And it *was* a marvelous weekend. Passion filled days and walks under star lit nights. The stuff romance novels are written about … well the kind I think about anyway. The ones with a firm twist toward BDSM and M/s.
I will let my mind be carried along by my heart and share some of my most enduring memories….
The weather was perfect, sunshiny around 70° and cool enough in the evening to require a light jacket. That far away from the city, the sky was spectacular at night. The stars sparkled against a inky blue black sky.
You may think it a bit odd of me to say that one of my fondest memories are of smoking with him as we walked down to the lake edge in the evening . He smokes... I do not really but I had purchased his brand when I had returned home in November. Not to smoke, although I did do it once to feel close to him. That’s the whole point of it for me, the bonding aspect. The needing to feel as close to him as possible. I had to teach myself how not to breath it in or my lungs screamed and burned in protest. It’s not something my Master ever asked of me, it’s just part of who I am. That need to transform and mold myself into whatever I think could please him, immerses me deeper and deeper into my slavery.
I had also brought with me a very special gift that I had, had made especially for him. A single tail whip, six weeks in the making. I was almost afraid it would not arrive in time for our weekend but it did. A high quality well made single tail, takes time and patience to break in. It’s not something that can be rushed. That for me is a huge part of the attraction. The whip, like the slave upon whom it leaves its mark needs time to develop into the wanton animal that it was born to be. The whip in the hands of a Master is like watching a wand in the hands of a witch, its magick. In just those few days the difference was remarkable. And now just a few months later it bears little resemblance to the stiff piece of leather it was when I gave it to him. Depending on his mood or command it is either smooth and slow like a sidewinder or quick and sharp like a rattler. It obeys him implicitly purring and whispering promises of love, lust, pain and blood.
The scenes we did that weekend were intense, terrifying and delicious but it was the quieter moments I loved best. Reading to him as he relaxed, closing his eyes and listening or sleeping. It does not matter which. It all means the same to me. Contented Master’s are a rare blessing and glad I am to be the one responsible for his peaceful demeanor at those moments. At some time years and years from now… I would love to have a room full of the books we have read together and discussed together. I have grown to dearly love reading to him. He seems so content and peaceful with the world and with me.
I have wondered does he at those times drift back to all the different women I have been, and am for him? Does the soft peacefulness of my voice bring back memories of our online relationship when I have portrayed many women and yet remained the woman with one heart and one focus? Online, different traits and personalities can be expressed and played out in ways just not possible in real life. Instead of fragmenting me into an impossible puzzle to figure out it has instead made me realize how all those different sides of me can be one whole profoundly interesting, vital woman.
During that weekend we also visited a beautiful little winery with a small bistro. We had some good wine and great food and lazed away the afternoon sitting outside overlooking the vineyards talking casually of past memories and future dreams. We kept the wine glasses and I will cherish them always.
That next night I cooked for him and then sat naked at his feet while he ate. It was one of the most difficult things he had asked of me up to that point and it was difficult for me, and I did it without complaint. I felt tremendously vulnerable sitting there with him occasionally feeding me from his hand. My hands ached to pull up the soft robe that was pooled around me. I knew it was a huge leap of faith and trust for me and failing just could not be an option. It made me even more submissive and quiet and even after he allowed me to sit with him at the table I was subdued. As slaves if our supposed limits are never pushed a bit I think the possibility of complacency exists. It’s the difficult things that remind us that we are not in control. I can’t say I like them or even understand them but I do accept that it’s his right to ask anything of me and have me comply.
The weekend was quickly coming to an end and I know none of this sounds like the same slave who spoke words of release just a post ago. Even I was amazed at my resolve to let those thoughts dissolve themselves and fade to the background for a few short short days. But even this idealistic setting and time had an end and I struggled with tears that wanted to be shed. And so, on that last evening did I curl myself up once more at his feet and beg a word with him….
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
2nd Meeting January 16, 2010
There were things that happened that weekend in November 2009 that will not be shared here in a public forum. Suffice it to say they were things I was sure that we would never be able to overcome but I wanted the weekend of memories regardless and I needed to be able to say “This man owned me… He considered me worthy enough to collar.” None of these things had to do with our relationship directly but those influences surrounding us. And that is what real life is all about.
Christmas and the New Year came and went. It was January 16, 2010 before we would see each other again. And this time it was in Texas, in a cabin tucked back into The Texas Hill Country around Lake Travis.
I had asked him at one point to not come… but his flight reservations were made and so to was his determination to reinforce his dominance and ownership of me.
I relented (an illusionary choice at best within a Master slave relationship) and decided I would make it an incredible final weekend. My decision was made. I would beg release at the end. Face to face, kneeling before him as I had when I took his collar.
As I look back on those thoughts now I realize how very correct my Master was when he mentioned to me at one point that circumstances had transpired in my recent and distant life that were coloring my perception of us. Not allowing me then, to see things clearly through that filter I had constructed for myself.
He knew of course that I was despondent that there were issues that were deeply troubling to me. I think He also knew what my intention was. He knows me extremely well. It had nothing to do with me not wanting to continue my submission to him or not loving him and longing so much to devote myself entirely. And I *knew* He loved me too. We both wanted, craved that 24/7 M/s lifestyle. But love does not conquer all… cannot conquer all. Life can be oh so complicated.
Other things were also very much on my mind… like the binding spell. I had never ever tried to go against my own spell.
And so I arrived early to the cabin to get everything prepared. All those little details… God I love the details! Those are the things that make memories spectacular.
Then off to the airport I went to await his arrival. A smile on my face and my heart bleeding in my hands………….
