My First Steps

I entered the online BDSM experience in February of 2007. With anonymity for protection I felt safe to begin to explore this new world.

In my attempt and eagerness to feel that sense of being owned and controlled I submitted quickly...to quickly to the first Dom that was willing to take me. I had zero training as a slave. Even unaware of basic protocols like how to kneel. So I was aware I was not much of a slave at this point. Unfortunately the Dom was also uneducated and while he was very kind he lacked the ability to fill my craving to be controlled. But I stayed because I did feel a sense of duty and loyalty. As the weeks past he added more girls to his chain, I believe at the final point he had six in total. I was considered the first girl. There is a lot of responsibility involved in that and I took them on with pride.

He then hired a slave trainer to do what he could not. This man claimed to be a real life Master training real life slaves and had my attention immediately. It seemed like the perfect scenario. I could keep my commitment to this Master and be taught by a real life Master….the training lasted all of about 30 minutes I believe before he tossed me out angrily telling me I would never be a slave, that I just did not have the heart and drive that it took.

I was mortified and ashamed; yes, on line still has an impact on a person mentally. He was demanding not only online commitment but real life commitment as well and I had serious trust issues. I did not even know this man and he wanted to take more of me then I was ready to give. It was a dismal failure and I now had serious doubts about my submission.

“Life” continued although I had started to drift somewhat into other role-playing venues of the fantasy type not the submission type. My Master had beautiful slave girls to attend him and I liked that he remained satisfied. I do not get jealous, however I do have a need to feel noticed.

I remember in particular one beautiful summer day when I saw him very intense on his work. I came in quietly and knelt down beside him without a word not wanting to interrupt him. A few of his other slaves were there and I nodded and smiled at each one. He never once glanced in my direction. I don’t at all consider myself a demanding slave, a single look or word would have been enough. Neither one of those was forthcoming and it was at that point that I knew I would not stay with him.

Being released from a collar is a serious thing and I thought long and hard about how to request it. Fortunately or unfortunately this was decided for me when for personal reasons of his own; my Master released all of his slaves and left the online world.

Again I found myself unowned and I felt more vulnerable than ever.