my face to his boots or tightly binds me in rope…whatever. Usually for me something confining helps. He knows it centers me and makes me refocus. It’s calming for me. Afterwards though there is always guilt.
The reason I hate punishment is because it feels like such a failure to me. Not because I don’t think I deserve it. …I most often *do*. I have submitted myself to his control and dominance…his direction and in this instance I *have* failed. I have done something that has caused him to be displeased with me.
It’s also a learning thing and his way of confirming for me yet again that he accepts my submission and he *will* exercise his dominance. It’s why we are together in the first place.
I want and need his control of me. The tighter it is the more I like it, which also means more danger of punishment. But I accept that gratefully as the trade off to deeper and deeper submission.
This path is not an easy one. It is littered with the “bodies” of lesser slaves and the Doms who would not or could not take on that responsibility.
Giving him control frees me…frees me from having any other worries save one, serving him. I feed his need for control and he feeds my need to *be* controlled. By giving him my submission my devotion my service and absolute obedience what do I get in return?
A Master that loves and protects me to the depths of which I have never seen in the vanilla world. I can be absolutely vulnerable and open. There is no reason to hide anything because he already knows it all. I can just be me, completely a woman in every way and revel and rejoice in the feeling of being in the presence of an uncompromising male.
As much as I hate punishment I would not stay in an M/s relationship without it. It’s another layer of trust. Trust that he is doing what is best for both of us. Trusting that there might be more information regarding the situation then I know or that has been shared with me. His word is the final one.
7 Days until I meet my Master
I dislike punishment but I do understand the need for it in the M/s relationship. It’s part of the control aspect and must be used to keep that imbalance of power in place. Words are just words and hold no real power in and of themselves without definite action behind them. If this is a “true” power exchange it will be tested by the slave and reinforced by the Master.
I am human I make mistakes. Sometimes I get complacent and to comfortable. So, am I testing or blatantly defiant? I think it’s more complicated than that. Speech and protocol need constant correction especially in the beginning of the relationship, as the slave learns her parameters, modifies her behavior and changes the way she thinks.... every Master is different..has different rules and desires for how he wants a slave to be. There are of course private times when things are more casual.
Rules must be clear and punishment consistent and fitting of the offense. Playing mind games with foggy rules that seem to change as the wind blows can cause despondence, depression and a lack of willingness to do anything for fear of reprisal. These things do not equal a slave that is eager to serve.
A Master that punishes while angry has already lost the ability to control me. Displeasure over my behavior is one thing…anger is something else again...since it could make his punishment more severe than is perhaps warranted and break down my trust.
I do not consider myself defiant or disrespectful. However there have been times when stressors in other areas of my life have made me crave even tighter control. Or, have me confused emotionally on how best to deal with feelings I am having. It’s very much also an eternal struggle to ask for what I need and so in my frustration I have on occasion taken a bit longer to answer my Master’s call or have taken a second or two …to long to kneel. I know he will notice and that he will react …be that he pushes me to my knees, holds my face to his boots or tightly binds me in rope…whatever. Usually for me something confining helps. He knows it centers me and makes me refocus. It’s calming for me. Afterwards though there is always guilt.
The reason I hate punishment is because it feels like such a failure to me. Not because I don’t think I deserve it. …I most often *do*. I have submitted myself to his control and dominance…his direction and in this instance I *have* failed. I have done something that has caused him to be displeased with me.
It’s also a learning thing and his way of confirming for me yet again that he accepts my submission and he *will* exercise his dominance. It’s why we are together in the first place.
I want and need his control of me. The tighter it is the more I like it, which also means more danger of punishment. But I accept that gratefully as the trade off to deeper and deeper submission.
This path is not an easy one. It is littered with the “bodies” of lesser slaves and the Doms who would not or could not take on that responsibility.
Giving him control frees me…frees me from having any other worries save one, serving him. I feed his need for control and he feeds my need to *be* controlled. By giving him my submission my devotion my service and absolute obedience what do I get in return?
A Master that loves and protects me to the depths of which I have never seen in the vanilla world. I can be absolutely vulnerable and open. There is no reason to hide anything because he already knows it all. I can just be me, completely a woman in every way and revel and rejoice in the feeling of being in the presence of an uncompromising male.
As much as I hate punishment I would not stay in an M/s relationship without it. It’s another layer of trust. Trust that he is doing what is best for both of us. Trusting that there might be more information regarding the situation then I know or that has been shared with me. His word is the final one.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I Feel Sexiest When....
November 4, 2009
13 days until I meet my Master
I feel sexiest when….
When I know I am desired and wanted
When a man says “Hello gorgeous”
When I take extra care with my appearance, clothing, makeup and a man notices
When I take a long bath in candle light sipping champagne
When I am relaxed in my environment
When men flirt with me
When a man can’t stop touching me
When I am kissed on the neck
When man whispers to me all the wicked things he wants to do with me.
When I am treated as a treasure worth the time to unwrap slowly.
When he wants me so badly he can’t even wait to remove all my clothing. Taking me rough and hard.
Candles candles candles
Music soft or wild depending on my mood always makes me feel sexy
Romantic movies
When I think I am irresistible
When I flirt outrageously
When I have been to the spa for ultra pampering
When I am kissed without being asked and by someone that knows how
When I am called *back* to bed
When I wear blouses that expose my cleavage
When a man takes charge and control of me
When a man orders my food for me
When I wear Stockings and heels
Sexy lingerie
When a man turns to look at me from across the room and with one gesture or subtle look lets me know I am to be at his side or at his feet depending on where we are.