Christmas and the New Year came and went. It was January 16, 2010 before we would see each other again. And this time it was in Texas, in a cabin tucked back into The Texas Hill Country around Lake Travis.
I had asked him at one point to not come… but his flight reservations were made and so to was his determination to reinforce his dominance and ownership of me.
I relented (an illusionary choice at best within a Master slave relationship) and decided I would make it an incredible final weekend. My decision was made. I would beg release at the end. Face to face, kneeling before him as I had when I took his collar.
As I look back on those thoughts now I realize how very correct my Master was when he mentioned to me at one point that circumstances had transpired in my recent and distant life that were coloring my perception of us. Not allowing me then, to see things clearly through that filter I had constructed for myself.
He knew of course that I was despondent that there were issues that were deeply troubling to me. I think He also knew what my intention was. He knows me extremely well. It had nothing to do with me not wanting to continue my submission to him or not loving him and longing so much to devote myself entirely. And I *knew* He loved me too. We both wanted, craved that 24/7 M/s lifestyle. But love does not conquer all… cannot conquer all. Life can be oh so complicated.
Other things were also very much on my mind… like the binding spell. I had never ever tried to go against my own spell.
And so I arrived early to the cabin to get everything prepared. All those little details… God I love the details! Those are the things that make memories spectacular.
Then off to the airport I went to await his arrival. A smile on my face and my heart bleeding in my hands………….
Saturday, April 17, 2010
A Spell Is Cast
This is April 17, 2010. Happy 5th Month Anniversary, Master.
It was October 30, 2009 and as I continued to prepare myself to meet my Master in November, a ritual spell diffused itself within me. It’s not something I had even considered but with the magick of Samhain (Halloween) being imminent the spirits were afoot with inspiration and as colorful fall leaves whipped through the air they whispered the words I shall share with you now.
It illuminates me from the inside as I place the magickal words here for all to see. Spells are a living entity as long as they remain active. They are either encoded with a specific ending time or they are released from their purpose by the witch.
I divulge the spell now because I want *you* to get a sense of my variegated nature…as slave…as witch and the Dominant that chose to collar such a creature. To tame her, enrapture her, claim her, control her, and all without crushing her spirit. I am at once a quandary of flaming heat coexisting within the cool comfort and peace of an ocean’s tide as it crashes teaming with life at his feet. Ready and very willing to let him be the driving force in this relationship.
It takes no dominance at all to control a slave with no soul or thought of her own. Try instead, a woman with intelligence and wit with a twist of true magick, that also has an everlasting proclivity to fulfill the needs and wants of a confident, knowledgeable, and uncompromising male. Then the fun really begins.
My Master understood all the implications of this binding spell and he gave his permission for it to be done. The formal completion of the enchantment to be as I knelt before him in real life as he offered his collar, a symbol of his ownership, and me offering him the crop as a symbol of my submission .
Here then is the ritual I performed on October 31, 2009.
Patchouli - Regarded as an aphrodisiac with magickal powers
Red Candle - Red candles are burned for love and to increase the life force
((As I dress the candle with the Patchouli oil I say the following…))
I ask the Goddess and the God who are two yet one, to allow me to expand on this love in my life in a form not often requested guided by the light of my candle flame and the fate of the universe.
This love has no limits, boundaries or conditions, and i am ready to give this love within the confines of a Master slave relationship.
Our love will be intense and passionate like the flame of the candles, but there also will be joy in the simple act of giving and receiving service, our love will be long lasting.
So as we desire this love, so it shall be
*****
As Samhain Sweeps in with winter’s first kiss I pray to the spirits and ask only this….
Bless my journey to my Master’s feet and keep me from harm
With light of protection and amethyst charm
My path be straight and free from strife
My gift of self to my Master be given
In pure love, devotion and service may it be driven
I submit to him in all things and all ways
This I now profess until the end of my days
To my Master I do make this decree
That to his service do I bend to my knees
The Magick of my submission I lay before him
No other is worthy of my gift
One more request have I, as Samhain draws nigh
That with our exchange of collar and crop
Both are bound by the words we drop
Until such a time if it should come to pass
That our love has breathed and beat its last
I ask for these things there equivalent or better. So mote it be.
It was October 30, 2009 and as I continued to prepare myself to meet my Master in November, a ritual spell diffused itself within me. It’s not something I had even considered but with the magick of Samhain (Halloween) being imminent the spirits were afoot with inspiration and as colorful fall leaves whipped through the air they whispered the words I shall share with you now.
It illuminates me from the inside as I place the magickal words here for all to see. Spells are a living entity as long as they remain active. They are either encoded with a specific ending time or they are released from their purpose by the witch.
I divulge the spell now because I want *you* to get a sense of my variegated nature…as slave…as witch and the Dominant that chose to collar such a creature. To tame her, enrapture her, claim her, control her, and all without crushing her spirit. I am at once a quandary of flaming heat coexisting within the cool comfort and peace of an ocean’s tide as it crashes teaming with life at his feet. Ready and very willing to let him be the driving force in this relationship.
It takes no dominance at all to control a slave with no soul or thought of her own. Try instead, a woman with intelligence and wit with a twist of true magick, that also has an everlasting proclivity to fulfill the needs and wants of a confident, knowledgeable, and uncompromising male. Then the fun really begins.
My Master understood all the implications of this binding spell and he gave his permission for it to be done. The formal completion of the enchantment to be as I knelt before him in real life as he offered his collar, a symbol of his ownership, and me offering him the crop as a symbol of my submission .
Here then is the ritual I performed on October 31, 2009.
Patchouli - Regarded as an aphrodisiac with magickal powers
Red Candle - Red candles are burned for love and to increase the life force
((As I dress the candle with the Patchouli oil I say the following…))
I ask the Goddess and the God who are two yet one, to allow me to expand on this love in my life in a form not often requested guided by the light of my candle flame and the fate of the universe.
This love has no limits, boundaries or conditions, and i am ready to give this love within the confines of a Master slave relationship.
Our love will be intense and passionate like the flame of the candles, but there also will be joy in the simple act of giving and receiving service, our love will be long lasting.
So as we desire this love, so it shall be
*****
As Samhain Sweeps in with winter’s first kiss I pray to the spirits and ask only this….
Bless my journey to my Master’s feet and keep me from harm
With light of protection and amethyst charm
My path be straight and free from strife
My gift of self to my Master be given
In pure love, devotion and service may it be driven
I submit to him in all things and all ways
This I now profess until the end of my days
To my Master I do make this decree
That to his service do I bend to my knees
The Magick of my submission I lay before him
No other is worthy of my gift
One more request have I, as Samhain draws nigh
That with our exchange of collar and crop
Both are bound by the words we drop
Until such a time if it should come to pass
That our love has breathed and beat its last
I ask for these things there equivalent or better. So mote it be.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Let Me Begin Again.....
I know it’s been a very long time between posts and I am overflowing with all that I want to talk about. Perhaps part of me was waiting to see how it all ended and then I forgot it’s my story to tell!... and to feel… and to live. So forgive me the absence as my pen once again finds paper.
Settle in for a recap. Take a bit of tea, curl up in a soft blanket and let us begin where we left off on that very very cold winter’s day back in November of 2009………
The last few months have been a tumultuous sea of emotions as my Master and I try to make the transition from online to full time real life. The transition is by no means easy and there are skeletons of many others that have traversed the same path and failed. Their bodies and hearts swept out into the unforgiving depths to drown an untimely death.
Let’s face it… in online relationships our minds fill in many of the gaps left vacant by the other person..And of course we tend to fill them with our own passionate ideas of who this person is! Reality can be a harsh teacher. The truth is also though that even though the odds *are* against us we can persevere. We knew there would be challenges. He and I met knowing them, and still it was a staggering blow.
I have heard his voice a million times before I ever once saw his face or kissed his lips. Back in November of 2009 when we first saw each other face to face I would frequently close my eyes and just listen to the sound of his voice. That’s my Master...that, sexy, smooth, commanding voice that could have me quivering with desire or trepidation. Then I would open my eyes and see this very handsome “stranger” …..it made me fearful, so closing them and just listening to his soothing tones calmed me and stopped me from heading out the nearest exit. Now I connect them. When I speak to him on the phone I also see his face.
His voice will always have a powerful effect on me. It can be hypnotic and oh so compelling, demanding but also whisper soft and loving. But now I can assimilate them with his touch. A touch that at one moment can weld a whip with such precision that the crack of it alters my perception and sends me blissfully and obediently to sub space…. Can a second later be gently lingering over my cheek or wandering down over one breast as they peruse his property.
For the next few posts I will do a bit of catch up so that you know where we are now and where we are headed. The ecstasy has been exquisite but there has also been heartache.
How has our relationship changed? Because of course it has had to, right? I know...I know getting a bit side tracked so let me begin again….
Settle in for a recap. Take a bit of tea, curl up in a soft blanket and let us begin where we left off on that very very cold winter’s day back in November of 2009………
The last few months have been a tumultuous sea of emotions as my Master and I try to make the transition from online to full time real life. The transition is by no means easy and there are skeletons of many others that have traversed the same path and failed. Their bodies and hearts swept out into the unforgiving depths to drown an untimely death.
Let’s face it… in online relationships our minds fill in many of the gaps left vacant by the other person..And of course we tend to fill them with our own passionate ideas of who this person is! Reality can be a harsh teacher. The truth is also though that even though the odds *are* against us we can persevere. We knew there would be challenges. He and I met knowing them, and still it was a staggering blow.
I have heard his voice a million times before I ever once saw his face or kissed his lips. Back in November of 2009 when we first saw each other face to face I would frequently close my eyes and just listen to the sound of his voice. That’s my Master...that, sexy, smooth, commanding voice that could have me quivering with desire or trepidation. Then I would open my eyes and see this very handsome “stranger” …..it made me fearful, so closing them and just listening to his soothing tones calmed me and stopped me from heading out the nearest exit. Now I connect them. When I speak to him on the phone I also see his face.
His voice will always have a powerful effect on me. It can be hypnotic and oh so compelling, demanding but also whisper soft and loving. But now I can assimilate them with his touch. A touch that at one moment can weld a whip with such precision that the crack of it alters my perception and sends me blissfully and obediently to sub space…. Can a second later be gently lingering over my cheek or wandering down over one breast as they peruse his property.
For the next few posts I will do a bit of catch up so that you know where we are now and where we are headed. The ecstasy has been exquisite but there has also been heartache.
How has our relationship changed? Because of course it has had to, right? I know...I know getting a bit side tracked so let me begin again….
Friday, November 27, 2009
Collar and Crop
It has been just over a week now since I met my slave in real life. As anyone who has read the postings here knows, we have known each other online for well over two years, and were ready to take that step of transitioning from an online environment to real life.
We knew that we took a risk by doing so. We have both known many others who have tried to make that transition, meeting in real life after developing an online D/s relationship, only to see their fantasies shattered. And living in different parts of the country means that both of us already have things in our lives that present challenges in being together full time as Master and slave.