When a sexual encounter is not always planned
When a man grabs my hair.
When I wear long fur coat with little or nothing on underneath and high heels.
When men talk in their growly tired voice.
13 days until I meet my Master
I feel sexiest when….
When I know I am desired and wanted
When a man says “Hello gorgeous”
When I take extra care with my appearance, clothing, makeup and a man notices
When I take a long bath in candle light sipping champagne
When I am relaxed in my environment
When men flirt with me
When a man can’t stop touching me
When I am kissed on the neck
When man whispers to me all the wicked things he wants to do with me.
When I am treated as a treasure worth the time to unwrap slowly.
When he wants me so badly he can’t even wait to remove all my clothing. Taking me rough and hard.
Candles candles candles
Music soft or wild depending on my mood always makes me feel sexy
Romantic movies
When I think I am irresistible
When I flirt outrageously
When I have been to the spa for ultra pampering
When I am kissed without being asked and by someone that knows how
When I am called *back* to bed
When I wear blouses that expose my cleavage
When a man takes charge and control of me
When a man orders my food for me
When I wear Stockings and heels
Sexy lingerie
When a man turns to look at me from across the room and with one gesture or subtle look lets me know I am to be at his side or at his feet depending on where we are.
When a sexual encounter is not always planned
When a man grabs my hair.
When I wear long fur coat with little or nothing on underneath and high heels.
When men talk in their growly tired voice.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Is Everlasting Love Possible?
November 1, 2009
15 Days Until I meet My Master
While it may seem that this is perhaps an odd question to be answering in a blog that talks about a BDSM relationship it really is not. Long term relationships of any kind need a foundation of love if the purpose is a mutual satisfying life. I honestly do not think a slave/sub can deepen their submission without loving their dominant. That kind of trust and devotion are linked in love. At least for me.
I will not even begin to discuss here all the other reasons people stay together and there are many many *besides* love.
I think love *can* last a life time and I also think it’s extremely rare. I believe when most people come together it’s not really love...that its lust or romantic fantasy. That we tend to see what we want to see in that other person. That’s why time is so important. All comes to light with time and I mean a couple of years at least. Everyone is on their best behavior at first. If after that you are shocked about what happens it means you never took the rose colored glasses off.
And also, life pulls us all in many different directions and things happen we never planned on. Some relationships cannot survive it. Love is not a static thing it must change and evolve as the relationship does through time or it may stop.
When you bond with someone in a loving relationship do *not* do it because you see potential or you hope they will change. That never works. Opposites *may* attract but it is not what makes a long lasting loving relationship.
When I talk of love I do not necessarily mean the couple that has been together 50 years, although if love has endured it is a treasure indeed. But, I have known couples that spent their whole lives together when perhaps they should not have. And just because a relationship does not last “forever” does not mean it was not love. It means that love gave all it could give you within the time you were together.
Love lasts as long as it lasts and I will enjoy every moment fully and in complete abandon to him that I call my Master until such a time as my service to him no longer makes his heart quicken and his eyes smile.
To death do us part? That does not matter so much to me as the day to day journey I travel to serve him in complete devotion. We have been together two years and counting. And there has not been one day, not one that I wished to kneel before another. Even among the moments of punishment and my struggle with my deepening submission. His patience and our love for one another have never wavered. When and if that ever changes, then love will have run its course. Until that time I will love him and submit to him and his will with absolute loyalty as if time had no meaning.
15 Days Until I meet My Master
While it may seem that this is perhaps an odd question to be answering in a blog that talks about a BDSM relationship it really is not. Long term relationships of any kind need a foundation of love if the purpose is a mutual satisfying life. I honestly do not think a slave/sub can deepen their submission without loving their dominant. That kind of trust and devotion are linked in love. At least for me.
I will not even begin to discuss here all the other reasons people stay together and there are many many *besides* love.
I think love *can* last a life time and I also think it’s extremely rare. I believe when most people come together it’s not really love...that its lust or romantic fantasy. That we tend to see what we want to see in that other person. That’s why time is so important. All comes to light with time and I mean a couple of years at least. Everyone is on their best behavior at first. If after that you are shocked about what happens it means you never took the rose colored glasses off.
And also, life pulls us all in many different directions and things happen we never planned on. Some relationships cannot survive it. Love is not a static thing it must change and evolve as the relationship does through time or it may stop.
When you bond with someone in a loving relationship do *not* do it because you see potential or you hope they will change. That never works. Opposites *may* attract but it is not what makes a long lasting loving relationship.
When I talk of love I do not necessarily mean the couple that has been together 50 years, although if love has endured it is a treasure indeed. But, I have known couples that spent their whole lives together when perhaps they should not have. And just because a relationship does not last “forever” does not mean it was not love. It means that love gave all it could give you within the time you were together.
Love lasts as long as it lasts and I will enjoy every moment fully and in complete abandon to him that I call my Master until such a time as my service to him no longer makes his heart quicken and his eyes smile.
To death do us part? That does not matter so much to me as the day to day journey I travel to serve him in complete devotion. We have been together two years and counting. And there has not been one day, not one that I wished to kneel before another. Even among the moments of punishment and my struggle with my deepening submission. His patience and our love for one another have never wavered. When and if that ever changes, then love will have run its course. Until that time I will love him and submit to him and his will with absolute loyalty as if time had no meaning.
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