So why did we decide to meet? The answer, as simple and complex as it is, is that the online and remote relationship was no longer enough, for either of us. We have been amazingly inventive in making things as real as they can possibly be with a remote relationship. But as eirene’s Master, I wanted — no, needed — to feel my actual hands moving over her body with the possessiveness of the dominant man that I am. I needed to experience the actuality of taking control of her, physically and not just with my words. I needed to know how it felt with her, wearing my collar around her neck, and feeling the tug of her leash in my hand as I walked with her.
I needed to see her eyes and her smile. I needed to see the way her body moves and reacts when I issue a command or tell her I just want her to be by my side. I needed to know how my own body would respond when I had her touch me, in ways that are both innocent and erotic. I needed to know that she would accept those things about me that are not obvious in an online environment, but which are nonetheless still part of the person that I truly am.
I needed to know that those things that I need as her Master were things that not only could she bear, but that she would thrive on and grow with. To order her food for her in a restaurant, with her never seeing what the choices on the menu were. To use her sexually in the way that I want, when I want, no matter what her own desires or wishes. To know that her body not only accepts but craves the feel of my flogger on her back, at the strength that I want, in the way that I want. To issue very simple and subtle commands to her — things that are not kinky, not erotic, but mundane — and know that she relishes obeying them as deeply as the stuff that excites her.
As I write these things that I need as her Master, I see how it is possible to read them as selfish things. But I make no apology for that. Those who have read what eirene has had to say about such things know that the dynamic between us is not so simple, and that as selfish as these things might appear, there are deeper connections at work. Things that have bound us tightly even online in a way that I believe few experience.
And so we did meet.
Eirene took an entire week off work to make the trip of 1100 miles to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, selflessly bearing almost the entire burden of the travel, even in face of forecasts of significant snow. She arrived at the place we were to meet, to ready it, to ensure that it would be all that the two of us imagined it to be. She purchased food, and brought music and movies with her that we would be able to share, as the two of us, who in one way knew each other so very well, discovered each other for the very first time.
We had decided to meet for two days, enough time to give us a taste of what life could be look for the two of us, as real-life Master and slave. Who knew at the time we planned things whether that would be too little time or too much time. But in that time, I saw her eyes and her smile. I saw the way her body moves and reacts when I call her to my side or issue a command to her. I learned the way my body responds to her touch. I learned how she reacts to the total reality of me, unvarnished by the protective veneer that remoteness can give.
One night, we exchanged gifts that bind us in real life. While she knelt at my feet, I placed a collar around her neck, and locked it, a collar that I had had custom made some six weeks previously. It was and is a symbol of my claim of ownership over her, with all of the responsibility that that entails. And she presented me with a riding crop that she had purchased specially. It was and is a symbol of her submission to me, and her acceptance of my dominance over her and my role as her Master.
Those two days were real, in every way, including every complexity that it is possible for our two lives to encounter. While there is a part of me that might have wished for things to be simple, I am glad that the complexity was there.
Because something happened that I did not fully expect.
The things that we did, all those wonderful things that allowed us each to know what it is like for her to be my real-life slave, wearing my collar, obediently at my side, held more power than we could have known. They were amazing experiences, yes. They were things we had dreamed about sharing and were then able to experience, yes. They created deep memories in each of us, yes.
But they also left seeds within me that have begun to germinate.
This is part of the reason that I have waited a full week to provide my account of things. Within me, those seeds have sprouted into deep cravings to continue to experience the real-life domination that I have had only a taste of with eirene. To feel my ownership of her in a deep and palpable way. And they continue to grow. I am like a man who has spent his life blind, and who was privileged to receive a taste of what it is to be sighted.
I collared eirene for the first time more than two years ago. But since that night last week, when she looked up at me with her doe eyes as I clasped the lock shut to secure her collar, she has became my slave in every way.
We knew that we took a risk by doing so. We have both known many others who have tried to make that transition, meeting in real life after developing an online D/s relationship, only to see their fantasies shattered. And living in different parts of the country means that both of us already have things in our lives that present challenges in being together full time as Master and slave.
So why did we decide to meet? The answer, as simple and complex as it is, is that the online and remote relationship was no longer enough, for either of us. We have been amazingly inventive in making things as real as they can possibly be with a remote relationship. But as eirene’s Master, I wanted — no, needed — to feel my actual hands moving over her body with the possessiveness of the dominant man that I am. I needed to experience the actuality of taking control of her, physically and not just with my words. I needed to know how it felt with her, wearing my collar around her neck, and feeling the tug of her leash in my hand as I walked with her.
I needed to see her eyes and her smile. I needed to see the way her body moves and reacts when I issue a command or tell her I just want her to be by my side. I needed to know how my own body would respond when I had her touch me, in ways that are both innocent and erotic. I needed to know that she would accept those things about me that are not obvious in an online environment, but which are nonetheless still part of the person that I truly am.
I needed to know that those things that I need as her Master were things that not only could she bear, but that she would thrive on and grow with. To order her food for her in a restaurant, with her never seeing what the choices on the menu were. To use her sexually in the way that I want, when I want, no matter what her own desires or wishes. To know that her body not only accepts but craves the feel of my flogger on her back, at the strength that I want, in the way that I want. To issue very simple and subtle commands to her — things that are not kinky, not erotic, but mundane — and know that she relishes obeying them as deeply as the stuff that excites her.
As I write these things that I need as her Master, I see how it is possible to read them as selfish things. But I make no apology for that. Those who have read what eirene has had to say about such things know that the dynamic between us is not so simple, and that as selfish as these things might appear, there are deeper connections at work. Things that have bound us tightly even online in a way that I believe few experience.
And so we did meet.
Eirene took an entire week off work to make the trip of 1100 miles to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, selflessly bearing almost the entire burden of the travel, even in face of forecasts of significant snow. She arrived at the place we were to meet, to ready it, to ensure that it would be all that the two of us imagined it to be. She purchased food, and brought music and movies with her that we would be able to share, as the two of us, who in one way knew each other so very well, discovered each other for the very first time.
We had decided to meet for two days, enough time to give us a taste of what life could be look for the two of us, as real-life Master and slave. Who knew at the time we planned things whether that would be too little time or too much time. But in that time, I saw her eyes and her smile. I saw the way her body moves and reacts when I call her to my side or issue a command to her. I learned the way my body responds to her touch. I learned how she reacts to the total reality of me, unvarnished by the protective veneer that remoteness can give.
One night, we exchanged gifts that bind us in real life. While she knelt at my feet, I placed a collar around her neck, and locked it, a collar that I had had custom made some six weeks previously. It was and is a symbol of my claim of ownership over her, with all of the responsibility that that entails. And she presented me with a riding crop that she had purchased specially. It was and is a symbol of her submission to me, and her acceptance of my dominance over her and my role as her Master.
Those two days were real, in every way, including every complexity that it is possible for our two lives to encounter. While there is a part of me that might have wished for things to be simple, I am glad that the complexity was there.
Because something happened that I did not fully expect.
The things that we did, all those wonderful things that allowed us each to know what it is like for her to be my real-life slave, wearing my collar, obediently at my side, held more power than we could have known. They were amazing experiences, yes. They were things we had dreamed about sharing and were then able to experience, yes. They created deep memories in each of us, yes.
But they also left seeds within me that have begun to germinate.
This is part of the reason that I have waited a full week to provide my account of things. Within me, those seeds have sprouted into deep cravings to continue to experience the real-life domination that I have had only a taste of with eirene. To feel my ownership of her in a deep and palpable way. And they continue to grow. I am like a man who has spent his life blind, and who was privileged to receive a taste of what it is to be sighted.
I collared eirene for the first time more than two years ago. But since that night last week, when she looked up at me with her doe eyes as I clasped the lock shut to secure her collar, she has became my slave in every way.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The Crystal Clarity Of A Winter's Night
Friday November 20, 2009
I have rewritten this blog post at least 4 times…twice while driving. Well, just notes jotted down quickly as I was driving. And still my quest remains unfinished. How to word it, what to say changes the more I spend time thinking about it. Not that the events themselves change…just perspective.
I have returned back to Texas once more…I am tired, beyond tired to almost delirious and yet here I am posting to my blog. When was the last time I slept fully…hmmm. Last Friday perhaps, I am unsure.
I left the warmth of a clear Texas day with temperatures hovering around 75° and began the 1100 miles to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. The National Weather Service was predicting a major snow fall a night or two before so with some trepidation and a cell phone strapped to my hip, Texas cowgirl style, I left. I grew up in the Midwest so snow was not unfamiliar to me and it seemed like all would be in the cleanup stages just as or before I arrived. Although I must admit I searched for awhile to find my winter coat and boots.
Why did I go there instead of him coming here or choosing someplace less weather volatile? It seemed appropriate that a slave should, at least this first time, go to her Master. Even that the journey be perhaps a bit dangerous in some respects. It was a symbol of my commitment and symbols seem so very important when important things are about to transpire. And the gorgeous beauty of the mountains drew me almost as much. Another symbol of returning to the simplicity of a natural relationship between a woman and a man.
Regardless if you agree I believe women were made to serve men and that the world revolves on a much smoother axis when this “balance” has returned. Anyway, it indeed does for me with this one man. I in no way mean a degrading relationship that exists in many parts of the world. Not all men are worthy of the devotion of a woman and just because a person has a cock between their legs does not make them deserving of having my tongue lick the creases of their boots. It is earned over time and much dedication on his part. But I digress…….
My skin has adjusted to the mild winters of the south and while I thought I remembered how cutting it could be I was still ill prepared when some 8 hours later as I stepped out to refuel , a wind of 23° F wrapped itself around me like a fuzzy blanket full of holes. My teeth chattered and my fingers and arms tried to pull back up into my sleeves. What *was* I thinking! People generally go south in the winter not north! As usual I find myself going against the grain of mainstream thought. But what pleasures are to be had in such a lack luster life?
The cabin was less of a cabin and more of a huge house on the side of spectacular mountain views. There was nothing a person could want for. It was for all practical purposes an elegant home with all amenities provided. There was no room without breathtaking views. And I am not exaggerating. Every room was worthy of a portrait.
The main living area had one wall that was just windows...slanted back and upward. I moved an overstuffed chair so that after dark we could just sit there and quietly watch the stars glitter across the sky in an unending parade of lights that still hold the same patterns as the ancients saw.
And so against this back drop did I meet my Master….
I am in all worlds now a fully collared slave as of the evening of November 17, 2009. I thought I was prepared for the feeling, but there is no way one is ready for such a life changing event. Bound am I in full real life BDSM.
I am making this all sound so easy and in reality it was not.
I went to meet this man I have laughed, loved and served for over two years in texted chat and voice only. His words and ways seduced me and my love grew. I prayed to the Goddess that all our feelings would be affirmed when first we met.
What happened was I became even more enchanted …his quiet strength filled the place as soon as he entered it.
I was nervous beyond belief all of a sudden I knew nothing. How to act what to say when to kneel when not to. When to defer to him when not to touch and when to…countless and endless questions ran through my mind. What if I am not as he imagined I would be? Not pleasing enough in some fashion, not pretty enough, smart enough, quick enough in learning all he asked of me. It’s always been easy for me to write things so a text online environment was very easy in relation to what I now faced.
I sat on one end of the sofa and he sat on the other end. Our conversation stumbled over my inability to let go of my anxiety. And I worried that things were not going at all like I dreamed they would. So I let myself fall into the role I knew with him best. …service. He had not eaten so I prepared some cheese, fruit, crackers and some wine. As I returned to him I sat on the floor instead of beside him and my soul took a real audible breath at last. My gaze took him in and I felt familiar warmth. Like taking a sip of fine cognac …the warmth filling my mouth and tongue melting down my throat and extending to my finger tips. A delicious calming thing that brought a flush to my face.
We talked of many things. Things we had spoken of in the past that we used now as a door to reach through. I often closed my eyes as he spoke. His voice was my Master. The same sultry whispery tone that makes a woman want to remove her undergarments and spread her legs in a very unlady like fashion. Oh but the pleasures...the innumerable pleasures of it.
We went out for dinner that night to a small authentic intimate Italian restaurant. His manner was one of a man who is used to being very much in charge of things. When the waitress handed me a menu he took it and ordered for us both. Although we had discussed such things…to finally have it done in real life was beyond my expectations. It sent a rush of adrenaline throughout my body.
After dinner we returned “home” had more wine and talked more. We spoke of expectations and of complications of family for both of us. This lifestyle has many misconceptions and stereotypes that family and friends can find difficult or impossible to accept. That is the reality of taking things real life.
Acknowledging those issues we continued on deciding that we would handle each of them in turn as they arose giving each the thoughtful and loving consideration they deserved.
As I knelt before him and he locked his collar around my neck the soft leather with his name burned into it, whispered to me a secret…a secret that is only bequeathed upon those who have gone the distance learned the lessons and done the work. “You have been transported into a rapturous life”.
My words seemed to stick in my throat as I watched him slip the key to my collar into the pocket of his pants. I looked up at him heart pounding and offered him my own gifts, symbols again of my submission. An English riding crop and a key to my apartment. My whole life was his from that day forward.
We had spoken often of how things might go without anything written in stone. To just let everything unravel just as time does. I had been under sexual restrictions for months, most of that was self imposed because my desire had focused on him and only him. However in these last 5 days I was also restricted from self pleasuring. And he had chosen as another gift to me to not cum as well. To make our desire and appeasement more intense when we did come together. And to recognize the commitment we made to this M/s relationship. I chuckled a bit when he said he was never going to go 5 days without cumming again. In all seriousness though it was a huge concession on his part and meant a lot to me.
In the early morning hours then, did my real life Master claim me as his real life slave. Me kneeling again before him under the stars of the universe adoring and pleasuring his cock. Kissing it lightly before parting my lips and sliding his smooth hardness inside my mouth. His leash was secured to my collar and his hand held my hair tightly. It was a moment of bliss for me to watch his face and feel his body react to what I was doing. And when he finally succumbed to the moment and pulsed in my throat drenching it with his sweet thick cum, tears stung my eyes.
There were over these days a plethora of emotions and feelings. The transformation from online to real life is not simply a stroll from one room to another. Online is much easier and while I do respect that it is the reason we came together it was also a bit of a stumbling block. In a surreal way, we knew each other well but did not know each other at all. It was a paradox.
The following day was rich in experimenting with our reactions to actual flogging and a scene involving me tied and bound in rope…vulnerable with no possibility of escape. I gave to my Master the trust he had earned as my online Master but the fear *was* there.
All the things we had learned were implemented in real time. My body felt everything. There was no part of me that did not hurt. It was glorious.
I have written this all from my view of things without trying to take to much liberty with what it must have been like for him because we have not fully discussed its aftermath.
Why haven’t we?
In a very real way we have just met, him and I, and now we need to learn each other on this level. The level where our relationship becomes a part of the greater whole of life for both of us not just a couple hours here and there on the computer. Just as there are miscommunications in vanilla relationships there most certainly is in this kind as well.
It may seem odd that we still went forth with the collaring with all of these variables that we were uncertain about but I think we both needed to try out some things that would be a huge part of our life so that we knew if we should go further with each other. We had spent a couple years now playing the parts we had to push it further.
I cried... I cried a lot. Meeting real life had the intensity to bring everything to the forefront. Every fear deep and dark and otherwise. No more illusions this was the real deal. There is a reason that many many relationships even vanilla ones do not survive once they step past the veil of online. Some things just cannot transcend into the light.
I will tell you now what I have learned in this past week. I know that the person he portrayed online is in fact who he is. He is quiet, strong and compassionate. I myself am quiet and so I can appreciate and actually very much enjoy that side of him. His passions run deep for everything he loves.
I am more in love with him then I was before we met. There are parts of the last week that were very very hard and emotional. But I can imagine no other man as being my Master. If it is within my power to be the slave he needs to be fulfilled in his dominance then I will do it, given the chance and his continued desire to have me be his.
I love you, my Master, with a strength and intensity that not even a northern Canadian jet stream could breach. I would like to keep your collar and I wish to remain your slave. The highlights of the past few days are just a delicious taste of the many ways I have of serving you. I await only your approval and acceptance of me.
I have rewritten this blog post at least 4 times…twice while driving. Well, just notes jotted down quickly as I was driving. And still my quest remains unfinished. How to word it, what to say changes the more I spend time thinking about it. Not that the events themselves change…just perspective.
I have returned back to Texas once more…I am tired, beyond tired to almost delirious and yet here I am posting to my blog. When was the last time I slept fully…hmmm. Last Friday perhaps, I am unsure.
I left the warmth of a clear Texas day with temperatures hovering around 75° and began the 1100 miles to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. The National Weather Service was predicting a major snow fall a night or two before so with some trepidation and a cell phone strapped to my hip, Texas cowgirl style, I left. I grew up in the Midwest so snow was not unfamiliar to me and it seemed like all would be in the cleanup stages just as or before I arrived. Although I must admit I searched for awhile to find my winter coat and boots.
Why did I go there instead of him coming here or choosing someplace less weather volatile? It seemed appropriate that a slave should, at least this first time, go to her Master. Even that the journey be perhaps a bit dangerous in some respects. It was a symbol of my commitment and symbols seem so very important when important things are about to transpire. And the gorgeous beauty of the mountains drew me almost as much. Another symbol of returning to the simplicity of a natural relationship between a woman and a man.
Regardless if you agree I believe women were made to serve men and that the world revolves on a much smoother axis when this “balance” has returned. Anyway, it indeed does for me with this one man. I in no way mean a degrading relationship that exists in many parts of the world. Not all men are worthy of the devotion of a woman and just because a person has a cock between their legs does not make them deserving of having my tongue lick the creases of their boots. It is earned over time and much dedication on his part. But I digress…….
My skin has adjusted to the mild winters of the south and while I thought I remembered how cutting it could be I was still ill prepared when some 8 hours later as I stepped out to refuel , a wind of 23° F wrapped itself around me like a fuzzy blanket full of holes. My teeth chattered and my fingers and arms tried to pull back up into my sleeves. What *was* I thinking! People generally go south in the winter not north! As usual I find myself going against the grain of mainstream thought. But what pleasures are to be had in such a lack luster life?
The cabin was less of a cabin and more of a huge house on the side of spectacular mountain views. There was nothing a person could want for. It was for all practical purposes an elegant home with all amenities provided. There was no room without breathtaking views. And I am not exaggerating. Every room was worthy of a portrait.
The main living area had one wall that was just windows...slanted back and upward. I moved an overstuffed chair so that after dark we could just sit there and quietly watch the stars glitter across the sky in an unending parade of lights that still hold the same patterns as the ancients saw.
And so against this back drop did I meet my Master….
I am in all worlds now a fully collared slave as of the evening of November 17, 2009. I thought I was prepared for the feeling, but there is no way one is ready for such a life changing event. Bound am I in full real life BDSM.
I am making this all sound so easy and in reality it was not.
I went to meet this man I have laughed, loved and served for over two years in texted chat and voice only. His words and ways seduced me and my love grew. I prayed to the Goddess that all our feelings would be affirmed when first we met.
What happened was I became even more enchanted …his quiet strength filled the place as soon as he entered it.
I was nervous beyond belief all of a sudden I knew nothing. How to act what to say when to kneel when not to. When to defer to him when not to touch and when to…countless and endless questions ran through my mind. What if I am not as he imagined I would be? Not pleasing enough in some fashion, not pretty enough, smart enough, quick enough in learning all he asked of me. It’s always been easy for me to write things so a text online environment was very easy in relation to what I now faced.
I sat on one end of the sofa and he sat on the other end. Our conversation stumbled over my inability to let go of my anxiety. And I worried that things were not going at all like I dreamed they would. So I let myself fall into the role I knew with him best. …service. He had not eaten so I prepared some cheese, fruit, crackers and some wine. As I returned to him I sat on the floor instead of beside him and my soul took a real audible breath at last. My gaze took him in and I felt familiar warmth. Like taking a sip of fine cognac …the warmth filling my mouth and tongue melting down my throat and extending to my finger tips. A delicious calming thing that brought a flush to my face.
We talked of many things. Things we had spoken of in the past that we used now as a door to reach through. I often closed my eyes as he spoke. His voice was my Master. The same sultry whispery tone that makes a woman want to remove her undergarments and spread her legs in a very unlady like fashion. Oh but the pleasures...the innumerable pleasures of it.
We went out for dinner that night to a small authentic intimate Italian restaurant. His manner was one of a man who is used to being very much in charge of things. When the waitress handed me a menu he took it and ordered for us both. Although we had discussed such things…to finally have it done in real life was beyond my expectations. It sent a rush of adrenaline throughout my body.
After dinner we returned “home” had more wine and talked more. We spoke of expectations and of complications of family for both of us. This lifestyle has many misconceptions and stereotypes that family and friends can find difficult or impossible to accept. That is the reality of taking things real life.
Acknowledging those issues we continued on deciding that we would handle each of them in turn as they arose giving each the thoughtful and loving consideration they deserved.
As I knelt before him and he locked his collar around my neck the soft leather with his name burned into it, whispered to me a secret…a secret that is only bequeathed upon those who have gone the distance learned the lessons and done the work. “You have been transported into a rapturous life”.
My words seemed to stick in my throat as I watched him slip the key to my collar into the pocket of his pants. I looked up at him heart pounding and offered him my own gifts, symbols again of my submission. An English riding crop and a key to my apartment. My whole life was his from that day forward.
We had spoken often of how things might go without anything written in stone. To just let everything unravel just as time does. I had been under sexual restrictions for months, most of that was self imposed because my desire had focused on him and only him. However in these last 5 days I was also restricted from self pleasuring. And he had chosen as another gift to me to not cum as well. To make our desire and appeasement more intense when we did come together. And to recognize the commitment we made to this M/s relationship. I chuckled a bit when he said he was never going to go 5 days without cumming again. In all seriousness though it was a huge concession on his part and meant a lot to me.
In the early morning hours then, did my real life Master claim me as his real life slave. Me kneeling again before him under the stars of the universe adoring and pleasuring his cock. Kissing it lightly before parting my lips and sliding his smooth hardness inside my mouth. His leash was secured to my collar and his hand held my hair tightly. It was a moment of bliss for me to watch his face and feel his body react to what I was doing. And when he finally succumbed to the moment and pulsed in my throat drenching it with his sweet thick cum, tears stung my eyes.
There were over these days a plethora of emotions and feelings. The transformation from online to real life is not simply a stroll from one room to another. Online is much easier and while I do respect that it is the reason we came together it was also a bit of a stumbling block. In a surreal way, we knew each other well but did not know each other at all. It was a paradox.
The following day was rich in experimenting with our reactions to actual flogging and a scene involving me tied and bound in rope…vulnerable with no possibility of escape. I gave to my Master the trust he had earned as my online Master but the fear *was* there.
All the things we had learned were implemented in real time. My body felt everything. There was no part of me that did not hurt. It was glorious.
I have written this all from my view of things without trying to take to much liberty with what it must have been like for him because we have not fully discussed its aftermath.
Why haven’t we?
In a very real way we have just met, him and I, and now we need to learn each other on this level. The level where our relationship becomes a part of the greater whole of life for both of us not just a couple hours here and there on the computer. Just as there are miscommunications in vanilla relationships there most certainly is in this kind as well.
It may seem odd that we still went forth with the collaring with all of these variables that we were uncertain about but I think we both needed to try out some things that would be a huge part of our life so that we knew if we should go further with each other. We had spent a couple years now playing the parts we had to push it further.
I cried... I cried a lot. Meeting real life had the intensity to bring everything to the forefront. Every fear deep and dark and otherwise. No more illusions this was the real deal. There is a reason that many many relationships even vanilla ones do not survive once they step past the veil of online. Some things just cannot transcend into the light.
I will tell you now what I have learned in this past week. I know that the person he portrayed online is in fact who he is. He is quiet, strong and compassionate. I myself am quiet and so I can appreciate and actually very much enjoy that side of him. His passions run deep for everything he loves.
I am more in love with him then I was before we met. There are parts of the last week that were very very hard and emotional. But I can imagine no other man as being my Master. If it is within my power to be the slave he needs to be fulfilled in his dominance then I will do it, given the chance and his continued desire to have me be his.
I love you, my Master, with a strength and intensity that not even a northern Canadian jet stream could breach. I would like to keep your collar and I wish to remain your slave. The highlights of the past few days are just a delicious taste of the many ways I have of serving you. I await only your approval and acceptance of me.
Monday, November 16, 2009
The Moon is New
Only hours now until I meet my slave.
In Colorado, where I live, the full moon is magnificent when it sets over the Rocky mountains as the sun rises. It is an amazing sight that is always worthy of a glance in the early morning when the day is right. Its beauty attracts the attention of all. "How beautiful, how amazing," they coo. But it runs and hides as soon as the sun rises, running to keep up with the darkness of night.
No one ever notices the new moon. It is quiet and unobtrusive. Silent. It rises in the east with the sun and looks down at the mountains rather than escaping behind them. The new moon is a servant to the sun, always presenting its brightest face to the heavenly body that masters it, selflessly enhancing the brightness of the sun. It is bound to the sun, following its arc through the day with unquestioning obedience and devotion. Wherever the sun goes, the new moon follows, ready always to serve. Its enslavement to the sun is total, unhesitant, and complete, all of her seen by her Master even while unseen by others.
Tonight, on the night of the new moon, my girl has made her way to the Colorado mountains, and waits there for me to arrive with collar in hand. She is the new moon. She will rise with the sun, quietly at its side, presenting all of her brightness and beauty to her Master.
As I slip to sleep and rest this night before beginning my part of the journey, I am aware of the dawn that approaches. When the sun will rise to its greatest height in the sky, fierce and brilliant with light and power ... and with the new moon at its feet.
I come with the dawn, my girl.
Stephen
In Colorado, where I live, the full moon is magnificent when it sets over the Rocky mountains as the sun rises. It is an amazing sight that is always worthy of a glance in the early morning when the day is right. Its beauty attracts the attention of all. "How beautiful, how amazing," they coo. But it runs and hides as soon as the sun rises, running to keep up with the darkness of night.
No one ever notices the new moon. It is quiet and unobtrusive. Silent. It rises in the east with the sun and looks down at the mountains rather than escaping behind them. The new moon is a servant to the sun, always presenting its brightest face to the heavenly body that masters it, selflessly enhancing the brightness of the sun. It is bound to the sun, following its arc through the day with unquestioning obedience and devotion. Wherever the sun goes, the new moon follows, ready always to serve. Its enslavement to the sun is total, unhesitant, and complete, all of her seen by her Master even while unseen by others.
Tonight, on the night of the new moon, my girl has made her way to the Colorado mountains, and waits there for me to arrive with collar in hand. She is the new moon. She will rise with the sun, quietly at its side, presenting all of her brightness and beauty to her Master.
As I slip to sleep and rest this night before beginning my part of the journey, I am aware of the dawn that approaches. When the sun will rise to its greatest height in the sky, fierce and brilliant with light and power ... and with the new moon at its feet.
I come with the dawn, my girl.
Stephen
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